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Right now this minute...

(24 Posts)
doolaadoo Tue 05-Dec-17 18:28:06

I'm needing a bit of a hand hold right now as I'm trying to break my horrendous wine habit ( 1.5 - 2 a night most nights, occasionally I take a day or two off if I'm feeling rough after the night before ).

I really feel as though it's getting a grip and although I have given up in the past for a few months, I always get back to this position.

I know the reasons for drinking and they have to change but I can't change them if I'm not sober.

Anyway, husband ( alcoholic) I think enjoys seeing me drink because it makes him feel better about his consumption. He hates it when I give up. So, with the knowledge that i want to stop he has gone out and bought my favourite wine and it's sitting on the side, killing me. I know I have to take it second by second and focus on how awful it makes me feel, the arguments it causes, the disappointment in my children's faces when the see me drunk.

It's going to be a long night. Any helpful tips to get through it?

I am seeing my GP Friday to inform him of my situation and see what help can be offered though after reading a few posts, I'm not feeling hopeful.

I feel as though I need double the amount of will power what with my husband waving wine in my face. He can kill himself, I won't.

weegiemum Tue 05-Dec-17 18:34:32

Pour it away. Do it now. Its really hard, but if its gone, you can't drink it.

I have an intermittent alcohol problem and thats the only really good advice I have. Or how about something else nice and non-alcoholic and take the opportunity to do something with your children so they can enjoy you being sober.

Good luck. I know how hard it is.

weegiemum Tue 05-Dec-17 19:21:10

How are you doing??

PotteringAlong Tue 05-Dec-17 19:22:38

Have you tipped it away?

doolaadoo Tue 05-Dec-17 19:23:17

Getting my head totally into work. I have several bottles of fizzy water next to me and pepper tea brewing!

Thanks for your words @weegiemum

Husband is necking the wine. I'll leave him to it!

PotteringAlong Tue 05-Dec-17 19:29:09

Well done! One minute at a time flowersbrew

Fekko Tue 05-Dec-17 19:30:23

Orange juice is good for food and drink cravings.

Lobsterquadrille2 Tue 05-Dec-17 21:42:48

Hi OP, lots of sympathy and empathy from me - I'm a recovering alcoholic and degenerated so badly towards the end that I was drinking 24/7 and actually had to keep drinking as the withdrawal meant seizures and hallucinations (DTs - not all drinkers get them - even George Best didn't! So it's not the actual amount).

Lots of people can drink in moderation - and good for them; I've no desire to spoil their fun and these days am perfectly happy to be around drinkers. I believe that I'm allergic to alcohol - the smallest taste sets up a physical craving which means, quite seriously, that if I want to stay alive, I have to resist the first drink. I kidded myself for years that it would be one drink, one bottle or one night - all lies. Alcohol wanted me alone, in a darkened room, curtains drawn.

There isn't one answer to this - I've been in AA for nearly 10 years but I know that it doesn't suit everyone. You could try it? There are loads of people who joined, only for their husbands/wives/partners to join some months later, when they see the benefits of a sober life.

doolaadoo Wed 06-Dec-17 07:35:05

@Lobsterquadrille2 thank you and thank you everyone else.
I managed it and feel great this morning. I know it's only a tiny step and there are so many more to go but it's a step in the right direction.
Coming clean on here and and facing the fact I have a problem is very sobering in itself.
Today is full on work right up until late so hopefully I'll feel too knackered to give in to wine.

With regards to AA, yes, once I've found a group ( we live in a very smallish town and I don't want to go somewhere I'm recognised) I will go. My only issue with AA are the religious undertones, but will give it go.

Again, thank you all

tryingtobeabettermum Wed 06-Dec-17 13:04:08

I attended my first AA today I'm not a religious person so I think the higher power for me will be the angels. My mum is my angel in heaven so I'll think of her I think

Lobsterquadrille2 Wed 06-Dec-17 19:26:20

Hi doo, just caught up with your post and well done for sticking to your resolve last night! The first 24 hours are often the hardest. A couple of things: I'm not at all religious! Loads of people in AA have a higher power that can be as simple as "the universe" or the great outdoors, or just the a Fellowship itself. We do not sit around praying to a man with a long beard - seriously, at the end of every meeting you will hear "please join me in the serenity prayer, using the word God as you understand it". So no worries in that one. Also, it can take a while to find the right meeting and the right people for you - it's like anything else - you'll click with some people and meetings. We are not, contrary to some of the beliefs on these boards, all exactly the same. 😀 so persevere if you don't find your people at first. And as I said before, one size doesn't fit all - you have people saying that you should do 90 meetings in your first 90 days and maybe that works for some people, but wasn't how I did it.
Above all, best of luck and keep strong. Not drinking becomes as much of a habit and way of life that drinking did, only much healthier and cheaper.

xTinkerhellx Wed 06-Dec-17 20:05:26

Two things I he ard about AA that have stuck with me:

1) 'The only thing you need to know about the Higher Power is that it isn't you.'

Your higher power can be a God, fate, your children, whatever, it doesn't matter. But it isn't you.

2) So many people are scared to go to their local meeting in case someone recognises them. But guess what? If they're at an AA meeting they are there because they also have issues with alcohol. They're not going to judge.

AA isn't for everyone. But they might be for you if you give it a shot.

