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AIBU?

to be fucking fuming with SS?

32 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 12:47

for sending DS1's report to my cousins address when I have had nothing to do with her for 7yrs because her fucking nonce of an ex touched my then 5yr old DS up. Now she has got my number from her sister and has phoned me shouting at me because "I need to ask DS1 why she really left" he was 6 fuking years old at the time she left her son was 5. I am fuming.

OP posts:

Report

mumblechum1 · 13/05/2011 12:48

God what an almighty cock up on SS's behalf.

WinterLover · 13/05/2011 12:50

Id put a BIG complait it, thats absoultly crap!!

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 13/05/2011 12:51

amberleaf · 13/05/2011 12:51

YADNBU

Thats appaling. I would be livid too.

Have you brought this cock up to SS attention?

pickyourbrain · 13/05/2011 12:51

What is SS? Secondary school? or Step Son? I'm sorry Lady, I'm confused?

ChippingIn · 13/05/2011 12:53

Social Services

ChessyEvans · 13/05/2011 12:54

Social services. Someone is going to be in massive trouble for allowing that to happen. Sadly your only recourse is likely to be making a huge complaint after the event - not that it can undo what has been done.

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 12:55

DS's sw brought it to my attention.

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pickyourbrain · 13/05/2011 12:56

Oh god, I understand, I was thinking of school reports! Duh.

Ahem, yes YANBU to be fuming.

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 12:58

School report i could cope with. this report should not have been sent to her ffs considering it names her b'f in it.

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pickyourbrain · 13/05/2011 13:00

Wow, just wow. I can't beleive they could allow that to happen. What action have you taken?

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 13:06

I haven't taken any action yet I am so angry I couldn't put anything down in a letter!!!

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TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 13:07

I am sat here in tears everytime I think things are beginning to run smoothlly something else crops up ffs

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inappa · 13/05/2011 13:09

YANBU that is staggering incompetetance

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 13:13

the stupid thing is that the address they sent it to is one I have never lived in. My cousin and I lived together for a yr until she found out her son was asd and couldn't accept I had a "normal" son and she didn't then when her scum b;f abused my son she ran away and eventually got rehoused by the council in the property she is in now.

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grumblinalong · 13/05/2011 14:15

So let me get this straight - CSC sent your DS1's (who is 12) core assessment (or was it an initial assessment or CAF?) to a possible address/contact of the perpetrator who abused him?

I know your cousin isn't with her ex now but do CSC know they're no longer in a relationship? Also do they know if she is still in touch with her ex? Either situation it is utterly unacceptable, in fact you could argue that their actions have put your DS at a safeguarding risk.

What words did your SW use when they informed you? I'm in at this, I work in children and young people services and I am aghast how this could be a genuine human error if you have never lived at that address? It all sounds utterly bizarre.

What the hell did your cousin mean when she said 'I need to ask DS1 why she really left?' Don't write a letter of complaint, ring it in and tell them you are going to contact your MP as it has been badly mishandled. Not only have they contravened data protection they've put your DS at risk.

Vicky2011 · 13/05/2011 14:42

Horrifying on SO many levels. I would talk to CAB about how to handle this as very clearly you need to make a high level official complaint about this but need to know the right process.

Speechless on your behalf.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 13/05/2011 15:21

You and your ds have been victims of gross incompetence

In the first instance you should register a formal complaint - your sw can supply the necessary information about this process.

Contact your local authority to get details of your Ward Councillors (they usually hold local advice surgeries on a regular basis) - or make contact with your MP.

If your complaint is not resolved to your satisfaction, you have the option to refer the matter to the Local Government Ombudsman.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 13/05/2011 15:26

It's shocking and horrific, but I would proceed very, very carefully with the complaint.

When something similar happened to me and I complained, SS tried to allege that I had deceitfully provided them with the wrong address with the specific aim of pissing them around. When I pointed out the level of risk to DD carried by the misdirection of the letter, they stuck to their story and attempted to twist the risk angle as yet more evidence of my shortcomings as a parent. So IMHO, activating a SS complaints procedure may lead to victimisation rather than justice.

Therefore, I would suggest you get the CAB, a solicitor or an MP to make the complaint on your behalf...

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 19:47

Ok I better explain it properly now I have semi calmed down.

D - my cousin lived in manchester with her ds and mum, they had been living there for 4 yrs when they decided to make contact wanting to come back to london. At the time I had been back living with my mum after my dads death.

I got a 3 bedroom private flat so that her and her son would be able to live with me. Her mum went to my mums. Everything was running smoothly until I quietly had a word with her about her DS who was very obviously autistic. I did everything for her right down to finding her DS a school and filling the forms in. To the point that he started calling me mummy and her D, I always corrected him.

The day she moved in with me she took up with a man who was her ex from before she moved to manchester. The second day in London she left her DS with me for 13 hours so she could spend it with this man. Her mum went mental as I had never met my young cousin until the day before, he was then 4.

This man was brought to our home on many occassions and stayed over much to my disaproval however I tried to be understanding. I was at the time married so could understand why she would feel lonely.

She moved in in the September, in the November we went out her and I, leaving my husband and her b'f looking after the boys. When I came home my H said "J shouted at DS tonight, But I dealt with it" so I left it at that.

In the January DS got in trouble at school at when I was talking to him (he was 5 at the time) he told me that J had grabbed his willy and squeezed it.

I called my cousin up and made her meet me, I told her what had happened and that he was not welcome in my home again. I then went to the police, who had no doubt as to DS telling the truth. Sadly they hit a brick wall when it came to interviewing him as he had a melt down and wouldn't leave my side. Back then we put it down to fear and tried to coax him into giving the statement. It never happened. She walked out and I vowed to have nothing else to do with her ever which I didn't until this.

Roll on to last year when YOT were involved with DS to keep him on the straight and narrow, (here I make an admission and will be embarrassed) basically DS being 11 had been talking with others in school and one of them had given him a list of porn sites, so him being naturally curious looked at them and freaked (along with me) when he discovered one was child porn and the other was urinating. He was in a terrible state and told YOT, who the referred to SS just because they had to. There was never any doubt that DS had not intentionally typed in that site and not known what it was. He had no idea, his reaction afterwards told me that. SS, closed the case within weeks having spoken to DS, DP, DS2, and myself together and seperatly. However the social worker has stayed in touch to help me get assistance with DS1's aspergers.

Anyway this is why I am so furious because they should make sure documents like this are safe gaurded and not in the wrong hands.

I do need to make a complaint as this is a serious matter but it is also very close to me heart obviously as it involves my family.

I don't know that she is not with this man anymore and now I am concerned that she will know where I live etc.

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TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 19:50

OOPPSS that was a bit of a mammoth post! and I still forgot to say the reason she used all those years ago for leaving was

"you have a normal son and I don't its not fair"

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Thornykate · 13/05/2011 19:50

Maybe seek legal advice to make sure your complaint is correctly handled.

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TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2011 19:54

Thorny, I will need to as this is very serious. Not just the potential danger they have put my son in but the fact that she opened and read the letter before returning it.

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yoshiLunk · 13/05/2011 19:59

Christ on a moped, that is one colossal heap of a cock up - so sorry Evenstar..

yoshiLunk · 13/05/2011 20:03

I thought it was 'a bit off' when the passport office sent my DP's new passport plus all documents back to his old address i.e. the exW during a very acrimonious divorce - that was tricky...

but this is just appalling, you must be so angry.

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