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Will this stand in our way of adopting?

(12 Posts)
32flavours Mon 23-Sep-13 17:00:59

We are in the early stages of the adoption journey, due to go on the adoption course soon. I've recently been having a hard time at work and it has caused me to struggle with anxiety. Luckily I realised I was having problems quite early on, and went to see my doctor who signed me off sick for a few months. During this time I went to see a counsellor to help me find coping strategies to deal with my anxiety, and my doctor put me on anti depressants. I'm much better now and due to start back at work next week. In fact I feel I am a much stronger person now, I know myself a lot better and feel able to deal with stress and anxiety much more efficiently. However I am worried the adoption agency will see my diagnosis of anxiety and come to the conclusion that I can't deal with adopting. I am confident that I can, and that my anxiety was due to me being over worked and over stretching myself. I plan to leave work if we have a child, as we want our child to have one parent at home for at least the first year. I want to be a mum more than anything in the world, and adoption is the only way we can do that. It would break my heart if me seeking help from my doctor when I really needed it stood in the way of us becoming parents.

grants1000 Mon 23-Sep-13 19:17:54

I doubt it, a lot. My cousin adopted and she was on anti d's for over 2 years because of pressure at work as a teacher, the important thing is that she overcame it and colleagues and doctors wrote that in their letters. None of us are squeaky clean people all of the time and that is the truth, they want to know everything, warts and all! (not the nicest expression but you know what I mean!)

Good luck and try not to worry.

cedar12 Mon 23-Sep-13 19:20:22

I think it should be fine. Just be very honest with your social worker. The main thing is you got help and dealt with it, which they will see as a positive.
I had been treated for post natal depression before we adopted, they wanted to talk about it a lot but it didn't get in the way of us adopting. Good luck.

Lilka Mon 23-Sep-13 19:59:39

I think it will be fine, lots of adoptive parents have had counselling and/or been on anti-depressants and lots have been dignosed with anxiety

By seeking help and going to counselling, you have actually demonstrated several important qualities social workers are looking for in adoptive parents - being able to admit when something is wrong, being concerned for your own health, and being open to seeing and working with professionals to solve problems. That's all really important because sometimes adopted children need professional input post input and sometimes parents get post adoption depression etc. They don't want adoptive parents who push things under carpets and refuse to see professionals

All the best smile

Lilka Mon 23-Sep-13 20:00:23

that should have said "professional input post adoption"

Bananaketchup Mon 23-Sep-13 20:28:29

I was turned down the first time I applied, due to having had work-related anxiety. I have since been told the thinking has changed though. I persevered, jumped through SWs hoops and have 2 DCs asleep upstairs to show for it! Good luck.

TeenAndTween Mon 23-Sep-13 20:49:35

Do you realise you won't necessarily have to resign from work?

I think you are entitled to take 1 year's adoption leave. It won't all be paid, but it keeps you officially on the books. Check out your work's policy. Adoption leave should be the same as maternity (but you may find that maternity pay is better).
I went on adoption leave, and about 10 months in I was able to take voluntary redundancy - so in the end I was paid to leave when I would have left anyway! grin

flippingebay Mon 23-Sep-13 21:14:59

I've just been approved as an adopter smile
I've also been on AD's and Propanlol for anxiety at work. I no longer take the ADs but I do take the beta blockers for certain situations at work.

Have a chat with your SW and they will put you straight. Shouldn't be a problem though

32flavours Tue 24-Sep-13 10:41:45

Congratulations on being approved flipping, you must be so happy!
Thanks everyone, your posts have made me feel a lot better about things. I was planning on bringing it up with my sw next time we speak to her. I think it's best to be upfront about these kind of things, I just wanted know in advance if it was likely to be a stumbling block. Lilka it's nice to know that me seeking help might be seen as a positive, it makes sense though.
Teen I work in research and my contract ends next year. It's looking like we'd have to move in order for me to get another contract in my field, and that isn't something we want to do. We have an amazing support network here of both friends and family, so although it means we'll have less money if I quit work I think it will be much better for our child.
Out of interest, those of you who have adopted how long did the whole process take?

TeenAndTween Tue 24-Sep-13 14:52:07

Few years ago now, so our approval time would be shorter now:
Prep course to approval was 9 months
Approval to hearing about our girls 15 months
Moving in to court 15 months. (due to age of eldest and some legal issues)

Lilka Tue 24-Sep-13 15:24:04

I think my adoption timeline is pretty redundant now, especially since agencies are using the new system. But here it is anyway -

I made my first phone call in spring 1994, about 15 months to approval in mid 1995
Heard about DD1 in March 1996, then a few months of meetings, reports etc, to matching panel.
Started introductions with her in July 1996, she came home on the 9th August 1996
Legally adopted her in April 1998

Started the process again in 2002
Approved in 2003, over a year to approval
Heard about DD2 in November 2003
She came home in March 2004
And I legally adopted her end of April 2006

Decided to adopt DD2's sibling (my DS) in November 2006, he came home in February 2007, adopted January 2008

So some bits for me took a long time, but it's worth it in the end. And to be honest now I don't ever think about waiting for approval and waiting to find a match. It was hard at the time, but after adopting my kids, I found the momeory of waiting just faded away!

flippingebay Tue 24-Sep-13 19:39:56

We were matched today, so very happy grin

We made the initial telephone call in October, so it will be a year, give or take a few weeks, from then to when we meet out DD for the first time.

They did bring up my anxiety at panel today, but the question was around coping with stress and my anxiety. But they must have been happy enough to approve us.

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