Need a handhold, emotional wreck *Trigger Warning*

[SimplySteveRedux]

So, it's the time of year I was sexually assaulted 28 years ago and I just can't cope. Nobody in my life knows the extent of what happened, and the same with systematic physical and emotional abuse throughout my childhood. I get the feeling they really don't want to know, even though I've been purposefully obtuse and somewhat disingenuous. I'm NC with my parents and an hour ago let my abusive know exactly what I think of him. So there's me, DP of 22 years, DS (lives abroad) and DD. Both children are adults.

I self-harmed last night. The first time in three years. I was spiralling out of control and it just took me right back to the moments in my childhood where I'd just freeze. I'm even crying, something I never do I'm emotionally numb, experience zero pleasure from anything, and I purposely avoid trying to better myself in any way simply because the fear of failure terrifies the crap out of me.

Have been taking my meds as usual for PTSD, CPTSD, GAD, anxiety and major depression. I'm not thinking of suicide, I'm too much of a coward anyway.

I just needed to spill.

[SeaWitchly]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way Simply... I couldn't just read and not comment. I wonder if you have ever been able to speak to a counsellor or psychotherapist about your sexual assault and subsequent post-traumatic stress? You sound very low, please do reach out for help in whichever way you can. We are here for you too.

[DoTheNextRightThing]

How awful, OP. Please remember that you are a strong person who survived a trauma and who will continue to survive. That you have a partner and children who love you. That what that person did to you was not your fault, and that it does not lower your worth. You are a beautiful person who deserves a beautiful life. Karma will catch up with your abuser one day. But for now, they don’t deserve to occupy even the smallest portion of your thoughts. They are scum, and you are wonderful.

[CormoranStrike]

I’m sorry today brings so many miserable memories back.

Is your DH aware?

[SimplySteveRedux]

@CormoranStrike

I’m sorry today brings so many miserable memories back.

Is your DH aware?

She knows I was sexually assaulted, she has no idea of the details.

[CormoranStrike]

Do you think you would feel better if you told her all?

Remember Samaritans is also there if you need to talk.

[chinam]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Do you think you could talk about it with your partner? Alternatively, are there any support groups you use that you could reach out to?

[Thelnebriati]

Can you get any support from the crisis team?

Ask your GP if EMDR therapy is available in your area.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/treatment/

[SimplySteveRedux]

Interesting that someone managed to identify me, where I live, and refer me to the social care team.

Whoever you are, thank you.