First time adoption

[newbie700]

Hi all,

We are first time adopters. We are looking at potentially adopting a baby aged 1 year. The BM used amphetamines and alcohol during pregnancy. The baby tested positive for amphetamines when born but did not require medical attention. The baby was born at full term (41w) and at normal birth weight (approx 3kg), then went straight to foster carer they are with now. The baby is described as currently having a clean bill of health. The baby does not appear to have facial features associated with FAS and is extremely cute!

It still seems very much like a leap into the unknown with potential for issues further down the line. We have thought about adopting an older child which may eliminate some kinds of uncertainty e.g. developmental.

I would be grateful for any thoughts anyone has to share! :)

[Lifeisnotsimple]

We adopted with drug and alco probs in pregnancy. Like everything there is a element of risk. You cant predict the future, you can only rely on the evidence the medical provides. We went ahead so far so good, our son is thriving and overly intelligent. When your at that stage there is no bond developed so you do worry about things. Our son has been with us for 3 yrs and id die for him, nothing can be thrown at us now that i couldn't deal with, if there were probs of alcohol fetal, or drugs then you just deal with them like if it was our own biological child. If you can do that then there is no reason not to go ahead.

[Lifeisnotsimple]

Sorry just re read your post, again if you go with an older child you could have attachment issues, but again its all if and buts. Its really what you can deal with. Attachment issues and the behaviour is challenging. You need to read other peoples adoptions and see if you could deal with the behaviour.

[Ted27]

Just be aware that not having facial features does not mean the child does not have FAS/D. The facial features only occur if the mother drank heavily at a specific point in the pregnancy.
I think if its known that she used alcohol throoughout the pregnancy there is a risk that the baby has been affected.

My son was older, nearly 8 at placement. So yes I had a much better idea, broadly speaking of his needs. However, you never really know how its going to turn out. We have been fortunate.

Adoption is a leap of faith. Imagine the worst possible sceanrio for this child - could you deal with that, would you want to ? If not walk away.

[jellycatspyjamas]

Totally agree with @ted27 - there’s always uncertainty with children and adoption brings its own challenges. Could you stay committed to this child regardless of their outcome down the line - they won’t always be a cute bundle and may have issues around adoption, pre-birth substance misuse etc that won’t be apparent yet, so make your decision based on what you think you could cope with in the worst case while hoping and planning for the best.

[newbie700]

Thanks guys for all the extremely helpful advice!

[SimonJT]

My son also experienced his birth mothers substance abuse during pregnancy, so I will always worry about the physical damage that has potentially caused. He is now almost three as has hit all but one milestone, as much as that makes me happy, I wouldn’t love him any less if he hadn’t hit them.

[Imeantunavailable]

Do lots of reading OP around this issue. Make a list of questions for anything you are not sure of. You should at some point get to meet the "adoption doctor"? Sorry, official title completely escapes me. Ask them as many questions as you can. Then weigh it up.