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Adopting a stepchild

(9 Posts)
kezza8119 Wed 20-May-15 16:26:54

Hi all,

Looking for some advice on my partner adopting my daughter.

My daughter will be 12 years old in September, and I have been with my wife for just over 10 years (we had our same sex civil partnership 4yrs ago.) My daughter was only 1 when we got together.

My daughter does see her dad, once a week when he collects her Friday at 6pm and drops her home Saturday lunch time. He does have parental responsibility which I have no problem with.

The main reason I am enquiring about adoption is because my daughter has asked me that, if anything ever happened to me would she have to live with her dad, or can she stay living with her step mum and just visit dad like she always does. My wife has no issue with this and sees my daughter as her own anyway having been part of her life since before she could walk.

I am not sure where my daughter would stand with this though, as she will only be 12yrs old in September and if dad has parental responsibility would she be made to live with him if anything happened to me? He is no threat to her, and I am not saying he is not a good father, BUT she would not want to live with him and so I am looking for advice.

I am only 34yrs so hopefully nothing will happen to me in the near future, but her asking this has made me think, alongside with the fact I have just lost a friend who was in her 30's and so I feel the need to know that god forbid something happened to me my daughter would be ok with her wishes.

I would imagine her dad would oppose my partner adoping my daughter, so what happens if he does?

Any advice would be much appreciated?


WishUponAStar88 Wed 20-May-15 21:42:27

I have no experience in this area but would imagine that your partner could not adopt her given that there is no reason for PR to be taken off her dad.

floatyjosmum Wed 20-May-15 22:14:07

Have you spoken to him about what would happen if something happened to either of you? ?

adoption does not sound as though it is in the best interests of your daughter if she is having regular contact etc and I would assume that he won't agree.

I think an honest conversation is a better idea!

EatShitDerek Wed 20-May-15 22:15:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diploddycus Wed 20-May-15 22:19:09

It is in my will that my son would continue to live with his step-dad and siblings. It doesn't override the fact his bio-dad could fight to have him live with him but I'm glad my wishes are written down.

nixpix Wed 20-May-15 23:20:43

Does your wife have parental responsability now? as a step parent she could and this would give her legal rights and responsabilities over your daughter but not take them away from your daughter's father. I would also put your wishes in a will too.

slkk Wed 20-May-15 23:49:33

I agree, go for pr for your wife, then she would have the same rights as the dad if you were no longer around and the courts would consider this along with your daughter's wishes and interests if it came to this. Dad would ha e to agree to pr but it wouldn't affect his rights.

Kewcumber Thu 21-May-15 08:08:16

Courts would be extremely reluctant to remove the link between biological parent and child, particularly with ongoing contact. I agree with getting PR for your partner and if anything happens to you the court would (if it came to a fight) be inclined to favour the custodial person with PR and also to take into account your DD's wishes.

AGirlCalledBoB Thu 21-May-15 08:12:52

I would imagine there is no reason to take PR off her dad so it's unlikely the adoption order will be granted. However you could look into pr for your wife or write a will asking your wife get primary custody should your die and then your daughter still visits her dad. Her dad could fight to have her, and it would be his right but they would take at least take your wife into account.

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