Good luck lovely flowers

doolaadoo Wed 06-Dec-17 20:19:42

Thank you, you're all really helping me right at this moment.
I've found a group I'm going to attend in the next town. A positive step.
Right now I'm at that point where wine is screaming at me again. It's a horrid time of night. I know I'm working early again tomorrow so I'm focusing on being in a good frame of mind in the morning.
I really am taking it by the minute.
Husband still cracking open the beers. At least it's not wine. He can go to hell.

xTinkerhellx Wed 06-Dec-17 20:35:20

You're doing really well!

Doubly well considering your husband is drinking in front of you.

Have a super fancy soft drink. Elderflower cordial with sparkling water. Or water with lemon and lime. Oddly, cucumber and mint water is really nice. Tall glass with ice cubes. Part of the habit is having a glass in your hand, so having something to drink right there will help. Chocolate or other sweets can help with the sugar craving.

Also distract yourself with something that uses your hands. Crochet, wrapping your Christmas presents, writing down all the ways you can kill your husband. You know, good wholesome activities.

The first few days/weeks are tough. But I promise it gets easier! Keep going flowers

Lobsterquadrille2 Wed 06-Dec-17 20:46:04

I used to run a hot bath in the early days and wallow in it for ages. Or sit in a room where you wouldn't normally drink and make a long phone call. It also depends on what your "thing" is - I love reading so as long as I had a really good book in the go at all times, it lessened the desire to have a blurred mind. After literally a few days, the difference in your skin, sleep, spring in your step can make you want to carry on.
Having said that - if you do relapse at any stage (and that can be years down the line), treat it as a blip and get straight back in with the programme. I only wish I'd figured it out earlier - I'm envious of the bright young things who come into AA, at the same time as being horribly saddened by the deaths of dear friends over whom this illness had too tight a grip.

doolaadoo Thu 07-Dec-17 08:11:31

On day 3 now and feeling quite pleased with myself.
@Lobsterquadrille2 you're quite right, my skin looks better, no bloated stomach, clear head......it's so good.
I think my strength is building though I know day 3 and 4 have been the hardest in the past. I've organised my weekend so it's full of work ( I work freelance so it's pretty flexible) and plan on some long walks.

Thank you all so much. I don't actually think I could do this without your words.

I'm looking forward to being a few weeks into this and being able to like myself again.

doolaadoo Thu 07-Dec-17 08:14:35

Oh and my fizzy water collection is growing by the day! I've turned into a water connoisseur! I realised last night I was necking it like I neck wine and it didn't bother me the fact it was just water.

Apileofballyhoo Thu 07-Dec-17 08:25:37

I've lived with addicts and alcoholics and just wanted to say how great you're doing. flowers

I don't know how much you normally spend on a bottle of wine, but perhaps you could treat yourself to something of similar value. Even a new funny/pretty mug or something like that. A reward you can see, and something to remind yourself what you've done so far.

Apileofballyhoo Thu 07-Dec-17 08:28:54

I remember at Christmas one year I was pregnant and I drank just tonic with ice and lemon without the gin, but in a big fancy glass etc. I was surprised that I was perfectly happy with it, didn't miss the gin at all!

weegiemum Thu 07-Dec-17 15:55:07

doolaadoo glad to hear you're doing well.

Definitely try AA, it has such a good success rate. It wasn't for me, I don't work well in a group setting, but I got private one-to-one counselling which was transforming for me - I still see my counsellor every few weeks as its my point of accountability, though we are looking at stopping altogether by the summer.

Funny enough, Christmas isn't hard for me. the New Year celebrations are fine. Its the 4th of January when the schools go back and I'm left on my own thats my flashpoint. I'm already planning lots of things to do that day!!

Fizzy water is excellent stuff, isn't it? I drink loads of it, its just that wee bit more "special" than tap and I buy the fancy stuff for posh days. I also love Fever Tree tonic with a slice of lime.

doolaadoo Thu 07-Dec-17 18:53:41

@weegiemum I hadn't thought of going to a one to one councillor. I might look into that if AA doesn't suit.

Just been to the supermarket which nearly killed me. DH oblivious to how difficult this is for me still...continues to buy beer. Hey ho.

I however left the wine isle and went straight to the mobile phone department and signed up for a new iPhone and 30 month contract for my DD. Thought being if I continue drinking then I'll be spending triple the monthly bill so this is my added incentive to keep going.

The craving is pretty bad right now so will throw myself into work and drink lots of posh VOSS water!

xTinkerhellx Thu 07-Dec-17 20:15:44

You are doing amazingly well!

This is day 4 alcohol free. When was the last time you went 4 days with zero alcohol? You're doing brilliantly!

Maybe at the end of the week/month (or both!) treat yourself to something with the money you've saved. Or even just move it into a savings account and be amazed at how much you add up so quickly.

Keep going lovely star

Lobsterquadrille2 Thu 07-Dec-17 20:25:05

Hi dooaloo and very well done!! You're doing really well and on your own too. As for your DH ..... from his perspective, if you've been accustomed to drinking together, there may be an underlying feeling from him that you are rejecting a part of your relationship and he may be feeling a bit wrong footed. It's common for the drinking partner to (sometimes subconsciously) try to get the other partner to drink with them - to restore the balance in their eyes. And all alcoholics, when they are active, absolutely love other alcoholics with whom to congregate with no criticism, implied or otherwise.

Just keep doing just what you're doing and tick off the days with satisfaction. The putting money that you're saving in a jar in a great idea. Whereabouts roughly in the country are you? Just wondering if I can recommend a meeting. Sometimes it's just reassuring to be with people who've been there, done it and are literally unshockable.

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 07-Dec-17 20:34:12

@doolaadoo I've just sent you a PM.

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