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donor eggs vs adoption

(53 Posts)
Kerrigan90 Mon 12-Nov-12 00:06:31

Help, my husband and I are faced with infertility. We have two options to pursue our own little family. IVF using donor eggs or adoption. At the moment I'm confused as to the "best" route to take as my children from either route would not be biologically mine. (that sounds awful and don't look to offend, please excuse my 'still getting used to being infertile head and poor wording!!). Does anyone out there have experience of this choice. Pro's and cons?? Not really sure what I'm looking for or asking just putting it out there for some opinions/advice/support?! xx

Kewcumber Wed 14-Nov-12 20:34:14

"I've found in the past that those pursuing donor conception don't want to hear the viewpoints of DC adults because it doesn't fit with the path they've chosen" I can imagine that - having children is such a selfish process however you do it, sometimes it can be hard to hear the downsides of something you have chosen when you probably realise in the back of your mind you 're probably going to do it anyway.

I know it was something I felt very strongly about even at the time as I thought about how I would feel in your position (donor conception) and knew it would have left me feeling really like something was missing. For that reason (In the days when donors were anonymous in the UK) I imported (legally through a fertility clinic) known donor sperm from the US.

Sadly horrible people want children too (though sometimes you have to ask why?) and though its rarer, even with all the safeguards in adoption children sometimes end up with parents who are good deal less than perfect.

In my experience how children deal with adoption and or donor conception is down to a few simple things - the personality of the child (some people just naturally feel a stronger need to connect to their DNA if that makes sense), how open and supportive parents have been in helping them explore their start in life and probably how stable and secure their upbringing has been. How can you expect your child to act as if their as a real and valued part of your family if you don;t treat them like a real and valued part of the family?

I'm sure its no consolation Charlotte but your parents sound like the kind of parents whose children should have been adopted judgy pants firmly on.

KateSpade Wed 14-Nov-12 22:31:38

I do understand it from both sides, i know how totally different it is now, as i was under the impression getting a baby in an adoption now isn't normally the case, there are a lot more 1/2 year olds than babies.

I just wish more people would adopt, but then i can understand everyone wanting the pregnancy experience.

Italiangreyhound Wed 14-Nov-12 23:29:06

Charlotte I am so sorry for the horrible things that happened in your childhood and for the way your mother dealt with the awful situation.

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