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to have really wanted to pick up a crying baby?

(18 Posts)
amijee Thu 23-Dec-10 14:50:29

I have just done some last minute xmas shopping alone - DH kindly had my 3 kids ( my youngest only 6 mths)

Whilst out in the carnage of last minute shopping, I heard this almost blood curdling cry and looked around to see a baby of around 3-4 mths being pushed by a totally oblivious dad who was carrying on shopping regardless.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not against leaving babies to cry it out sometimes but this cry really sounded like the baby needed something - either feeding or was sick. And it didn't stop! It upset me so much and I really wanted to pick the baby up and give him a cuddle but I thought better of it as it's none of my business and it may have been normal for this baby to cry like this.

However, the dad was not even giving him eye contact and in the end I left the area as it was upsetting me too much ( probably cos I'm still postnatal!)

Should I have done anything different?

BoysAreLikeDogs Thu 23-Dec-10 14:56:30

gawd mine BAWLED in the super market every single time we went

also, you think when you have a young baby of your own, that their cries are EAR-PIERCING but the reality is that they ain't that loud, really

probably it was baby #3 and the dad appeared unconcerned because he was, in a [shrug, babies cry] way

CharlotteBronteSaurus Thu 23-Dec-10 14:58:48

maybe dad had already tried everything?

i pushed 8 week dd2 round sainsbury's screaming her poor heart out the other day. 2 people asked me if she needed feeding. one asked if she was ill.
she was fine. she is just a screamer, and for the 10mins it took me to do the shopping i needed the use of both hands.

thehumanpacifier Thu 23-Dec-10 15:02:29

I remember DS bawling like that in the early weeks, if I took him to the supermarket.

Seeing that would have upset me too though! It's a tricky one as to how to handle it, I may have tried to strike a bit of a conversation, perhaps in a jokey kind of way "they don't quite share our enthuiasm for shopping, do they?!", but not really sure what I'd have done after that.

sleepingsowell Thu 23-Dec-10 15:46:43

Thing is babies are all so different. I would have/did pick DS up if distressed and I certainly wouldn't have trawled him round shops for ages, inflicting his distress on him and on others. I also changed the way I did things when ds was young, eg did more shopping int he evening when DS could be at home with his dad, stopped spening ages over coffee in restaurants etc!
However, if you have a baby that cries nearly ALL the time, then it must be SO hard. You still have to sometimes go out and do stuff! I just think this is one of those situations where you can't know the facts.

secondbest Thu 23-Dec-10 15:50:15

My dd1 ALWAYS cried on her way to sleep.

If out in the buggy she would scream bloody murder for a couple of minutes and then pass out.

The FILTHY looks I got from people like you!!! Yet there really was no other way, other than shoving her my boob, which sometimes, in the middle of shops or if I had to dash back to the car before the ticket ran out was just not practical.

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube Thu 23-Dec-10 15:57:38

YABU to say "DH kindly had my 3 kids". They're his children too, no?

YANBU however to have wanted to pick the baby up. I'd wager though that the dad had to pick up some groceries - the turkey even - and he was very deliberately trying to zone out otherwise it simply wouldn't have got done.

The number of times I abandoned shopping to get outside with ds was ridiculous - life would've been so much easier if I'd managed to grin and bear it for another 10 minutes or so.

mumsgotatum Thu 23-Dec-10 15:59:12

YANBU...I've never left my babies to cry despite constant annoying comments along the lines of 'making a rod for your own back'.

NormalityBites Thu 23-Dec-10 16:03:27

YANBU. I always want to pick them up. Or give the parents a sling. Poor babies.

Dansmommy Thu 23-Dec-10 16:05:15

I was going to say what Jenai said.... "DH kindly had my 3 kids". hmm

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube Thu 23-Dec-10 16:08:47

I rarely let ds cry, either. But I think I should have done sometimes. Nothing to do with making a rod for my own back (ds is now 10 and hasn't suffered for being picked up all the time!) but I do think I made life too hard for myself sometimes.

I remember getting home (by which point ds would inevitably have fallen asleep) with feck all to eat because I'd had to leave the shops. It was shit. Therefore I wouldn't judge someone with a crying baby in a supermarket harshly at all. I'd probably envy them their resolve.

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly Thu 23-Dec-10 16:14:11

blush to my great shame that is what I want to type too, normality.

Kindly had the kids.

MY kids.

The husband kindly had her kids.

I assume they're not his kids from that and he was doing her a favour?

And I know, I know, that's not the point of the thread blush it just makes me erupt like a volcano when people act like their husband / partner is doing something fabulous by doing a bit of the childcare.

carocaro Thu 23-Dec-10 16:39:34

I saw a baby about 12 months old in a shop the other day going ballistic, Mum was chatting, the baby was clearly roasting hot, red face, full on snow suit, blanckets, hats, mittens etc in a hot shop in a queue, sometimes it's the simple stuff they babies are crying about.

LynetteScavo Thu 23-Dec-10 16:46:50

carocaro, it's time you became one of those interfering old ladies. wink

I've only once been upset by someone else's crying baby. AT the time I couldn't out my finger on what was so wrong, but afterwards I realised the baby was so, so tiny, either just been born or had been premature. The baby was screaming and neither parents reacted. Was odd.

The dad in the OP may already have tried everything, or may have a baby like DS1 was who screamed and cried every time he went to a supermarket or similar, because there was too much stimulus for him. Much as I would like to say I always avoided taking him to supermarkets, I didn't. There were occasions when I took a deep breath and we went in.

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube Thu 23-Dec-10 16:51:17

I think it was the stimulation with ds too, Lynette. Picking him up made him worse. He wasn't too hot (pram and blankets so easy to adjust temps), not hungry, just overwhelmed. He'd fall asleep on the way home of course hmm. It didn't last too long iirc - only til about 6 months or so (I think).

The only solution was to leave. Or grin and bear it (hoping that maybe he'd scream himself to sleep). I usually chose the former, which tbh was daft.

amijee Thu 23-Dec-10 20:08:33

Just to elaborate on a few points.

Firstly - unsure why everyone assumes it was in a supermarket. We were in "Gap" in a shopping mall so not exactly essential food shopping or anything.

Secondly, the reason why I expressed gratitude at DH looking after OUR kids is because we were supposed to have a family day out but 4 yr old ds1 had a temp of over 39 so we thought it best if he stayed home. I felt a bit guilty about going shopping alone but DH suggested it.

Thirdly, my kids cry a lot when they are falling asleep or bored or hungry when out and about. This cry just seemed different - not sure really why. I've heard lots of kids crying in shopping malls but never got upset over it before.

After reading some of the posts, I am glad I didn't do anything as it really is none of my business. However, I do resent the implication I was giving the dad filthy looks. I'm a mum of 3 kids ffs - why the hell would I do that?

NinkyNonker Thu 23-Dec-10 20:19:14

I can't stand crying, I'm too much of a softie to let DD cry for a minute. (I know, I know, rods...backs etc.) Babies need cuddles. I remember a couple of times she did this and I would end up walking round the shop pushing the pushchair with the shopping in it whilst carrying her. I still instnctively put the sling in the basket just in case. (4.5mo now and quite chilled.)

FanjoKazooie Thu 23-Dec-10 20:37:18

YANBU - I can't bear babies left to cry.

Also, I don't see the problem with saying that you were grateful for your DH 'looking after the kids'. I also say that I am 'looking after the kids' and expect gratitude from my DH for this and vice versa confused.

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