Out of no where 6 months pregnant.

[Choices88]

Good Afternoon,
Me and my girlfriend have been together a little over a year. After a few months separation due to work and travelling (still in a relationship during this time) we were finally reunited Sept 18.

Between that point and now we’ve been on contraception and she’s done numerous pregnancy tests all negative, until one test about a week ago which she only did on a whim because she had a few comments from customers whilst at work. So with that in mind we attempted to establish between us how far gone she could be due to the changing of the her/our contraception.

So as we are massively (financially, our current accommodation position and points in either of our careers I’m about to change mine which could make us struggle for a while before we’re stable again and we actually don’t want or have never wanted them together) not in the position to take on a child she visited Marie Stoops clinic to do the enivitable. Now expecting she was several weeks and she could take the pill - which was both our decision.

They judge her as being 6 months!!! Errr right!! Bearing in mind she’s done several tests from September - Today and she was on either the pill ,the patch or I’ve worn it - we’re not naive enough to try fate. The tests up until a week were negative. Now my GF is a curvy girl but not enough to hide 6 month bump and have been doing things such as drinking massivley over the Xmas period because as far as we were concerned there was no issue.

Now the queries I have are:
Can they mistake how far gone you are?

If they are correct can we apply for adoption before we give birth? I know for a fact there are many parents out there ready, willing and looking to have but are unable to “have” their own. I would never want to raise one without financial safety & living stability when there’s many that have gone through checks upon checks to be ready for a opportunity.

Our heads are on fire since finding out, she’s going to get a second opinion and a re-check before looking at options etc

We are completely together on all decisions but I never thought this would ever happen.

I appreciate all opinions and views just need people to talk to.

Thank you all so much in advance x

[Ted27]

Well firstly I think you need to try not to panic. Yes there are many prospective adopters waiting but honestly the best place for any child is with a loving birth family. It sounds like you are both working, many families manage on not much money, your priorities change - that drinking money can be channeled into something else.

The short answer is yes, you can talk to social services now, but its not just as simple as handing the baby over.
Please do not underestimate the emotional toll, particularly on your girlfriend, of carrying this child to term and then giving him or her away. You may feel very differently when the baby arrives. Nor do you want to do anything you may regret in a few years time.
There is no right or wrong answer here, but you need to do a lot of thinking, and don't make any decisions in haste.

[Maiyakat]

Your heads must be all over the place. Your girlfriend is right to get another scan (presuming the clinic did one) if you have questions about the accuracy of the first, but all radiographers are trained and regulated so unlikely to make significant errors in dating a pregnancy.

If she is not able to have a termination then she needs to book for maternity care ASAP - her GP will be able to advise who to contact. The midwives can refer to Social Services if you explain you are considering adoption or you can contact them directly.

Best of luck to you both whatever you decide.

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Warning! this will be harsh but it is coming from the mother of an adoptive child who has to deal with the decisions made by adults "in her best interests".
Children that go through the care system carry with them many issues due to either being taken from abusive families or being "abandoned," (using this term as it is how the children often see it even though these decisions are made with the best of intentions,) by those designed to love them the most. You want what is best for the baby but that isn't always adoption.
If you really really cannot give this child a roof, and some love then obviously adoption is a great option. Just make sure that if they come looking for you in 18 years, you can honestly say you did it selflessly, because you believed it was the best thing for them.

[Bumblebeesmum]

Don’t panic there is a long time to go before a baby arrives. There is also a lot of support out there for new parents both emotionally and financially. I’d spend some time sourcing out all the information and support you can & once your shock and panic has eased you may feel very differently

[Choices88]

I thank you all so much for your comments and opinions about our predicament.

To keep you all in our loop, my GF visited her local GP for a second opinion now they used the disc to establish how far gone she is which is basically just maths from the first day of her monthly “cycle”. Which they would make her 23 weeks (under the threshold) and told her to book a rescan with Marie Stopes.

Of which she eventually did after umpteen phone calls and waiting on the local MS clinic’s manager to OK her for a rescan.
So, I took this afternoon off work and my GF travelled back down from her parents in N.Yorkshire so she could attend an appt in W.London.

They refused to rescan her! This was our last potential hope of getting anything done and they outright refused regardless of her GP’s opinion. She was in the room with the ultrasound/scanning equipment and they still refused saying that “our equipment is good and is never usually wrong”. But mathematics and just purely counting the weeks would say it is.

Now, she has to go through everything to have this. We did everything possible to avoid being pregnant in the beggining to not be such a position as this but unfortunately that 1% risk in anything we’ve used - was our downfall I guess.

Now we have to think about what’s the best arrangement, to have the birth up with her parents where she is registered or see if they will allow the birth and the adoption process to go through down south where she isn’t registered with a GP.

Again I thank you all for suggestions and advice x

[poppet31]

Can you pay to get a private scan done perhaps?

[PrivacyPolicyYeahRight]

Yes I think a private scan is between £60-100? I would be scraping the money together to do it.

[cansu]

I think you need to give your girlfriend some space to come to terms with the pregnancy so she can make an informed decision. You seem to be convinced that a termination or an adoption is the answer but both of these are huge decisions that should not be made in a rush or with pressure from someone else.