Hi Im new to this group but Im looking for answers as feeling a little deflated at the moment and can't find a solid explanation. I apologise in advance for the long post.
So we have tried to start the adoption process on several occasions with our local authority, but keep being knocked back and i dont understand the rational.
I have always wanted to adopt. Although there is no one in my immediate family who is adopted Ive had close friends since i was a teenager who were either adopted themselves or their brothers/ sisters were, or they are adopting themselves; so its felt like something i wanted to do. Ive always wanted biological children too.
My husband has been married before and has two now older teenagers, who Ive helped raise since they were 7&9. He is very open to adoption too.
When we first attended an open evening, 6 years ago, we were told that unless I was prepared to give up work for 12 months then we could not apply as the child needed stability and could not go to nursery. At the time we couldn't afford this much time off work. So we went away, i changed jobs and got myself into a financial position where i could take 12 months of maternity.
We went back 4 years ago, this time we were asked about our desire for biological children. We said we were trying, but nothing was happening but still felt that we had space in our hearts for an adopted child. we were asked to come back when we had either finished our biological family, or we had completed Fertility treatment as we would not be considered until then. We were not told why this was the case, just that biological children had to come first. So we went away confused and disappointed again.
Unfortunately it turns out my DH has issues, so we went for IVF. We have had a decent cycle and lots of frozen embryos made, but unfortunatley non are yet to stick after 3 transfers- thats been the last 18 months. We are slightly fed up of the process and want to take some time out from all the drugs and injections, and to be honest the cost. i called our LA again about adoption/ foster to adopt and keep being told that until we have totally finished fertility treatment they will not consider us. Given we have 8 embryos left and its an average of a 3 month cycle window thats possibly another 2 years, without any breaks.
i guess my question and very long winded way of saying is why?
we are 6 years since we first went to that open evening. i feel like im being told that we can only adopt as a 'last resort' and that's not what i want. i want both and i dont see adoption as a 'fall back' if we cant have our own children (so sorry if that sounds offensive, i cant think how else to word it). it feels, rightly or wrongly, that that is the way the system is setting things up .
There are so many children in care/ waiting for adoption in my LA that i just dont understand it- im not being given any reasoning and im getting frustrated. If IVF never works for us then it never works, if it does it does- i dont understand this approach, or at least this flat no without ever meeting us to discuss it properly? i feel like we are being told no without even getting to know us. there are plenty of places and people who have mixed families of different ages and background, it doesn't mean were going to love them any less.
my best friend lives in the USA, she has 3 bio children and 1 adopted child. they were not in that order and its never been an issue for her.
I get that if we start adoption and are accepted we would need to put IVF on hold to focus on the child- i totally get that. But why cant we adopt before having biological children?
sorry if that was a rant, i just keep thinking after 6 years we could have made made a difference and brought one or two children into our home and family. instead my LA has a tonne of kids in care and not enough fosterers or adopters.
thanks x
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10 replies
motherofdogscatschickens · 11/03/2019 18:19
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