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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


(53 Posts)
Lilka Sat 26-May-12 19:57:13

It's been a while since we had one of these. Anyone want to chat? Everyone welcome smile

It's rare that DD2 is in the mood for a cuddle or wants to spend any length of time with me in general. Tonight, she does want to curl up on the sofa with me and some chocolate watching TV

I am delighted smile

The (significant) downside is that, as you can probably guess, she wants to watch Eurovision

Frankly, I should get a medal for my acting skills in pretending that I a) want to watch it, and b) I actually like it

Why didn't she want to watch a nice movie or something??! Why do I have to spend my evening watching singing Russian grannies and bloody Jedward!

I will grin and bear it. I am envy of those of you whose kids are too young or too sensible to want to watch this. At least I have my laptop and therefore MN with me

What are you all doing this fine evening?

Kewcumber Wed 30-May-12 18:32:20

Someone recently said to me (not in front of DS) after discussing DS with them and his adoption (rarely discussed these days and it reminded me why) "so do you have any children?"


"Errmmm... just DS"

Of course I knew what they meant - do you have any real children

Lilka Wed 30-May-12 18:56:49

Kew shock Sadly, I am just not surprised. No insensitive comment surprises me any more sad

Yep, adoptionrulesok, that was exactly what they said! I know that was a prevalent attitude a good few decades ago, but the rest of the world has moved on since then...

DD was about 13/14 before she was confident enough to field questions. We went through all the usual questions at home, then went through answers and practised them a bit

DS is 7, and so far very few questions, but he has been upset when he was asked sad We have also been through a few of the likely questions and I've suggested answers. Also talked about privacy and his right to keep his story private

Lilka Wed 30-May-12 18:58:26

sorry - I meant "13/14 before she could field questions confidently" not "confident enough to feild questions"

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 31-May-12 21:15:58

I am getting fed up of the conversation with work colleagues along the lines of "I'm just back from adoption leave". "Oh, I didn't know your son was adopted". "No, he's not, our daughter is." "Oh, so why didn't you just have another one". <deep breath in, deep breath out>

The best I've come up with is "lots of reasons".

I know it's probably unfair to get riled by it, as most people don't think of adoption as something that people do in addition to having a birth child. In fact, most people don't know anything about adoption at all.

Hey ho

Kewcumber Thu 31-May-12 21:30:48

"Oh, so why didn't you just have another one" - the answer to that is "I did, thats why I'm just back from adoption leave" and look slightly puzzled.

Adoptionrulesok Fri 01-Jun-12 13:14:13

lol kew you always have good responses to peoples questions. I have stolen several already smile

HappySunflower Fri 01-Jun-12 19:28:46

I'm new at all this, and some of the comments people make astonish me but I generally don't respond straight away now as I find a few moments to think of a response is time well spent!

The best I've had is: 'Do they let single people adopt then? Wow! That's interesting-I really didn't think they would'.

Kewcumber Fri 01-Jun-12 22:45:28

My favorite response when my mum announced very proudly to a friend that I was adopting "how selfish"...!

Actually I quite like it, it beats "how marvelous you are" or worse "How brave"

Devora Sat 02-Jun-12 00:11:02

'How brave' is a particular bugbear of mine. It masquerades as a compliment, but what it's really saying is: "That child is going to be nothing but trouble, you mark my words".


FamiliesShareGerms Sat 02-Jun-12 22:01:35

Yes, we've been described as "brave"... No, not really, well, not more than any other parent. Greer

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 02-Jun-12 22:02:02

"Grrrr" I mean!

Lilka Sun 03-Jun-12 09:07:37

I've definitely got that one...even on MN once I think!!

Anyone doing anything nice in half term? smile Looking forward to it, or dreading it?

FamiliesShareGerms Sun 03-Jun-12 13:32:10

Bit of both, Lilka. Nice weather = everrything so much easier during half term, not sure if we will get it, though

Adoptionrulesok Sun 03-Jun-12 16:32:03

We are going on our first proper holiday and I am stressing about what to take with us. They are just 3 and just 4 and have both expressed they want to take practically every toy they own. My eldest has said if Woody (toy story) can't come, he will be sad and him and Buzz (lightyear) with cry together at night!!

Please can everyone wish for nice weather for us?!?

Moomoomie Sun 03-Jun-12 16:55:15

Good luck with the holiday. Adoptionrules. I don't want to be a doom merchant, but be prepared for possibly disturbed nights or different behaviour.
I will always remember our first family holiday not only because it was when 9/11 happened but because of dd1 being quite unsettled.

