Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
Looked After Reviews(12 Posts)
My gorgeous little boy came home three weeks ago yesterday and we had the first Looked After Review today.
I was just wondering if others found them tough. My son was not at all happy about the home invasion - there were five visitors (only one of whom he had met before - his sw). He sucks two fingers to comfort himself which he did quite a lot during intros but this has really disappeared apart from when he is v tired but his fingers never left his mouth this morning. Made me feel like a fraud when I was saying that things were going well and he generally seems happy - fortunately my sw arrived first and saw him having fun with me.
He did not settle very easily tonight and I am expecting quite a lot of night time waking. Fortunately the next review has been arranged for a time when he should be asleep.
On a more positive note when we went out for a walk this afternoon it struck me how much nicer the world seems with my boy. He is very smiley and so as we walk around lots of people are smiling back and life feels pretty good. Got a feeling I will need to remember this thought at 2, 3 and 4 this morning!
Ah poor little boy. I agree that the lac reviews can be very unsettling and even if the child cannot understand everything being said I think they know something is up. We were lucky that our first one was in school holidays so older children were there to entertain ds but he did get upset towards the end and this went on for a few days afterwards. They asked that he be present for the second one but I finally decided it was not right and his sw agreed it could be held while he was at nursery and then he could be collected a bit early as the iro needed to see him. It sounds like nap time is a good idea as long as he doesn't wake up to find his house full of social workers! However, trust your instincts if you feel it is not working for him and be strong when arguing his case.
I don't think it helped that my sw and the IRO seemed to have a difficult relationship which created tension in the room. If his sleeping patterns remain the same/similar it should be okay but I agree if not I'll have to push for a change of plan. It was tough seeing him so anxious - must be so confusing.
DD ignores people she doesn't know, and/or people she sees rarely. But whenever her SW arrives, she goes stiff, then starts to scream. And we have some fall out afterwards.
It's impressive in a way. She has seen her SW less often than once per month and basically she shouldn't retain any memory of any individual person over such timespans at her age.
Not much you can do though, except providing reassurance by remaining as calm as possible yourself and sticking to your normal routines as much as possible.
I dont know anything about adoption but this sounds a stupid arrangement. 5 people in your house is mad. Good luck with the next one!
But I am so glad things are going well for you and your little boy
I was lucky to escape this in quite this format - DS was treated as a privately fostered child so whilst we had 3-6 weekly reviews, it was with one social worker. Surely they don;t need to send 5 people or maybe they could alternate so they each get to see the child on a different occasion?
How often are LAC reviews?
It is ages until you have to have another one (tiny bright side...).
I got very firm
rude after the first one, and pointed out that although I had arranged for my mum to come and play with LO during the review, she was close by and she has ears. She hears and understands everything, and I was not prepared to have protracted discussions in front of her. Like you, we had disrupted sleep and behaviour after the first one.
In all fairness, LO's SW took the approach of writing a massively detailed advance report for the next LAC review, and sending it round really early, so everyone in the review had read it, and they were able to come for a short meeting, pick up a couple of minor points and check there were plans to resolve them, and then say they were happy with what they'd read so that was it.
LO wasn't thrilled about them all being there, but the lack of discussion and the brevity of the visit, helped a lot. I think she also picked up on the fact that by the second review I was more confident and comfortable with her, so she was more relaxed too.
I hope your night wasn't too bad and you and your LO are OK today.
Last night wasn't as bad as I feared as he only woke up once at 5 and was settled again v quickly. He seems v tired today though and I noticed him looking out at the front garden a lot (where the visitors appeared from). He is only 18 months and developmentally delayed so whilst I talked to him about what was happening I don't think it will have meant much to him.
The next review is not until the start of March when we're going to discuss putting in for the AO so yes I think I should put it out of my mind for a bit and enjoy the here and now.
We were supposed to have our first on Friday but it's postponed until next week now. We've only got 3 coming to ours, our sw, little ones sw and iro but dreading it! He's only 6 months so hoping he won't be too concerned by it all though.
After the first one (or even for the first one, can't remember) I got a friend round to play with DD2 in a different room so I could concentrate on the meeting (DD1 at school).
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.