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to not want to shout and rant at the DCs in the morning?

(26 Posts)
MumsMunchkin Fri 26-Nov-10 09:32:27

FFS another morning from hell. I promise myself every night that I will be calm and not shout.

DSs take ages to get dressed (don't want to get out of bed either because they've stayed awake too long despite being constantly told to go to sleep), then take ages to eat breakfast, then have to be told 10 times to put books, snacks etc in bags. Then have to be told 10 times to put shoes, coats etc on. Then have to be told 10 times to pick up bags and get in car. Then have to be told 10 times to put seatbelts on and stop fighting.

DD always makes us wait for her because she always has to run upstairs and 'find something' when we are all in the car or she has forgotten to brush teeth etc.

Is it any wonder that I lose it and start shouting or AIBU! It's like a bloody groundhog day every day. To cap it all, both DSs have lost the hats and scarves that I bought them at the weekend (2nd set so far this winter) - and DS2 has lost the hood of his brand new coat.

Worst thing is, I then spend the day feeling guilty and like shit that I sent them to school after ranting and raving at them when I want them to go school feeling happy and loved.

Should getting the DCs to school on time mean that I put myself at risk of stress-induced heart attack (cos that's what it feels like sometimes)?

curlymama Fri 26-Nov-10 09:36:53

I have no advice to offer, but I feel your pain!

winnybella Fri 26-Nov-10 09:38:07

Me too, me too. But DS not only tkes ages, he also talks back. Today he kept sticking his tongue out at me repeatedly instead of getting dressed- and we were running late already.

I'm sorry to say I lost it a bit.

Don't know what the solution is. And I only have one school-age child.

childminder90210 Fri 26-Nov-10 09:42:53

I tend do as much as I can in the mornings, such as I do bags, snacks, put stuff in car, they have something quick and easy for breakfast which I know isnt the best thing they can have but I would rather do that than have the fight every day. I know they need to learn to do things for themselves and they can but sometimes, for your own sanity, its easier to do things yourself. Depending how old your dcs are maybe a star chart would be helpful with a treat at the weekend like a magazine or something, as an incentive to get going in the morning. You are not alone in this I am sure most households with school age children have the same battles most days x

onthebus Fri 26-Nov-10 09:43:52

How old are your DC? After some horrible mornings I now take the attitude with mine that they need to take responsibility for themselves without me standing over them adn that I will not get stressed about them.

My children are told that they are expected to be ready to go at x hours. Every so often I have a look at what they are doing and suggest (mildly) that they might want to get a move on if they appear to be randomnly staring into space with pyjama trousers on their head.

If they are not ready at x hours I have my rant and they lose some privilege. And potentially they get bundled out the door half dressed/without breakfast. And the following day they have to get ready for 5 minutes earlier.

My "x hours" also has some built in contingency so they are allowed to suddenly realise they've forgotten their gloves / PE kit without it being a disaster.

pantaloons Fri 26-Nov-10 09:46:23

Welcome to my world!

Everyday I say I will do sarnies and bags etc the night before and get all the clothes ready, but then I go and make the vital mistake of sitting down! And that's that.

I could be much more organised, but reagardless of what I have done I always seem to end up shouting at 8.15. Oh well, only another 15 years to go!

Cleofartra Fri 26-Nov-10 09:50:01

Oh I know how you feel. Yesterday I shouted so loudly at the dc's that I had to go and change my pants before leaving the house. blush

sandyballs Fri 26-Nov-10 09:51:19

Much the same in my house and I hate it. I don't understand how, after more than five years at school, my DDs still need reminding about what they need to take and what time they need to leave ...... does my head in every morning, I could weep.

I'm sitting here looking at a boody violin that should have gone into school today for a lesson. I reminded her about four times that it was Friday and she needed it. I've decided not to take it up to school for her, let her explain that she's forgotten it, again.

God only knows how they are going cope with leaving the house at 7.30 to catch a bus to secondary school in about 18 months.

And also, whilst I'm on a rant, DH doesn't understand how bloody stressful it is. On the rare occasion he has done it the girls have been angels, sorting themselves out angry

NestaFiesta Fri 26-Nov-10 09:53:26

Again, no advice here, as it happened to me only this morning. Lots of sympathy for you though. My DS (age 4 going on 18) had a 15 minute screaming fit this morning because I didn't let him go back to ed instead oif going to school. He LOVES school but screamed like Tom out of Tom and Jerry when Jerry drops an anvil on Tom's tail.

