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Potty Training

9 replies

Sillyshell · 21/09/2018 23:55

Hi our dad was placed with us in December and turned 3 in July. We have made tentative attempts at potty training but it's not going well so far.

Some days she will say that she needs to go but any attempts by me to get her to sit on the potty/toilet are refused and can cause a meltdown.

Really not sure how much to push her, she's not in nursery yet so it's not a major issue I guess but we are planning on starting her in January. We are in Scotland so that will be the new term.

I just don't want to cause her any unnecessary distress but also don't want to leave it too long, any advice would be appreciated

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Sillyshell · 21/09/2018 23:56

DD not dad!

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OlennasWimple · 22/09/2018 02:14

Go at her pace - when she's ready, she will do it quickly IME.

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Amaaaazing · 22/09/2018 07:24

Hi op,
How has she settled generally? If she is settled and ok then I would stop for a month then try again. If she has not settled then I would stop until she is.
My daughter has been with us 2.5 years and was also 3 in July. I started training her in April. It took about two months for her to get the feeling of needing to go and making it to a potty! Then it suddenly clicked. She is now using a toilet!

I made the massive mistake of trying the “oh crap” method. Never again. We were both traumatised. So we went at her pace and it was ok

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Sillyshell · 22/09/2018 08:08

It doesn't help that we also have a 2.4 son, so any trips to the toilet involves all three of us and usually ends in them fighting

She is fairly settled so I'm scared to do anything that will set her back but also conscious that she will need to be trained before nursery

I bought the oh crap book too but haven't read it yet, guess it's one of the charity shop!

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Amaaaazing · 22/09/2018 08:26

The book had amazing reviews but trying to potty train in 3 days did not work for my daughter. Could be to do with adoption or could be to do with who she is. She is very young for her age and a bit behind developmentally. That book is a very harsh intro to potty training and if you are nervous about setting her back I would avoid. Some bits were useful though!

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Rainatnight · 22/09/2018 09:31

So what 'Oh Crap' would say is that tentative attempts don't work. You either do or not do. (She says it like Yoda!)

She's all about doing it full on, you being really firm and just cracking on. I tried it, and it didn't work for my DD. (Who is adopted but has been with us since 8 months and is very very settled).

I concluded she wasn't ready and put her back in nappies (and I gave it a really good shot).

I'd say given your DD is relatively recently placed and is strongly objecting, just take a break for a few months. Does she have to go to nursery in Jan? If you have one in mind, it might be worth having a word with them to explain the situation, saying you don't feel comfortable pushing her cos building attachment is the priority for you right now, and asking how they can work around it. I think their response will be quite telling about their attitude to the whole adoption thing anyway.

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PicaK · 22/09/2018 11:54

What does your gut tell you? To me it sounds like she's not ready. My friend is a nanny and told me if it goes wrong or turns into a battle then just to leave it a few months. (I followed her advice with my birth son and left it 6 months so he was 4 before he was dry.)
I've just potty trained AD who is 3 (in june). Or rather i've spent the whole summer having little bits of nappy off time and letting her wee all over the garden. We had nearly a year of refusing to sit on the potty even fully clothed. She seemed terrified of it. Took her a long time to accept it being in the room.
I think being in preschool and watching other kids wee has helped a lot. In England they don't have to be dry before they start school even.
Feel confident in saying stuff this for a game of soldiers we're concentrating on attachment.

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insmithereens · 24/09/2018 14:14

It's only September. Plenty of time for your DD to be ready by Jan!

Our DD was placed in March & turned 3 in May. We had a potty from placement but waited until she referenced it / sat on it whilst watching tv.

We tried oh crap method but a more long & drawn out version is what we told ourselves. DD was basically naked for two weeks whenever in the house & would generally make it to potty on time. Soon as she was clothed tho she just soiled herself & that took us about two months to get through - so lots of washing & spare pants! For ages we asked her in the morning, nappy or pants today & let her chose. Always put a nappy on her if we were going out, for our own sakes really.

Now she's totally dry & using a potty or toilet & in nursery.

Just be patient, go at her pace & backtrack to nappies whenever it's better for you all. Just don't stress about it

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Sillyshell · 24/09/2018 20:47

I think I'm over thinking it all. Getting too much advice from well meaning grandparents and friends! You're all right in that I need to go at her pace and not make it a thing when it doesn't need to be . My son seems to be more enthusiastic than she does so it may be that that they both get the hang of it together. I'm assuming she will need to be dry for nursery but actually I don't know and no she doesn't need to go in January as I will still be a home with our son

Thank you all