Talk

Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Clever answers to thoughtless questions?

(9 Posts)
Chocogoingcuckoo Thu 03-Dec-15 19:10:45

We're starting to let friends and family know we're going through the adoption process and the questions are rolling in. "Why would you want to raise someone else's kids and not have your own?", "Can you not have your own kids?", "your brother has three kids and your having to adopt" blah blah blah.

What questionable questions have you been asked and what answers do you have prepared for them?

GirlsWhoWearGlasses Thu 03-Dec-15 19:20:05

"Mind your own business" is always useful grin. It's hard though, I guess it depends who you're talking to, but if it's someone you don't want to share personal info with, I'd stick with, "We've given it a lot of thought and are very excited about how we're starting our family." or similar.

Think of it as practice for when they get nosey about your child's background.

MrsH1989 Thu 03-Dec-15 21:00:05

We have a 3 yr old so people have been pretty confused as to why we are now adopting. I have been very honest and told them the truth...we cant have anymore of our own. We discussed adoption before conceiving our son and are very comfortable with the decision. Think of it as practice for when the social worker ask. smile

Chocogoingcuckoo Thu 03-Dec-15 21:10:48

Haha yeah mind your own business is the polite version of what I want to say but find myself being taken by surprise that people are so nosey and insensitive that I tell them what's going on and later wishing I had a clever response to not really giving much away.

NigelLikesSalad Thu 03-Dec-15 21:24:10

I've never managed to think of anything clever, it always depends on the person and the situation. A polite 'it was a very personal decision that is just for me/DH to know' is what a few nosey bastards got. The rudest response I ever had was 'so you couldn't have your own' by someone who is actually very supportive and caring. I hunk people sometimes just blurt stuff out without thinking. Just ignore them, you'll get much worse once LO comes home, people seem to think they are entitled to know every bit of your child's history. It's bizarre.

gabsdot Fri 04-Dec-15 09:22:56

I think an uncomfortable silence, hard stare and then asking "why would ask that?" or "Why do you think that? " or "Why do you want to know that?" is a very effective way to shut people up.

ChocolateJam Sat 05-Dec-15 11:04:03

"How interesting that you think that is an appropriate question to ask!"

As for comments about "your own", I just tell people that DD is my own, who else's would she be?

Chocogoingcuckoo Tue 08-Dec-15 16:32:16

Honestly some folk. I like the suggestions, I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunities to try them out!!

pipppopin Fri 02-Sep-16 10:00:24

I have huge respect for the friends or new acquaintances who ask nothing about our international adoption. I can tell they have burning questions but are too classy to ask. Silent & profound gratitude goes their way! To the others who babble out insensitive questions, I have perfected a death stare which is always above / away from my ds' eye line. If he is within ear shot I respond with 'thanks for asking, why do you want to know?' Turn the spot light back on the nosey moron. There are a lot of pea brains out there.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now