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My friend is seriously ill

(14 Posts)
minimummum Fri 22-May-20 00:04:20

My friend is killing herself. Been a heavy drinker for over 30 years. Docs have warned her that her liver is damaged but she won't give up the drink. She was recently in hospital and needed a blood transfusion. Due to Covid ( she hasn't got it ) they sent her home and arranged more tests for the week after. This was 2 months ago and she refuses to go. They said she has internal bleeding and Enlarged lymph nodes. She is very thin but has a very swollen stomach and her skin is yellow.
The doctors won't speak to me due to patient confidentiality. I don't know how I can help? She's early 50's.

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PurpleDaisies Fri 22-May-20 00:07:54

I don’t think you can help. flowers

It’s so hard being around someone with alcohol addiction. Until they’re ready to try and give it up for themselves, there’s very little you can do to convince them.

HopeClearwater Fri 22-May-20 00:09:57

You can’t help her to stop drinking. It would be exceptionally arrogant of you to think you could.

You might be able to help her in practical ways. Does she need anything taking in to the hospital?

minimummum Fri 22-May-20 00:10:42

@PurpleDaisies
I feel like I am letting her down.

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PurpleDaisies Fri 22-May-20 00:12:06

You aren’t.
She is an adult entitled to make bad decisions and however hard you try, you can’t make better decisions for her if she doesn’t want to for herself.

Al anon are good to talk to about this.

minimummum Fri 22-May-20 00:12:06

@HopeClearwater
She won't go back to hospital to get the other tests done. She won't let me in her house.

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minimummum Fri 22-May-20 00:13:28

@PurpleDaisies would AA speak to me?

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FusionChefGeoff Fri 22-May-20 00:28:59

Al anon are the sister organisation to A.A. and they specifically support friends and family of alcoholics

Unfortunately she sounds very ill both physically and mentally so it is far beyond your reach to help her.

Give Al Anon a call to speak to someone else who has been through it.

I lost a good friend to this disease. He just gave up and then was too far gone to help. I ran around trying to give practical support but now know that was simply enabling the drinking. Tragically his wife is now following a very similar path although her journey into the bottom appears to be slower than his it still has a depressing predictability about it.

But this time I have made peace with the fact that there's nothing I can do for her. I drop her the occasional text / messenger so she knows how to contact me and I've offered help to take her to an AA meeting if she ever wants to stop. The rest is up to her.

minimummum Fri 22-May-20 00:31:17

@FusionChefGeoff
Thank you for your reply. I will contact them tomorrow.

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Ipadipod Fri 22-May-20 00:40:21

It’s so hard watching someone in the grips of addiction but as others have said there is nothing you can do to help your friend.
Al Anon helped me , I was frustrated with them at first because they didn’t tell me how to make things better, they don’t tell you what to do , they will listen and help you to realise that you are not responsible for your friend.

minimummum Fri 22-May-20 00:43:57

@Ipadipod
She can get quite aggressive and nasty in drink. Never experienced anything like this at all.

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480Widdio Fri 22-May-20 00:47:21

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help her.

Yes give Al-anon a call.

I am an Alcoholic in recovery and have answered the AA helpline for many years.We would speak to you initially but won’t instigate any help for the Alcoholic without speaking to them.We have to know the person wants help.A lot don’t.

My Mother was an Alcoholic and died from a wet brain,she refused to stop drinking.

So many friends and relatives call the helpline,it is heartbreaking,but we do always put them in contact with Al-anon.

Wishing you well.

minimummum Fri 22-May-20 00:51:43

@480Widdio
Thank you.

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minimummum Fri 05-Jun-20 15:37:28

Just an update. My friend is going to tests at hospital on Monday.
Thank you for your replies.

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