Social Services visited me

[JaneA64]

Hello

I hope this is the right forum. Sorry if it’s not. My estranged daughter only recently, the past 3 yrs, has come back into our family life after years as a wayward teenage living around the country and involved in drugs and god knows what. She seems to have settled down with a partner and she’s just had a lovely baby girl but she is still a little ‘stand-offish’ and cagey at times.

To cut a long story short, we as grandparents were visited by a very nice lady from social services and we are still a little dumbfounded what it was all about. They were essentially checking us out to see how involved we are with my daughter and how we would be supporting.

Sounds strange not to know what it was all about but the social worker wasn’t too explicit and my daughter is very cagey about it saying it was just to check us out.

I’m just worried my daughter might be struggling and not letting on and that social services might have been assessing her not us so to speak.

Any ideas what kind of process this might have been part of?

Thanks

J

[user1493413286]

I’m surprised that they didn’t either tell you more or insist that she tells you more; I’ve visited family members to assess whether they’re a supportive and safe part of a support network when children have been on child protection plans or in care proceedings and I’ve also visited to do an assessment on whether family can care for the child in the event that the parent cannot. In all circumstances I’ll say that the family members need to know what the risks are as how can you help keep a child safe if you don’t know what you’re keeping them safe from. I guess if your daughter completely refused permission for information to be shared then they may have had to accept it and that visiting you and not telling you is better than not visiting at all.
It’s possible they’re just doing an assessment but I think it’s likely there’s much more to it.

[JaneA64]

Hello

Thanks for getting back. Yes, it’s a bit strange, we didn’t really take it in as it’s a bit of a big thing having social services visit. I think we were a little bit like rabbits in the headlights. She was very friendly though. It is a worry as a week or so after the baby was born our daughter told us we couldn’t see her or the baby for a couple of weeks until social services had ‘checked us out’. All sounded a bit strange. Just before this, she was complaining about her health visitor and ‘didn’t like her attitude’.

I can’t believe we would be the issue and that Social Services had to ‘vet us’ on her behalf. It’s a real worry she may be struggling as like I said, she is very cagey and we have to ‘walk on eggshells’ around her. My girlfriends think she probably pointed Social Services our way to prove she has a stable safe support network.

Kids, you never can stop worrying about them, especially when they have kids too!

[bigbird1969]

Sounds like your grandchild is on a child protection plan and social services have found out that you are now in the scene. I would be worried too and you said yourself your DD is cagey so likely she isnt being honest about her situation. Have you asked her?

[MadeForThis]

Social services don't check out grandparents at the request of a mother.

They will check you because they are already involved in your grandchild's life.

[JesusAteMyHamster]

The child will be on a child protection plan.

I wouldn't push too hard finding out the details from your dd tbh. You might find she clams up. Just make it very clear to her and SS you're a safe space for her and your grandchild.

[Onelifeonly]

Surely they wouldn't visit you unless they have concerns about her parenting? Unless you look after the child sometimes and someone has made an allegation?

[JaneA64]

Hello

I have asked her but she just says it was to check us out as being safe to be around the baby which sounded like nonsense. Like I say, we have to be so very careful around her and have to walk on eggshells. Even before the baby she’s capable of just blanking you for weeks on end if you annoy her. So much so we have no real idea what she was up to for 4 years of her life. We just have to be there for her and the baby but we only get to know what she wants us to know.

Baby is lovely though and her partner is more the sensible pencil out of the two. God, sounds awful but doesn’t help they both are depressive types and have history of attempted suicides. Feel like I’m digging a hole here.

J

[JaneA64]

Hello

PS we don’t look after the baby per se as she is so young so I doubt it would be concerns about us. Wish she would just be more open as we are here to help. It’s what mums do right?

[Hollanda40]

OP xxx

[Icantrememebrtheartist]

OP There are some very wise people on the adoption board, at least one social worker, foster carers as well as adopters. If you ask MN to move your post to there I think you have a good chance of someone who ‘knows the system’ answering.

[JaneA64]

Hi

Thanks. Will do. I didn’t know if this was the right place so thanks for letting me know.

J

[VenusTiger]

Is it possible she's talked to a midwife/dr about depression, medication and her fall out with her parents during her pregnancy? Could this have started the ball rolling with SS thinking you're a part of the reason for her depression?
(I'm not suggesting you are of course, but it's how it could have come across to a social worker in discussions during her pregnancy).

[Wowcherarestalkingme]

Is this definitely her first child? Or her partners first?

[JaneA64]

Hello

It’s the first for both of them. It’s possible she mentioned her troubled relationship with us to a professional but this is the point, it’s impossible to get to the bottom of things with her and trying to do so is likely to cause more friction.

Things are OK right now but the visit from the social worker was so unsettling. I can’t imagine they were ‘vetting us’ but can believe that my daughter might be struggling and was/is putting us forward as part of her support network.

I was thinking of talking to her partners mum but was frightened I might make things worse somehow. Anyway, the baby seems fine and healthy and is certainly a happy little person. Just wish her mother would open up a little.

J

[drummonds]

If they have both been suicidal it might be that, that social workers are involved because of potential mental health problems. Have you told your DD that they have visited you? Could you say that if she wanted to explain you would do your best to be any support she wants, leaving it up to her if you are afraid of how she will react? You could say that you aren't very clued up about this sort of thing so you are leaving it up to her to tell you if she needs anything.

Do you know why she is depressed, or has been, and the root of her problems? Has there ever been a time when she talked to you?

[user1493413286]

Having read your updates I think it’s likely that the baby is on a child protection plan, in terms of ‘vetting you’ it’s not so much that they think there might be an issue but more that they want to make sure all is ok especially if some of the people around her aren’t so good. If someone spends a lot of time with people who could be a risk to a baby then part of a child protection plan may be to only spend time with agreed safe people

[Jellycatspyjamas]

Sounds strange not to know what it was all about but the social worker wasn’t too explicit and my daughter is very cagey about it saying it was just to check us out.

The social worker should have explained the purpose of their visit and the contact, eg to explore your daughter’s support network as part of a child protection investigation or to assess you as a potential carer for the child etc etc. They may not necessarily tell you the basis of their investigation (eg what their concerns are exactly), but you should be told what they are there for.

It may be that your daughter has said you’re supporting her parenting (which would potentially lessen any risk of harm to her child) and they wanted to check that out. In any case, the social worker should have left contact details with you, I’d contact her and ask what the purpose of her visit was - just explain that you were caught off guard at the time and didn’t fully understand what she was saying.

I’d not expect a first visit to be unannounced - they’d usually contact you by phone or letter first and arrange an appointment. I’m very surprised social work are carrying out “checking out” visits at the moment at all, most visits are restricted to CP investigations in the child’s home. Phoning her to ask would also allow you to confirm they were actually from social services.