SIL overstepping the mark

[fortifiedwithtea]

SIL Have not always had the best relationship but over the years we have learned to rub along together. DH has always taken her side. I have accepted he puts her and her opinions before me.

DD2 has learning disabilities and very brittle mental health , she has bi polar and was sectioned in 2017. She is in year 13 and attends a special needs school. She has PIP at the highest rate for mobility and care. We have a car under the mobility scheme.

There is no way she could learn to drive! She wouldn’t pass the theory test for one thing. Mentally she is not strong to sit exams. School realise that.

SIL and her new husband think the world of her but don’t see the difficulties she has. They keep suggesting jobs she is not capable of doing.

Now DH has bounced into the room announcing that SIL is planning to apply for a provisional license for her. Using the excuse that it could be used for ID , if not for driving. But I know the real reason is they want her to learn to drive. They have been repeatedly suggesting it to her recently. DD does not want to drive. She feels pressured and is fed up with the constant texts she is getting from her aunt. She texts DD when she is at school.

If she has a provisional driving license is there a presumption that she shouldn’t have a bus pass? Currently she doesn’t have a bus pass because she wouldn’t be safe to use a bus on her without getting lost. She goes to school by school transport door or door. During the week I take her to after school activities by taxi because I have epilepsy so I too am unable to drive.

Could having a provisional license affect her PIP benefits?

Need to have a conversation with SIL to stop interfering. Not looking forward to that because DH will not back me up. Yes we have a shit marriage but that is a whole story in itself.

[VettiyaIruken]

They aren't respecting her views. It's her life and her choice!

Let's say your sil does apply for one for her. You are required to disclose a range of conditions. She'll need to be assessed.
DVLA will require info from the gp and they will decide if she is permitted to drive. From what you've said, it's unlikely she'd be issued a licence.

Failing to disclose listed disabilities and conditions is actually an offence with a £1000 fine. Plus if you get into an accident and it's discovered you didn't disclose, that's going to end very badly!

[SmellsLikeFeet]

Why is your SIL getting so involved? Tell her to back off as it's upsetting your child

[RandomMess]

Is it worth going to couples counselling to discuss the SIL issue - that she is over involved, she is pressuring DD and your H needs to tell her to back the fuck off??

[MoonSauce]

She is well overstepping the Mark here. Your child, not hers. And something needs to be said to sil about how dd feels about being bothered so much.

She would need doctors assessments etc for a provisional I believe. That would be another stress for dd on top.

And you know that once it arrives, IF it arrives, the next transgression will be “oh I’ve booked some lessons for dd...”

[fortifiedwithtea]

@VettiyaIruken thank you your comment prompted me to search the government website. On their list of conditions that need referral to DVLA dd ticks 8 boxes.

SIL will not be able to apply without help from DH because she would need a passport photo and DD passport. Feel reassured that this can not happen behind my back.

@SmellsLikeFeet I know SIL has always been Bossy big sister. Despite her faults she does love DD. If DD can tell her its upsetting her I think she would back off. If it comes from me we will be back to years of hostilities again.

[Onlyonewayout]

I’m be fuming with my dh that he’s taking his sister’s opinion over the opinion his wife and mother of said child. I have two children with disabilities. One who could drive if they wanted to, the other I don’t think will ever be able to drive. Your SIL has no right butting in.

[BlankTimes]

DH has bounced into the room announcing that SIL is planning to apply for a provisional license for her. Using the excuse that it could be used for ID , if not for driving. But I know the real reason is they want her to learn to drive. They have been repeatedly suggesting it to her recently. DD does not want to drive. She feels pressured and is fed up with the constant texts she is getting from her aunt. She texts DD when she is at school

That is an utterly appalling way to treat a disabled person.

They all need to be told to back off and stop piling the pressure on your DD to do what THEY want, when she doesn't want to.

It's controlling and abusive.

Is there anyone at DD's school who can back you up about the distress that SIL's texts are causing DD?

Your poor daughter, do nip this in the bud now, they all need to back off, what's in your DD's best interests with regard to having a provisional driving licence is NOT their decision to make.

[EL8888]

She’s way out of order, what has it got to do with her?Your husband also needs to sort his priorities out.

[burglarbettybaby]

It's not her place to do this. She needs to back off. This is very wrong.