Has anyone experienced tracing a parent through the official channels?

[MillyMoop]

My dh is trying to find his dad, family placement have said they will help us but I am wondering how it works, do we have to find him first so they can approach him or do they have resources to trace him and do they do the tracing?

Sorry if they are obvious/daft questions but not sure how it works.

[jofeb04]

Hiya,

I've got a few threads on here in connection to the search for my biological mum (could be similar for your dh's dad).

I got in contact with my local adoption department (social services) who talked me through the process etc. Social worker got my adoption file, so I could read through it and see origional birth cert.

Recently recieved the same address of a number of people who have searched for me (you know who you are ), and even though birth mum had sent a letter to the agency on my 18th, I am still going through Social Services.

Depending on the amount of information your dh has about his dad, he may find that going through official chanels can make it easier for your dh (such as letters can be written through someone else, so dad will not know your address).

HTH

[MillyMoop]

The problem we have is that his dad isn't on the birth certificate. The only documentation we have is the court order for maintenance which gives his address in 1969, a flat now demolished.

His dad was already married you see so his mum did not name him on the certificate because of the shame (she didn't know he was married as his family lived in another county)

We have requested his adoption records but I am doubtful what they will have. We know his name from the court order but don't even have a D.O.B. for him (although he used another name when he was deceiving my dh's mum!)

I just wasn't sure how much "searching" the adoption acency do on your behalf and if they have access to any records we don't.

Sorry bit long winded!!

[badgerhead]

I will follow this thread as am interested in possibly searching for my father. I know my mother died in childbirth with me & have a copy of her death cert & my bio parents marriage cert. I have no idea if my father remarried or if he is still alive.

[Acinonyx]

Your should ask them about this directly. It does vary a lot from agency to agency - some help with tracing more than others, and some do a more throrough job than others (i.e. some give up rather easily because of inexperience or lack of time). They don't have access to any other records that you couldn't access yourself. It can be problematic getting an agency to contact a bfather unless they are named on either the birth certificate (which they usually aren't) or in the adoption file (which is more likely).

[MillyMoop]

Thanks for the info Acinonyx, do you know what sort of info on the father the adoption file normally contains? Does it have things like D.O.B.?

[Acinonyx]

The file usually contains only info about the bfather that comes from the bmother. So, unfortunately, it isn't always reliable. It's very unlikely to have a dob - but hopefully might have an age. I would look 5 yrs either side of such an estimate if it were me, as this kind of information can be innaccurate. The one helpful thing about tracing a man is that they don't generally change their name.

You might find this organisation interesting or useful

www.norcap.org.uk/

They can also recommend accredited researchers (i.e. people who won't rip you off) if you get to a point where you feel you need paid help.

[MillyMoop]

Just wanted to update you I just found dh's real dad's original marriage record online, have ordered the certificate hopefully it might help us on our way!

At least I now know I have the right name!!

[KristinaM]

what have you decided to do millymoop? Are you going to contcat him?

[MillyMoop]

I have managed to track him down via an association he is a member of through his job (sounds complex I know) they have agreed to look at our evidence of who we are in relation to him and we have written a very open upbeat no pressure sort of letter with a stamped addressed envelope giving him the option to just return the letter to us in the envelope if he doesn't want contact or to use it to reply if he does.

It is now down to this association whether or not they are happy to pass it on to him on our behalf but we are keeping our fingers crossed.

Dh is very realistic regarding whether or not this man will want to make contact or not but he does want some closure either way.

Will update once we hear something (here's hoping we will either way)

[MillyMoop]

We got a reply! It's early days but it is his dad and he is cautious but does want to know more about dh and his life (bless him his dad seems more concerned about dh's mum and how it will affect her when in fact she dies many years ago.)