We all woke up in a good moood and we were all grumpy by the time DS1 had calmed down as if nothing had happened. I gave him loads of dirty looks when he wasn't looking.

TrappedinSuburbia Fri 26-Nov-10 09:54:03

Lol at staring into space with pyjama trousers on head.
My ds exactly the same, now he's started to repeat everything I say if I tell him off, pushes you to the limit in the morning.
At least you are not alone Munchkin!
I certainly do as much as I can, its so much easier and less stressful than shouting at them to do it. Probably shouldn't but hey ho!

Onetoomanycornettos Fri 26-Nov-10 09:54:56

Yes, mornings are stressful in our house too. The only things that work for me are: getting clothes ready night before and no breakfast without them, no telly if they are eating slowly/been slow the day before (as we need to concentrate), setting off 5 min before you think you have to, to allow for last minute dashes upstairs (and poos, why do mine always need a great big one just as we are about to leave and you can't really shout at them for needing the loo). I feel your pain, and vow to get up earlier, it works for about two days.

The other fun thing we do which turns being late into a bit of a laugh, is we have a theme tune to run to (off Shaun the Sheep) so if we are nearly late, we run along singing this song. Ok, everyone thinks we are weird but it really works at getting them into class just before the register is called, no lates this term!

NordicPrincess Fri 26-Nov-10 10:01:02

it drives me mad aswell, they are so slow.

my only advice is to ignore it as much as posible. Prepare the bags last night and the lunches etc..

Dousnt really work though

alicet Fri 26-Nov-10 10:01:17

I feel your pain!

Things that have worked for us (although boys 3 and 4 so prob younger than yours) is timer for 3 mins to get dressed (they can both do it in 2 when they concentrate). If they do it in that time then they get a sticker and 5 stickers means a treat. If they don't then mummy dresses them.

Breakfast they are told how long they have and if they haven't finished in that time then they will be hungry.

I build in a 10 min contingency too.

Works about half the time mainly I think because these things make me feel in control as they have a built in end point and sensible consequence boys understand plus reward for being helpful so it doesn't feel too negative.

I do the rest - getting their stuff ready etc.

Sending you a hug...

oliviacrumble Fri 26-Nov-10 10:23:40

You could be describing my house to a tee, OP.

Including DD running up stairs at the last minute, leaving everyone waiting...

I'm sick of it too, but don't have any answers I'm afraid.

At this stage, they've become completely immune to my shouting, threats etc. I don't know what I could do to make a real impact - probably have to rotate my head 360 degrees and have flames shooting out of my ears. sad

mrsshackleton Fri 26-Nov-10 10:37:31

Total sympathy here

What's worked with mine to an extent is saying they can have a vitamin pill grin if they eat breakfast quickly, dress quickly. This has done the trick for the past few weeks.

I'd get yours up 10 mins earlier too - then they'll be more tired and go to sleep quickly

good luck

Lemonstartree Fri 26-Nov-10 10:49:37

get up earlier... hard but it really works. And get them up earlier too, and then no telly till they are ready. I get up at 6 now, to leave the house at 8 ( 3dc and only me) v little shouting nowadays

Onetoomanycornettos Fri 26-Nov-10 10:50:59

mrsshackleton, ha ha, great trick!

monkeyflippers Fri 26-Nov-10 11:11:19

I totaally know what you mean about shouting at the kids and then feeling bad all day, I do that as well. Thing is though is that they probably go into school and forget all about it while you feel awful all day!

I shouted at mine earlier because she put her gloves on (which took ages getting all the fingers in) and then took them off again. How over the top am I?!?!?!?

I would definately try a reward chart.

fifitot Fri 26-Nov-10 11:14:10

LOl at having to change pants after shouting so loud!!!!

We get up earlier than we need to, I find the stuff they need and have it by the door the night before, and they know they have one warning, then I'll go in and dress the little goblins.

This cuts down screamy mornings to, ooh, 1 a week?

We also have a lot of visuals, mainly for DS1 who has a mild ASD, but they work for all of us.

And no TV or computer games, no toys unless you are 100% ready to leave the house.

