Why am I still mooning over this person?

[Bluewavescrashing]

I've been married for 11 years. Reasonabky happy marriage.

As a teen I was hopelessly in love with someone older than me. I still have dreams about him and think about him. Why can't I shake it off? It's 20 years since I saw him last. He's 14 years older than me.

It's just stupid. Nothing would happen if I bumped into him. He is married too. But my brain is weird where this is concerned.

[timehealsmost]

I had a "daydream" a few weeks ago about someone I had a bit of a kiss with 20 years ago.

I have been married for 11 years too....but I can't stop thinking about this guy....and nothing will happen cos I stalked him on fb and he sadly passed away last year.

so I can't help, but you are not alone!

[Bluewavescrashing]

Glad it's not just me

He was my teacher at secondary school. Was always professional. It seems odd to have obsessional thoughts for 20 years about someone you can never get together with!

I was never inappropriate with him. He won't know how I felt. It's just fantasy really but why can't I let it go?

[AbsolutWitch]

You're not alone, I have this too with a certain person I used to know. I'm in a mostly happy ltr and nothing would happen if we ran into each other.

I think it's just idle daydreaming, no harm done

[Bluewavescrashing]

Sorry @timehealsmost that your crush has passed away. That's so sad

[AbsolutWitch]

Oh similar to mine OP. Not a teacher but someone who was in a position of power. Again, he was never inappropriate but I just really liked him!

[Bluewavescrashing]

I used to stalk him a bit on twitter but since June he's been inactive.

I don't want a dialogue as such, just to observe...? FFS I'm not an actual stalker. I used to check his twitter every month or so just to keep me ticking over 🤫 I take meds which, as a side effect produce extremely lucid and involved dreams which are beyond my control but seem to linger on my mind.

[Odile13]

I think it might be because the intensity of the feeling stays with you, particularly from when you were young and inexperienced. Your mind still has those memories stored away and brings them out from time to time. Our history remains part of us even as we grow and change.

[timehealsmost]

Thank you @Bluewavescrashing. it is sad.

does anyone "stalk" their crush on sm?

[Bluewavescrashing]

I feel a bit more normal now! ☺️

[Bluewavescrashing]

Whilst being teacher he also gave me 1:1 lessons after school as I took an extra subject at gcse. I was revoltingly unattractive as a teen. He was 30 and gorgeous. He also ran extracurricular outdoor camping weekends which I signed up for. I'm a bit obsessed and it's not good for me!

[timehealsmost]

I am obsessed too..I will confess I went to an online spiritualist chuch on Sunday. to see if I would get a message. oh dear.

[Bluewavescrashing]

Just to be clear...

The thought of a 30 year old teacher having relations with a 16 year old is repugnant to me except when it's me and him in the scenario. I'm not condoning a breach of trust or inappropriate contact whatsoever. I'm just still a bit in love with him, always will be and feel the urge to tell him, but never would.

[FelicityFlamingo]

Just be careful it doesn't tip into stalking territory - these sort of threads attract others in the same boat and it then becomes a hotbed of encouragement. You're married, he's married and while having a harmless little crush that you can hug to yourself is pretty harmless, talking about obsessions and having to keep tabs on his social media to 'keep you going' isn't.

It's not healthy and it's a bit creepy if we turn it on it's head - imagine this is a man posting this.