I feel so alone. Hand hold please.

[dontthinktheresasolution]

Just that really.

I have two wonderful DC.

I suffer badly with anxiety around the fear that something could happen to either or both of them. It can be quite debilitating.

I desperately want to be one of those sunny people who get on with enjoying their lives in the here and now.

I feel much better with other adults around. I am grateful for those I do have in my life, I know plenty have no one, but just now I feel so alone. I've got sisters and we talk but they have busy lives and married, jobs, dc etc. So I feel like a bit of an imposition.
I've got an aunt whom I like but we are not close. My mother has been dead a long time and although my father absolutely would and has been there for me, he is quite a difficult character and we are not close.
I've one close friend so that's good but she has serious issues of her own and we respect we can't always be around for each other. Also we only see each other yearly cause she lives abroad now.

I stay in an unsuitable 'relationship' I think because of this wanting someone 'around'. He insists he loves me but we barely see each other at his choice. I feel like I wait around for crumbs then feel bad about myself for it. I'm not interested in another relationship, been badly burned before.

I take ADs for my anxiety, been in counselling for ages, and I drink too much cause of anxiety and boredom although I've cut right down recently to weekends cause it crept up and I was sick of hangovers and don't want to set a bad example. Still at double the guidelines though.

Sorry that turned out really long. Just really feeling it tonight and I don't think there's a solution to feeling like I need another adult around and there's no one who's my 'main person'.

[katy1213]

Hanging around for crumbs from someone who can't be bothered must be making you feel a whole lot worse and lowering your self-esteem. Ditch him.You'll find that it's empowering and will give you the mental energy to tackle something else.

[dontthinktheresasolution]

I know I should. He always promises that he'll make more effort but never does, and I get sucked back in, because for that small time, out of boredom and someone being with me and the physical closeness it's like a drug or something. But then I feel like shit because I know that other people have actual real relationships. He phones and texts a lot but I only see him like twice a month.

It was better when I was working because then I was busy. I can't work just now though due to health my dc even have to do some stuff like hoovering for me. I maybe getting an operation so hopefully that will resolve things so I can work again. I lack confidence there though as well so needs to be something low pressure.