Neighbours and awkward conversations

[CrazyCatLaydee123]

We are reaching the end of Stage 1 and hopefully Stage 2 and home visits will be upon us. We are just a bit worried about how our next door neighbour may affect things.

Me and DH bought our house 4 years ago. We love the house and the area, it's near a great school and a park and I can walk to work. Our next door neighbour moved in not long after us. He is an unemployed single dad of a 6yo. His garden is a tip, his landlord is uninterested. The main problem though is that we're pretty sure he's a drug dealer, and his house/garden (and ours as it is a terrace) reek of weed all the time.

I'm not sure what SS would make of this last part really. DH is debating having a chat with him about it - we don't want SWs judging us thanks to his habits, and I'm pretty sure he wants to avoid being on their radar.

I guess what I'm asking is - should I be worried about this? What would you guys do in this situation?

[MypocketsarelikeNarnia]

Wow that's an interesting one. Something similar happened to us post ao and I was just wondering the other day how it would have affected our home study.

Does it smell IN your house? If so I think I'd be speaking first with your neighbour and then if nothing changes in a week or so with landlord and police. You have the right to quiet enjoyment of your home and that must be difficult if it smells of any kind of smoke.

Dh had some other ideas for dealing with ours but luckily ll was on side and has evicted. Pm me if you want, don't want to out myself!

[MypocketsarelikeNarnia]

I would also tell him you're going to follow that plan. I was far too nice with giving our neighbours the benefit of the doubt until it became completely obvious what was happening.

[CrazyCatLaydee123]

Thanks pockets! We have done a crime watch tip off already but nothing came of it that we're aware of. It very regularly smells IN our house (especially our master bedroom).

We will go with your above plan - glad someone else thinks I'm not BU. I'm not letting this muck up our adoption process!

[Alljamissweet]

That's tricky! Have you spoken to the neighbours on the other side? Are you sure he isn't growing it? ....... If he is, I'd be alerting the police I think. And there is a child in there too.

[FuckedOffMum]

If he's not growing it, but is just a heavy enough user to generate a noticeable smell both indoors and out, perhaps a call to Environmental Health might help expedite things with the landlord/necessary authorities?

[Hels20]

Crazy - I actually think the SWs might be more concerned about his child and raise a safe guarding issue. If his garden is a tip - his house might be too. Shows possible neglect. Which would probably be ignored but for the smell of cannabis. I think if they went round and smelled the cannabis, and found out a 6 year old was living there - I think they would be negligent not to investigate. would he really want SWs poking their noses in?And I know lots of people are very relaxed these days about cannabis - but I strongly feel you shouldn't be smoking it anywhere near a child or when you have sole responsibility for a young child.

If you can smell it in your house, this isn't an occasional habit. Poor you.

[combined02]

OP, I think that making sure the 6 year old is ok should be your priority. Living in a tip and recreational smoking is less than ideal, but if you are really pretty sure he is dealing and/or smoking cannabis heavily then that really is a whole other dimension, and makes it a totally unacceptable environment for a child. The threat of SWs coming to see you putting him on the radar or other ways of getting him to stop or go may or may not work for you but it won't help the child. Dealing brings with it all sorts of potential dangers, and smoking heavily means the child will be affected by the smoke. It sounds awful.

If you feel savvy enough to do a recce then fine - it is true that some people smoke dope for pain relief re MS etc, that the house may be lovely even though the garden is a tip, that he might burn white sage which smells extremely strong and exactly like dope, and the people who visit are just visitors... who knows... but I would say checking it out for the benefit of the child is the priority. Do you agree?

[CrazyCatLaydee123]

Combined - I completely agree and if I beleived the child to be in any danger I would have gone straight to SS with it - I don't know about the inside of the house but despite the weed, dealing, mess, and his complete fecklessness, his heart is in the right place and, whilst his son does not have the most amazing dad ever, they do seem to be muddling through alright. The kid attends school every day, and stays at his granny's a lot too (she looked after him full time until he started school).

I'm a bugger for always trying to see the best in people. We're hoping a chat about SWs hanging around might be the kick up the ar*e he needs (as well as benefitting us), if not, they will soon notice him!

We haven't told a lot of people yet that we are going through the adoption process and we wouldn't normally tell neighbours until such a time as we had a match... but needs must I guess!

[MypocketsarelikeNarnia]

I wouldn't tell him about adoption. Just say you are applying for a role which means you will have a lot of interaction with Ss including in your house. Which is true.

[combined02]

It sounds like if you could persuade him to stop dealing and smoke a wee bit less himself that would be a very good thing! Hope it goes well.

He might not know it stinks out your house and garden (unless you have already told him). I used to live in a terrace, and my ndn smoked because he had aids, and he was getting older, and he said it helped, and I didn't smell it once.

[Kr1stina]

Growing cannabis is a BIG fire risk . I'd be worried about that if I lived in a terraced house .