What should I do to prepare?

[talllikejerryhall]

I am meeting with a newborn's social worker and the family finder, and I just wanted to know if there was anything I could / should be doing to prepare - beyond cleaning the house / getting in the biscuits / thinking about how we could best meet the child's needs? I know I can't control the situation into submission, but really want to make a good impression, so grateful for any good, practical advice.

[CrazyCatLaydee123]

Write down a list of any and all questions, however daft, that come to mind. You can whittle it down later, but it saves that felling of questions having vacated your brain when asked, knowing that you will wake up at 3am the next night with your brain whizzing full of thoughts and questions...

Although that might just be me!

[talllikejerryhall]

hahaha yes, good shout! Is there anything they are really looking for, that I should be emphasizing? Knowledge of local nurseries, or whatever? Baby's newborn so not something we would have to think about, but I wondered if that sort of thing had to be researched beforehand.

[CrazyCatLaydee123]

Books you've read / experience with children and newborns? Stuff you will need to buy / furnish house with prior to arrival of baby? Not really sure you could do much more than that really?

[MypocketsarelikeNarnia]

Are there other prospective adopters in the mix?

I'd just try to remember you are selling yourselves and be upfront about that. So:

Them - 'This is a lovely area'
You - 'Yes we love it. There are amazing parks and a great museum. The bus takes us directly into town and the local schools are all really good. More biscuits? '
Them - 'They're lovely'
You - 'Thanks. I'm a very keen cook and really looking forward to baking with tiny-newborn-child once she's old enough, if we're selected. I'll be taking a year's mat leave. We like to eat very healthily as a family and cook everything from scratch.'



Massive exaggeration I know but do try to sell yourself and don't assume they have really read your PAR.

[RaspberrySnowCone]

Our visit from what I remember consisted of being asked about our values as a couple, how we would raise LO, how would we approach raising LOs story with them/support them as they grew up, our thoughts on name and whether we would expect to change the name, our thoughts on how we would handle the uncertainty of adopting a young baby ie the unknowns that come with adopting a newborn where any health/emotional issues are not yet known etc. What sort of parent will you be, how long will you take off work etc were other things they covered.

I gave the house a massive clean, bought posh biscuits (which they didn't eat until I forced them) and was glad I cleaned because they looked around.

Your SW should be there too so if you do get stuck they should be able to jump in and prompt you! Hope it goes well and that you're bringing LO home soon!

[tldr]

Don't tell them you'll change the name. Even if you will. If they suggest it, make sure you're appropriately sympathetic about it. (Most) SWs (seem to) hate name changes.

[RaspberrySnowCone]

Completely agree with tldr but that is what they are fishing for...

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

I think you should also ask questions that help you decide whether you will be the 'right' parents for the child. Depending on what info you already have you may want to check things like

• BP medical histories (e.g. drug use, drink, ASD, manic depression or whatever)
• pre natal care of baby
• expectations wrt contact
• any siblings in existence

If you already know this stuff then make sure you have looked up about any specific things. e.g. If mum is a drinker, have you read up on FAS. If parents have mental health issues, have you looked at risk of child inheriting, and what that might mean.

[talllikejerryhall]

Thank you all SO much!

All suggestions noted - I feel a lot more confident about the meeting now...