Do you have tips for getting over heartbreak?

[sobloodysaddd]

Because I'm going through it so hard and can't shift the shitty feeling of despair! I've done all the recommended things like deleting old conversations instead of re-reading them over and over, exercising, eating healthy, unfollowing on social media, having a good cry.. and also doing not recommended things like sinking 2 bottles of wine in one sitting then joining tinder and swiping right on every single person before waking up full of regret the next day and deleting the app

And nothing works. It's been a month and I've spent most of today crying and frantically thinking of things I could say or ways to get him to want me back. I know he doesn't want me though so I haven't spoken to him and am actually really proud of my drunken self for not sending him pleading messages.

All made worse by the fact he appears to have moved on and I feel so left behind, why was I so easy to get over? We had so many plans together, we were going to get married and go places and it all just seems forgotten in an instant. It feels like I was just holding him back because now he's out there living his best life and I'm sat crying into my weetabix every day.

So, do you have any tips for a sad lonely spinster like me because right now I feel fucking awful and like my chances at love are gone

[sobloodysaddd]

Actually just writing it down and getting it out my system feels like it's helped a bit, maybe I should start keeping a diary of my woes

[sobloodysaddd]

Will take that as a no, should maybe start researching changing my name to Havisham and cat breeds now

[User56770987]

No tips but have some
Keep busy I guess but I realise that's probably not that helpful.

[sobloodysaddd]

thanks @User56770987, I have been trying to keep my mind occupied but with current restrictions there's too much time for me to wallow! Just waiting for the day I realise I've not thought about it for a while but it's taking a long time to come

[Emancipated]

It will come. Just keep working on you. Think about all the things you want to do and achieve now you can.
Enjoy the little things. Every day you get through is a day closer to feeling better, every day you are healing.

[GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat]

It's hideous!

I found writing down all his bad points helped - I didn't realise there were so many until I saw them all in black and white

It helped me face up that the relationship wasn't perfect and got some of the swirling thoughts out of my head when distraction wasn't working.

I tucked it away in a drawer and referred to it sparingly in my lowest moments.

[Antimacassar]

I took to running seriously. A friend got into boxing.

[Chocolateteabag]

One thing which helped me get over a breakup was to sit and daydream what could have happened.

Bear with me!

Go through the engagement, wedding etc then get to the day after day. Start to focus on the little annoying habits, the slightly boring hobbies, the shitty bits.

Basically take the "perfect future" you were going to have and start to make it less and less shiny and perfect

After a while I got bored of imagining what our life could have been like because I'd played through all the scenarios to boring or rubbish ends

Then get into some good comedy series - I recommend Younger on Sky

[ladybirdsarelovely33]

Go on some dates. This will take your mind off him. Focus on other guys. Well that helped me anyways when I was in your situation

[BashfulClam]

It took me two years to move on from my last heartbreak. I was not given any closure or a reason why. We worked for the same company so I had to see him everyday and everyone knew we’d broken up. I left the company, it relocated hundreds of miles away a few years later. I forgave him in my mind and wrote a text forgiving him and sent it a year later. It helped and I have a great DH now.

[TuMeke]

I know this sounds like an absolute truism, but honestly, time is a great healer. You have only been dealing with these awful feelings for a short time so far, so it’s no surprise that it’s all still so raw and strong. But it genuinely will get less and less strong as more time goes past. Imagine yourself in three months - you’ll be laughing again at things and forgetting about the heartache from time to time; in six months’ time - you’ll have sad patches but also long periods when you won’t think about him at all; in a year’s time - you’ll be over it and moved on by then. So it helped me to think about how the things you feel in this moment won’t be the way you feel forever. Just keep taking things day by day, recognise your progress and pat yourself on the back, and keep looking for things to do that will make you feel better and be healthy. Long walks in nature, running, meditation, dance class - whatever makes you feel good!

[sobloodysaddd]

Thank you for the advice, some things I'd never thought of trying before like imagining what our future would have actually been like! I'm certainly guilty just now of looking back through rose-tinted glasses and only seeing the good when there was plenty not so good too - I really don't miss his complete lack of cleanliness now I think about it!

@TuMeke you're right, this is the advice I always give friends when they're going through things that time is the best healer so should really start living by it. I just want time to speed up though so I can feel better!

[Antimacassar]

The thing is, OP, that time will heal things all by itself, so just think what would make you feel best right now this minute, and do it, and let the medium and long term take care of itself.