Final sibling goodbye contact

[IAmMumWho]

Hi my two children are today having their goodbye contact with their half siblings. SW and CSW have explained in a child friendly way that this will be the last time they see them till their all grown up. (18 years old) for my two.

I have sat them down again this morning and spoke to them about how today will be a wonderful but emotional day and if they want to cry or shout n scream they can. I just got a puzzled look.

My LG asked if her sister can come to our house and if she can go to hers. I've said no. She got upset as I thought she would. She's only 4, so doesn't quite understand.

We my husband and I won't be present at contact nor will the siblings carer. We'll be outside in another room.

I'm so heartbroken for them all, we've made pictures for the siblings which are meaningful.

How do I stay strong for my babies? I have told them it's ok to ask us questions and we'll be writing letters twice a year giving updates on milestones etc.

All I want to do is wrap them up from all this hurt and pain.

[flapjackfairy]

I see no one has replied so I just wanted to say it is a v difficult situation all round and i feel for you all.
I am a fc and have experience of final contacts and they are always extremely hard and emotive . It is a shame that there can be no ongoing face to face contact with siblings as it seems so sad that they have to lose even more than they already have.
It is the nature of adoption sadly, gain and loss hand in hand.
Non of that helps you i know but i will be thinking of you and your little ones and send best wishes on what will be a tough day x

[iftheskythatwelookupon]

It sounds awful for them, I am so sorry. Will you be able to give them updates on the siblings periodically, once every few months, to reassure them that the siblings are ok and are being looked after?
They may well worry about them.

Is it possible the situation will change and contact will be possible at any time in the future, before they are 18? Or are their carers saying no to that?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Is there a reason they cannot have yearly contact?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Sorry, pressed send too soon. I hope you are all doing okay after contact today. Big hugs for the kids.

[Cassie9]

Such a sad situation. I'm sure you will find the strength to help your children through this difficult situation. Thinking of you all x

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

Can you and the other children's carers not facilitate future contact between the siblings?

[PicaK]

Perhaps the other children are with kinship carers who still have contact with birth parents.
I feel for you. Tough day for them, tough day for you.

[PicaK]

[ladymelbourne1926]

I'm so sorry I hope yesterday was a kind to everyone as it could be. How awful for your children, so much loss they have to cope with. Cutting off sibling contact when a relationship is established is rare these days so I'm sure there must be a significant risk for this step to be taken.
I'm sure in time yearly updates will bring them great comfort.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

I hope it all well. In my experience the actual contact itself was ok because my two (4 and 6) didn’t really understand what was happening. It’s been since then we’ve had to deal with grief or loss - when they ask to see their sibling, or have contact and can’t theres a very emotional reaction and we revisit their adoption story quite a bit.

You may find that as the weeks and months go on, they’re more upset or distressed than they seem currently.

[IAmMumWho]

Thanks for all the replies

It did go really well for the children involved. Was supervised by SW and CSW so me and my husband and their siblings carer wasn't there but we was in the car.

No yearly face to face as judge orders. Twice yearly mailbox is all we can do.

They can all meet again once my two reach 18 sadly not before.

Siblings have contact with birth Mum hence not being allowed to have further contact with my two.

Xx

[iftheskythatwelookupon]

I am glad the day went well. If you wanted to revisit contact as time goes by then I believe you can ask the SWs to speak to the other carers and the court order can be revisited.

I won't ask questions because I am sure you won't want to divulge more on the internet, but it is confusing to read that a birth mother has contact with some siblings not others, I guess it highlights the different approaches taken by different authorities and social workers.