to not lend money to my relative for food?

[taintedpaint]

She has a five-year-old DD. She called this morning asking to borrow money from me for her food shopping, saying she has only £10 to cover her until this time next week. I am a soft touch and will do what I can to help people, so this is probably why she asked me rather than another relative. I was about two seconds from saying yes to her before I remembered she had mentioned yesterday about some money she had in her flat. I asked her what happened to the money as this was a significant amount (I think about £100+) and she said "Oh that's for one of ---'s Christmas presents". I replied that there was a month until Christmas, and could she not use that money for food shopping, as eating was more important than a present. Her DD already has a couple of hundred pounds worth of stuff for Christmas hidden away. She replied that the money was not for food, it was for a present. I asked wasn't food more important? She said no, because she could borrow food money and she wanted to get the present.

WIBU to then refuse her the money? She has gone off in a strop and said I was selfish. It seems to have escaped her notice that I'm trying to prep for a baby at the same time as doing Christmas for my DNephew so I'm hardly rolling in the cash. Not to mention that this relative has a history of borrowing and not paying back, including with me.

Even if I was, I don't think I would've given money to someone who has £100 stashed and is refusing to use it for essentials.

So was I being too harsh? I really don't think I was and I think she's just throwing a tantrum because I said no, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

If you think IABU, then I will call her back and lend her the money. Up to MN.

[EricNorthmansMistress]

YANBU at all

Do not lend her money, the cheeky fecking cow!

[taintedpaint]

Sorry, that was meant to read 'Even if I was rolling in it, I don't think....'

[LaWeaselMys]

No, you were fair IMO.

If she has the money it should go on essentials, particularly if the dc have already got a present. Which clearly they have.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

No, YABNU. She can use her christmas money, the daft sod.

[bigchris]

Yanbu
she sounds a crap friend
when would she pay you back?

[LaurieScaryCake]

If she's struggling to buy food then frankly she has her priorities wrong - it's not sensible to give a child 300 quids worth of presents if you've had to go without in the run up to Christmas.

Don't lend her money, she won't pay you back.

[narkypuffin]

NO way. Nuts consumerism to be spending £100s on presents and have no food in. We're on token presents for adults this year and hundreda of £s worth of presents for a five year old!?!!!?!!

[taintedpaint]

She didn't mention when she would pay me back. Even if she did, I doubt it would happen, it hasn't happened often in the past.

[wotnochocs]

um..so she won't borrow money out of her own xmas fund, but will 'borrow' it from you.I deliberately put borrow in inverted commas because we both know this won't be money you'll ever see again.

[anotherbrickinthewall]

I don't really believe she needs money for food, I think she's just grasping and thought she'ld put on a sob story. Yanbu.

[taintedpaint]

Thanks for all the responses. :)

I'm still smarting from her cheek tbh.

[jeee]

Taintedpaint: DO NOT LEND HER MONEY, DO NOT FEEL GUILT. Oh, and yanbu.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

YANBU. If she knew she would be able to pay back her Christmas fund then she would borrow from it. The fact that she won't suggests that she has no intention of there being any surplus and therefore you won't get your money back!

Just tell her that you can't afford it with everything you need to get for Christmas and for the baby, she can't argue with that.

[ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers]

YANBU

[ratspeaker]

YANBU

She could "borrow" the money from herself ffs

[ChickensHaveNoMercyForTurkeys]

YANBU.

[AMumInScotland]

YANBU - she could borrow it from her Xmas stash if she genuinely meant borrow in the proper sense of the word. She's just a cheeky cow thinking she can cadge off you instead of paying for things herself.

[FindingMyMojo]

YANBU and she is being silly AND taking the piss

[PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice]

she probably got the money for the present from selling the same sob story to other gullible people who think they are buying her and DC food this week, when she is stashing it away for xmas shopping!

what a cheek!

[Bahhhumbug]

My father always used to say


'If theyre cheeky enough to ask
you can be cheeky enough to say no'


Dont feel bad iow - thats how people like that operate - banking on you not having the confidence to say no.

She's being selfish btw - not you. I'm sorry but if you have no money for essentials then any money you have stashed away is not savings - its your essential money that you would just like to be savings.

[MumNWLondon]

I am utterly shocked and sickened that someone would ask to borrow money from a friend or relative for food when:
a) they are not prepared to borrow it from their present fund
b) they have spend ££££ on xmas presents when they are short of food.

TBH I hate consumerism and even though I could afford otherwise, DS2 using (shock horror) DD's 7 YO buggy and not a new one and I would not spend more than £50 EVER on a child's birthday or otherwise. If they wanted something like a bike that costs more its a joint present between us and say my parents.

My DD (7) asked for clothes for her birthday (fair enough all her casual clothes too small) - because she couldn't think of anything she needed/wanted. And no the only possession she has that cost more than £50 is her bike.

Also am wondering how to spend £££ on a 5 year old???? YANBU do not give.

[harassedinherTINSELpants]

YANBU!

I can't believe how cheeky she is, I wouldn't have the nerve. Aside from the fact that she shouldn't be spending £300 on Christmas presents for a child she can't afford to feed.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

YADNBU. Am actually she even had the nerve to ask you.

[taintedpaint]

I don't think I'll cave, I was only planning on changing my mind if you all told me too. I didn't think I was being unreasonable, but the severity of her strop made me question myself, hence the reason for asking.

Thanks everyone. :)