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AIBU?

to not want dh to spend times with dodgy friend and his girlfriend

20 replies

countless · 13/11/2010 23:30

dh doesn't have many friends...the friend he sees most often is a dodgy cheater. he has a girlfriend and new baby, living in another country who he's supposed to be joining soon. however he lives with another woman, who he actually met on new year's eve when his pregnant girlfiend decided not to go out as not feeling well!
my big issue with this couple is that the other woman knows he has a girlfriend and small baby. i never socialise with them as we have no babysitters so dh and i never go out together and i wouldn't invite them to our house as i met the girlfriend first and i don't want to spend time with sleaze like that.
so AIBU to wish dh would dump them? today he arranged on phone to meet the friend at the pub but then his 'OH' came on to ask dh to join them for food at their house first. it really annoys me that dh validates thir relationship by hanging out with them. he argues that his friend's dodgy private life isn't our business and he only spends time with them for lack of other friends. but it pisses me off so much.

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AgentZigzag · 13/11/2010 23:44

I'm not sure you can dictate who your DH is friends with unless they were really negatively impacting on your life, and then you could perhaps talk about how they're causing you a problem.

It's a bit sad that he feels obliged to be friends with him just because he doesn't see other people.

Where do you recon the reason he feels obliged comes from?

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/11/2010 23:53

YANBU to wish your DH would dump his friend.
You Would Be Unreasonable to ask your DH to actually Do it.

countless · 14/11/2010 00:10

dh does judge as he's told me about his friend and doesn't approve but he has known the friend for a few years, they're from the same place originally. he says that his friend's OW usually accompanys him when they meet up and there's not much he can do about it. he accepts invites to their house as it isn't worth taking a stance over.
i disagree, i can half understand that the friend's OW is unavoidable when dh goes to usual pubs but i don't like him going to their house.
i wouldn't do it, i wouldn't want to socialise with a friend behaving like that and i am starting to think this reflects very badly on my own dh's character.

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DinahRod · 14/11/2010 00:16

Sort of 'tell me who your friend are and I'll tell you who you are?'

countless · 14/11/2010 00:27

what do you mean dinah? i actually feel disappointed by dh's moral compass. i think it's worth taking a stance. i suppose i also have at back of my mind the fact that i deeply distrust OW and hate her spending time with my DH. She doesn't care about her man's girlfriend and baby so what respect would she have for me and my family.
i just don't want my dh to spend time with such sleazy companions

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AgentZigzag · 14/11/2010 00:30

Is it that you're wondering whether she'll try it on with your DH countless?

countless · 14/11/2010 00:34

i obviously wouldn't deem anything beneath her, threesomes/ inviting extra girlfriend along making them a foursome..yes my imagination does go into overload..but they are sleaze soup IMO!

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ShanahansRevenge · 14/11/2010 00:35

YANBU at all. The friends people have says a lot about them. To know a man look at his friends.

Obviously that applies to women as well...friends eflect our likes and dislikes..our beliefs and our morals.

BitOfFun · 14/11/2010 00:35

I doubt that it's about worrying that the other woman will make a play- more that it's disappointing to see your partner tacitly endorsing and covering up for sleazy behaviour.

countless · 14/11/2010 00:47

"To know a man look at his friends"

i hadn't heard that before, that was your comment too dinah. this is the source of my discomfort. i said this to dh today, i would be so embaressed for my friends to meet his. i am shocked that he can bear to spend time with these people. i'd rather stay home and mumsnet than socialise with cretins

and yes bof he is tacitly endorsing them, giving their shoddy arrangement a veneer of 'real relationship'

i saw the friend and OW in the park recently and they scarpered rather than say hello to me. but they see my dh at least once or twice a week and i feel it's just not right

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mjinhiding · 14/11/2010 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

countless · 14/11/2010 00:58

and the OW is a primary teacher, irrelevant but it adds to my dislike of her! she should have more moral fibre. she is getting taken for a ride too, the friend is clearly exploiting her financially. this is the main reason i dislike him. he's a crap father, sleazy woman user..i thought he was a 'reforming' character when he met girlfriend and she became pregnant. i'm shocked and disgusted by him now. how can dh avoid being coarsened by involvement with such a creep?

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mjinhiding · 14/11/2010 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

countless · 14/11/2010 01:01

mjinhiding- true, it's not a good situation. dd has only just started sleeping all evening, she used to wake up constantly wanting bf to sleep again so we couldn't ask anyone to babysit but this will change now, we have a date this week..first in 10 months!

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mjinhiding · 14/11/2010 01:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

countless · 14/11/2010 01:05

dh has already picked his friends but i don't approve of their social circle i was wondering if IWBU to object so much

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BitOfFun · 14/11/2010 01:05

Good luck, countless. I think you are right that the key is to build your own social life away from toxic stuff.

cumfy · 14/11/2010 12:43

.

DinahRod · 14/11/2010 13:03

Yes, you understood the meaning behind the quote. Sometimes imo amused disbelief rather than being serious and worried about their lack of moral compass does much to neutralise and diminish them.

It's telling that over time the friends that dh had that I didn't like (there was an inveterate whinger and someone who I discovered through another friend sold drugs as a student) have fallen by the wayside; his friends I've liked have remained so probably because together time was invested in maintaining those.

Does your dh have friends you do like?

ledkr · 14/11/2010 13:17

my dh has a cheatin arsehole friend,he doesnt see him much but i too wish it would end but it isnt up to me really cos dh is an adult. The bloke is a tosser and trys to get dh out clubbing as often as he can dh never goes but the friend never gives up.He rang last night to try and get him out as "theres loads of totty" i am 7 months pg!
He is getting married next June i didnt attend the engagemnet and will not attend the wedding either as i am not a hypocrite.
This guy is more interested in planning a debauched stag do (strippers,prostitutes etc) dh has declined his offer to go and this guy has actually offerred to pay for him-£500.
I just wish dh would break all contact but will not make him.

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