Early days

[Lolly90]

Hi everyone I need a bit of help
Me and my husband are looking into adoption.
I have been reading through the details that came with all the different steps that they take and I have been reading one about where they speak to your ex regarding the children you have with them
My question is how much do they take into consideration when having these interviews as my Hb and his ex do not get on and she will bad mouth him when ever she gets the change. She has also made up rumours which are also not true but could harm our application

Thanks in advance

[Italiangreyhound]

I think social services are well used to bitter exes. I don't have a bitter ex but have read about them a bit here!

Just be honest about everything. Warm social services ex will be unhelpful.

Good luck.

[Anon2018123]

Thank you for your reply

I’m hoping this will be the case
X

[skysparkle1]

DH and myself both had a significant relationship before meeting which we disclosed to SW. Insignificant relationships we ignored (1st boyfriend, 1yr casual dating etc). Neither of us had had contact with our exs since breaking up 15years ago and were nervous of them being contacted.

However, we were assured that our exs would be asked a simple question along the lines of 'is there any reason why xxx should not be considered to adopt?. Not so intrusive and if they are decent they will simply reply 'no'.

It helped us in that the interviewing SW said she had adopted and her ex was not very nice when asked the question; but LA took it with a pinch of salt and looked at all the evidence rather than just the word of a bitter man.

We were also told that it was something they had to do because an adoptive dad had had an abusive relationship in the past, the ex was not interviewed and the adopted child was hurt (can't remember details) in some way because of this. The child might not have been placed with the adoptive parents if the abusive past had been known.

We took a deep breathe and just hoped nothing would come of it, and from what I understand (but don't know because LA can't tell you what was said) both exs said 'nothing to worry about.'

We are now provisionally matched with a mini and all being well, he'll be with us inside of a month!

Best thing to be is honest. Fingers all crossed for you.

[thomassmuggit]

Does your DH have children with his bitter ex? And is he a good dad?

SWs will care far more about that. Otherwise, see the thread about the dad wanting to adopt who has no contact.

SWs are used to bitter/malicious exes, and will see through any subjective mudslinging nonsense. However, if she has any evidence for her allegations, or accuses him of abuse, it will be listened to. It's hard to be completely reassuring without knowing your circumstances.Even if you get approved, if there is a question over this, then it could stop you being matched.