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Will family history go against me?

(7 Posts)
TigerLilyMasie Thu 08-Aug-19 17:12:14

I'm aware that if you apply to adopt a child you will need to talk about your family history. Mine is quite complicated as in I was raised by a family who were not my biological family. They did not 'adopt' me but basically 'kidnapped' (no, really not to strong a word) from my very young, naïve, gullible mother by telling her that I had been made a Ward of Court and they had to hand her over to me because the judge said I was being neglected and she couldn't cope,

I experienced awful treatment in some ways from my family but there were also good people that I loved who helped me a lot. It really was not all bad.

Fast-forward to my 20's and I was treated very badly and let down by the ones I was close to and trusted. We did not speak for many years and then in my 40's we connected back and tried to build bridges. It didn't work and so now there has been contact at all for 7 years.

This no contact extends to all the family as a whole because it was too complicated to cut out a few people and still visit the others. It wouldn't have worked.

Will this go against me? I worry that they will ask me for contact details so that they can speak to these 'relatives' themselves. I would have no problem with that if they were honest but they will lie and obviously put their own spin on things.

I would rather just not start the process if this is likely to happen.

Does anyone know?

Many thanks for reading this.

OP’s posts: |
TigerLilyMasie Thu 08-Aug-19 17:15:23

*sorry they told my mother she had to hand ME over to THEM.

OP’s posts: |
stucknoue Thu 08-Aug-19 17:18:52

You need to speak to your social worker. The circumstances that you found yourself in through no fault of your own should be of no consequence, they could be more interested in why your relationship broke down as an adult. It all will be dependant on whether your childhood experiences will hinder your ability to parent a child, especially one who has experienced trauma - only they can decide that. Be truthful with them and investigate, that's all you can do

donquixotedelamancha Thu 08-Aug-19 20:21:42

Will this go against me?

Nope. It will be a strength- you just need to pitch it right:

- Understanding of childhood trauma.
- Experience of navigating difficult family and non-bio family.
- Shown resilience.
- Ability to address difficult issues and have not been bullied into burying them.

Make sure your SW really digs into this (any competent one will) and that your PAR addresses the concerns and really pushes the positives. Start getting stuff straight so you can communicate a hard subject clearly.

BTW, it's all worth the hassle in the end.

TigerLilyMasie Sun 11-Aug-19 21:43:34

Thank you both. smile

OP’s posts: |
Italiangreyhound Sun 11-Aug-19 23:00:16

TigerLilyMasie I am so sorry that sounds incredibly difficult.

I do not think this will stop you adopting and may indeed be a strength. However, I think the most crucial thing is how you have processed this and worked through it. Have you had counselling to deal with this terrible thing and how the removal of your birth mother and then the subsequent fallings out, may have affected you?

As others say, be honest. You are not required to be in contact with family but not being in contact needs to be explored.

Good luck. thanks

topmumlegend Thu 15-Aug-19 12:39:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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