To feel rather sad for this 'to be child'

[IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp]

My DP has a work colleague who he's known for quite a while and DP helped this man move into his new house. DP told me his old house was disgusting with animal (cat possibly) poo all over the place, dirty plates, pans etc. He has recently got a new girlfriend and she moved in to his new house with him.

One evening recently, DP went round to the new house to drop colleague at home. Colleague invited him in for coffee. when DP got home, he told me couldn't believe the state of their house. Dirty clothes, pots pans, rubber gloves and packets of pills everywhere. He said you couldn't really see the floor for all the crap everywhere. He said there was mouldy food on plates and in cups in the kitchen. DP has known this man for over a year and has said his hygiene has always left a bit to be desired, but then to top it all off colleague told DP they are trying for a baby.

Am I being unreasonable to feel sorry for this 'to be child' as if they can't even keep their home in a decent state how can they look after a baby properly.

Maybe IABU as its none of my business, but it makes me so sad that this is the life this child to be has to look forward to.

:(

[myheadisconfused]

Blimey. This is nothing whatsoever to do with you. She's not even pregnant! It's a dirty house, some people just live like that. YABU.

[A1980]

They're not even expecting yet. They may well clean their house up long beofre they have a baby.

[ChippingIn]

Hopefully someone will 'help' them to see it's not a suitable environment for a baby if they do conceive :(

[AliceandtheGinormousBaps]

It is sad, my mother's house is like this which has had SS involved because of it.

On the plus side, maybe they will change their ways once she becomes pg? MW's visit and health visitors will take note i'm sure.

[badfairy]

YABU What business is it of yours how they live? There are days in my week when if anyone walked into my house they would think we have been burgled ( no cat poo or mould) but certainly laundry piles everywhere, toys on the floor and washing up in the sink. I also have been half way through the decorating since July !

[Nancy66]

Some people just live in squalor - i would be worried if they had a baby but as they don't - let them wallow in their own filth.

[IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp]

That's what I mean - I thought I was BU but it still makes me sad they can even think about having a baby if they can't even keep their house clean.

I just can't understand how some people can live like that - its really sad :(

I agree Alice, I hope that a MW would tell them to sort it out once they do get PG.

[IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp]

Badfairy, having stuff everywhere isn't same as it being dirty. I have ironing to do in my lounge, but never dirty things anywhere. You expect to have toys everywhere during the day with children around, my lounge looks like a bombs hit it during the day with all DD's toys, but at bedtime, everything is away and its a lounge again.

Nancy so you sort of agree?

[AliceandtheGinormousBaps]

It is not mess that is a problem though is it? My house is a tip. It is the filth and a danger to health. Fine if you choose to live like that, but not good for a baby.

[Nancy66]

If they had a baby and lived like that then, yes, i would be worried.

living in squalor is a 'marker' used by social services when they're looking out for neglect/abuse

[badfairy]

It's only sad because you don't like it. They probably don't think it's sad at all and just have different priorities to you. Agreed if there were kids on the scene there might be different issues but as adults it is entirely up to them how they live there lives.

[IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp]

Thank you Alice :) That is what I was trying to say in my first mammoth post.

Its the fact that colleague has history of being like that that worries me more.

[IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp]

True Badfairy - I understand some people aren't neat freaks, but because I've got a DD I know that the kind of way they are living at present is not suitable for a child.

It would a shame if they wanted children so much and had SS involved from the get go because they can't be assed to clean up.

I appreciate they aren't pg at the moment but it could happen anytime if they are trying couldn't it.

[notpartofthelifeplan]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I don't understand how people can live in such conditions.

I am stressed at the moment because my home is full of piles of paperwork, if you move the sofa you will see that the skirting boards haven't had a dust in months and the bathroom is dusty and not shiney. From the sound of your OP my home is a palace compared to theirs.

It would worry me because it is a hell of a lot harder to keep on top of housework once you have a child.

[AliceandtheGinormousBaps]

I do see what you mean beause as i said my mother aways has and always will live like that. It makes me sad that i have to meet up with her outside her home because i don't want my kids playing in the filth (and i am very laid back about dirt) Her and my siblings are always ill and as i mentioned above, SS have been involved over it.

But unfortunately there is nothing you or anyone else can do if they don't want to change My mum gets depressed and has admitted she finds the house one of the triggers. She got moved into a brand new house 3yrs ago, it has never been cleaned

[A1980]

My house frequently looks as if a bomb hit it but it's never dirty. The kitchen, bathroom, etc are always cleaned. But I don't alwyas tidy things away or put things bag. magazines etc on the floor, clothes hung up over the back of the chair in the bedroom.

I wouldn't worry as she isn't expecting yet. Hopefully her nesting instinct will kick in or the MW and HV will boot them up the ass.

[MIFLAW]

FFS - people used to sleep on straw in caves and wipe their arse on leaves!

Somehow the species survived.

[BalloonSlayer]

What do they need all the rubber gloves for if they never clean anything?

< boggles in an unsavoury way >

[AliceandtheGinormousBaps]

The species has also evolved

[StealthPolarBear]

MIFLAW I would imagine a lot more adults and children died and lived with disease in those days too!

[MIFLAW]

Not really the point, is it? Because that isn't just a question of hygiene but of medicine, diet and, to some extent, daily activity (not so many mammoth gouges to get infected these days.)

The point which I was making - quite flippantly, true, but I think it stands - is that, when we all stop panicking (and poking our noses into other people's business) a dirty home in and of itself does not present a significant danger to a child; especially when you think that even children from ultra clean homes are none too fussy about what they put in their mouths when they are out and about.

Nor does it follow AT ALL that someone with a dirty house can't look after a baby properly. Caring for a baby has a lot more to do with the provision of care, love, patience and the protection from clear and present danger than it does with how many bottles of bleach and Glade "Plug Ins" you get through a week.

[Mummynumber2]

I think that once she's pregnant, things may change. My house was never that filthy before I got pregnant but to be honest I could cope with a few dirty dishes being left on the bench for a day or so. Now I'm a cleanliness fenatic! After she's thrown up a couple of times from the smell of the place they may sort themselves out!

I don't think yrbu. It isn't a great environment for a child, nothing you can do about it though.

[AliceandtheGinormousBaps]

I understand where you are coming from MIFLAW, but by the sounds of this house it is very much like my mother's and that is something like Life Of Grime, not just dirty iyswim? Bags of rubbish everywhere kind of place.