We went to toysrus today. Dd3 bought a huge great soft bunny with her birthday money. She has called him vanilla ice cream cone. He will live very happily with the 306 soft toys she already has . grin

Devora Sun 03-Jun-12 22:50:56

We're not doing anything much. Looking forward to a jubilee party tomorrow with the neighbours. Our elderly next door neighbour today came and hung bunting across the front of my garden fence. It's original stuff he bought for the Coronation! I feel very vintage.

Kewcumber Mon 04-Jun-12 09:59:56

We went to Hampton court on Saturday - garden party. DS loved the Sooty show which also celebrates its 60th anniversay this year. Street party in the pouring rain yesterday and Twickenham fair today then off on hols tomorrow.

HappySunflower Tue 05-Jun-12 21:40:13

We've had a quiet weekend.
We are still in the phase of fairly limited contact with people so as to build positive attachment, but have had lots of fun playing at home and in the garden smile

Maryz Wed 06-Jun-12 11:32:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilka Wed 06-Jun-12 11:48:08

Wow!!! grin grin

Maryz, what fantastic news! It's so lovely hearing that your DS life is really changing for the better. Congratulations to him from me!! And also to you - he couldn't do this without such great parents behind him smile

We have had a quiet weekend. DD is not revising again, but is otherwise behaving well. Actually, as many problems as she still has, I feel she is emotionally making progress all the time smile I am very happy about that. I just worry a lot about her future given her learning difficulties. What is there for someone like her, with next to no qualifications?

DS is just a delight. DD2 is teaching him to knit, and he is enjoying it! He has been doing very well in school with the support of his teacher (who is wonderful). He really loves reading (just like his mum)!

We are planning just a couple of days out later this week. Hopefully the weather will hold up! Hope Devora and family enjoyed the garden party

Devora Wed 06-Jun-12 21:20:49

Maryz, that is wonderful news. Light at the end of the tunnel! Many congratulations to your ds.

Lilka, thankyou, I DID enjoy the garden party - because I didn't go! I was feeling unwell - not hideous, but enough to enjoy luxuriating in bed with my kindle while the rest of the family went next door for fun and games. They had a LOVELY time. I painted union flags on their faces before they went, and they had a great time. dd1 even stayed overnight, in a tent in the neighbour's back garden with their little boy. They had a 'midnight' feast (9pm) and stroked a 'real black panther' (a cat). In the morning I looked out to see them both jumping up and down on the trampoline in their PJs and dressing gowns...

dd2, meanwhile, is suddenly very grown up. She is potty trained, and at pre-school, and learned how to climb out of her cotbed so I have now taken the sides down. Sadly, this has opened a dizzying vista of freedom for her, and getting her to stay in bed is just hell. dp is STILL up there now - 9.15pm, and supper congealing in the pan...

Oh, my favourite Jubilee story: dd1 came home from school with a photocopied picture of 'The Queen's Jubilee Knickers', over which they had all had to make their own design (dd had written 'Queen of England Yay' over the crotch). I laughed and said, "That's a bit rude". "It's VERY rude, Mum", she replied. "When the teacher told us we had to do it we all just stared at her like this shock." "What did your teacher say?" I asked. "She said, 'It's supposed to be fun!'. But we didn't think it was fun. We all stared at her like this [hmmm]"

Love love the idea of 30 solemn and disapproving mini-monarchists all staring down their irreverent teacher grin

Ellalouise2010 Tue 19-Jun-12 22:59:12

Hi I wanted to ask my child is in the process of being adopted not what I wanted for her but as I look at it now it for her safety and I am now In a new relationship is it wise to have another child as I don't want another one been taken away from me I am not the same person as when has my daughter as she was taken from me because her father was violent towards me

Maryz Tue 19-Jun-12 23:03:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber Wed 20-Jun-12 12:39:47

Ellalouise, I know there are other people on MN who have had a child adopted and gone on in different circumstances to have further children with no indication they would be taken into care. Like Maryz I'm not the ideal person to comment, not having been in your position but the only point I would make is that if your child is still in the process of being adopted then it must all be very raw for you and I expect relatively recent and I would be cautious about considering another child whilst you are still processing the grief you must be feeling.

You might get more responses setting up a new thread in adoptions which will attract those who have had children adopted whereas chat threads in adoption tend to be a magnet for adopters. I would like to think that we are an empathetic bunch and will give you the best advice we can but we are all limited by our personal experiences and you might find it more helpful to hear from those who have been in your position.

Moomoomie Thu 21-Jun-12 18:42:20

maryz and kew you are both so eloquent in all your posts and say all the things I would like to say but don't know how.
You have both been very helpful to many.

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