Feeling the pain of Lost Things too, we have at least 32980184903243254 hats, scarves, gloves etc spread around the country.

whiteliesaregoodlies Fri 26-Nov-10 11:19:53

Oh yes, ds1 is a master of the last minute poo. He can sit there for 30 minutes trumping away and denying he needs to go, but the minute I open the front door .....

I got mocked on here once for putting book bags etc in the car the night before - but it works for us! I've been so tempted before to put them to bed in their uniform to save time in the mornings.

moosemama Fri 26-Nov-10 11:21:01

My mornings were like this too I hated being the shouty Mum every morning too and it drove me to distraction, so I had to do something about it.

First of all we pack bags when we finish homework the night before and at the same time I sign any letter-slips, which go in their bags there and then and also write any notes or letters for their teachers, which also go straight into their bags. We then write a list of any unusual/extra things to remember for the morning (eg money for collections, stuff for special lessons) and put it all together ready in a specific place. (I find this bit is essential at this time of year, with all the run up to Christmas activities and nativity stuff etc.)

We also typed up a list of what everyone needs on each day and stuck it on the front door. Its only small (A6 size) so fairly unobtrusive, but it means we can stop and check everyone has what they need before we leave the house.

We put them each a peg up on the wall specifically for their coats and school bags and a basket in the hall for school shoes. This means they can always find everything in the morning.

Mine are also terrible for losing hats, gloves etc. So I bought a job lot of plain black magic gloves off ebay and some plain black hats and we keep them all together, so everyone can just grab a pair of gloves and a hat in the morning. If the basket starts looking low in numbers I make a mental note and either ask them in the morning to check at school (which they inevitably forget to do) or remind them when I go to collect them and send them back in to do it then.

They have to get up when I tell them to (7.30 am) but are allowed ten minutes on the sofa with a blanket to wake up slowly before I start pressurising them to get ready. This has really helped, as it just makes them stressed and grumpy if they have to get going straight away.

We tend to stick to a fairly strict routine as far as getting ready goes. So its, toilet, breakfast and drink, vitamins, wash/shower, get dressed, hair brushed.

They usually have at least 20-30 minutes left over to read, play or do whatever else they want. Then ten minutes before we have to go out, they put on their shoes, coat/hat/gloves and pick up their bags, while I get dd (22 months) togged up and into her pushchair.

Then we check off the list we made the night before and the one on the front door, grab any extra bags we need and off we go.

We have much less stressful mornings these days and I now have time to make their lunches up as well as cook their porridge, because they know what they are doing and in what order, and have had time to wake up properly before they have to start.

I did used to make their lunches up the night before, but I prefer to do it the same day if I can so its fresher.

The other thing that helps is being organised at the other end of the day. So we do a mini version in reverse when we get home from the school run. Shoes in basket, coat and bag on peg, upstairs to get changed, toilet, snack, homework, pack bags, write list and the rest of the afternoon/evening is free time.

I'd say it probably took a couple of weeks to 'train' them into the habits, but it was well worth the effort. The boys soon realised it was worth their while as well, because they now get time to play or read before school instead of it all being rush, rush, rush.

Before we started doing all this, we did used to have 'getting dressed races' where dh would time them on his watch to see who could get dressed the fastest and they used to love seeing if they could beat their fastest times.

Sakura Fri 26-Nov-10 11:28:49

Glad to know it's not just me and my DD. MY mum was so shouty in the mornings and I hated it and here's me repeating the cycle.
She's 4 now and has been at pre-school for 6 months, and I realise now I've been expecting WAY too much of her (for example: expecting her to eat her breakfast within an hour)

Sleep helps- my sleep and her sleep, it makes such a huge difference in the morning.

Getting up earlier helps.

I'm sure getting things ready the night before is a good idea.

And T.V, unfortunately, works when it comes to hair and teeth brushing

katykoo Fri 26-Nov-10 11:29:21

Thank God I am not alone! I do feel your pain but thankyou for easing mine!

MumsMunchkin are you me?

heyhay Fri 26-Nov-10 11:31:39

My 7yo DS used to be a nightmare in the mornings until i shocked him one day! I got his 4yo sister ready whilst he was in bed and took her to school and left my son at home.I did not tell my DH my plan so both him and DS were shocked that i had left him behind. I came back to find him all ready but in tears. Lucky the school is only 5mins drive away so i went back with him again. Bless him, he thought he was really never going to school again so now as soon as his alarm rings, he is up! it worked.

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