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Hurt by DD6 comment

(30 Posts)
Wagamumma Wed 29-Jul-20 22:05:25

Playing in the garden with DD6 and DS3 today and asked what they would like to do later in the day; beach or tootle about on their bikes.DD looked a bit down and said she didn't want to do anything.

Left it a bit and asked again and said to her (playfully) 'come on DD, if mummy could do anything to cheer you up, what would it be?' She looked at me and said quietly "you could
kill yourself" I was speechless and she knew she had gone too far and tried to laugh over it.

I'm so upset by this. I have no idea where she has heard this kind of chat from, we don't know anyone who has committed suicide so it's not something we talk about at home, for example.

I lost my Dad 18 months ago and I asked her if she remembered how sad I was to lose a parent and I told her that I would hate that to happen to her so young.

She apologised (kind of) and when DH came home he spoke to her about it and she was all upset and said she didn't mean it 'like that'. I want to talk to her about it as A) it was such a strong reaction to me asking her something and B) want her to understand the seriousness of what she said but without getting into the horror of suicide, if that makes sense.

Any ideas how to broach this? Thank you for reading x

OP’s posts: |
AnnaSW1 Wed 29-Jul-20 22:08:44

I think I'd leave it. She's 6

avocadoze Wed 29-Jul-20 22:10:07

It’s an unpleasant thing to say, but you need to view it as silliness from a 6yo, as she won’t know the connotations of what she’s saying.

MsEllany Wed 29-Jul-20 22:10:55

That is an incredibly odd thing to say for a child her age. Does she have access to a phone or tablet? I’d worry she’s watching stuff that’s unsuitable as clearly it’s not come from her.

Whatthebloodyell Wed 29-Jul-20 22:13:11

I’d leave it. She apologised. Tomorrow is a new day. 6 year olds say stupid stuff. Mine told me he had the worst day ever because I wouldn’t read him another story tonight.

Wagamumma Wed 29-Jul-20 22:15:23

Thank you for replies and I know, she is 6 and perhaps thought it was a funny thing to say.

But am also concerned where that has come from? She has a kindle that is all Netflix and bbc kids and is time limited. She does have older cousins so may have heard from them.
You are right though, I'm not going to go on at her x

OP’s posts: |
AnneLovesGilbert Wed 29-Jul-20 22:18:20

Oh OP, no advice but that’s so upsetting flowers

CherryPavlova Wed 29-Jul-20 22:20:23

I’d leave it be.

Magicbabywaves Wed 29-Jul-20 22:22:41

She’ll have worked out from your reaction that it wasn’t something you say to people. She won’t have meant anything by it.

eatsleepread Wed 29-Jul-20 22:31:04

Honestly OP, she won't have meant a thing by it. She's much too young to understand the implications of what she said. I can only imagine your shock though! grin I wouldn't worry about it brewdaffodilthankscake

Wagamumma Wed 29-Jul-20 22:38:32

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply x

OP’s posts: |
GroggyLegs Wed 29-Jul-20 22:46:15

My 4yo told me he wanted me to get run over last week when I asked him to sit still so I could clip him in his car seat because I was standing in the road.
Kids can be dark.

She might have heard something from the older kids at school, or her friends with older siblings. You've made it clear that she's crossed a boundary so I'd leave it at that.

saraclara Wed 29-Jul-20 22:50:30

You're over-thinking it. She was just a six year old being silly. She's probably quite freaked out by your reaction, and then having to go through it all again when your DH came home. Just leave it.

hotstepper4 Wed 29-Jul-20 23:04:10

My 7 year old stepson casually told me he'd like to stab me in the face last week.

Mostly he's lovely, he just says these random weird things occasionally. I take away his screen time for it. Kids can be horrible

RiaOverTheRainbow Wed 29-Jul-20 23:06:41

I remember being about 6 and yelling at my dm that I wished she was dead. I had no real understanding of death, it was hyperbole like "I never want to see you again" or "you're the worst mum in the world." All it really means is "I'm angry and I'm still learning how to express strong feelings" - it's not at all the same as if an adult had said it. Still not nice to hear of course x

Illdealwithitinaminute Wed 29-Jul-20 23:11:54

It's not a nice thing for her to have said, but I think you need to stop going on about it, she's six, she slipped up, she said a silly thing, you can't expect her to be sorry sorry sorry for hours. We found a diary of my dd's when she was about 6 or 7 and it was full of hatred for something I had done, and we can't even remember what it was! It was probably something very trivial.

Let this go now, don't go on about it otherwise it's stirring up unpleasantness beyond what actually happened, which was a kid saying a silly remark they didn't even mean.

Goingdownto Wed 29-Jul-20 23:16:22

It does sound a bit like a phrase copied from something - have a look through her history at what she has watched on YouTube!

SauvignonBlanketyBlank Wed 29-Jul-20 23:26:14

Ds 6 calmly told me that he thought dh was a better parent.I was devastated and cried a lot.They say fucked up things sometimes I wouldn't worry too much.Ds had never said anything like this before and he hasn't said it again.

Immigrantsong Wed 29-Jul-20 23:31:16

I don't agree with leaving it. She is 6 and at that age she can understand how what we say impacts on others. This could be a platform to improve emotional intelligence and social skills. Is there anything else that worries you about her behaviour? Keep an eye on things and keep talking.

TDMN Wed 29-Jul-20 23:36:15

Going to go against the grain here - the fact she seemed a bit down and then said it really quietly (not in a heat of the moment thing) makes me pause a bit - maybe she's stumbled across something on youtube/TV that she's had a bit of a funny feeling from and this is her way of processing? Or she's heard a friend talk about something? Just a hunch.
I would probably go and give her a big cuddle, tell her you love her and maybe try to casually ask where she heard that word?

Illdealwithitinaminute Wed 29-Jul-20 23:38:39

They haven't left it, the OP talked about how sad she was when her mum died and the husband then talked about it when they got home. I really think that's enough, although of course keeping your eye out for where things are coming from is a good idea. But stuff about murder, death and killing yourself unfortunately is in the papers for starters, if she can read, then it becomes very very hard to hide everything from bright 6 year olds.

DesperatelyseekingLucy Wed 29-Jul-20 23:38:59

Wow, I can see why you’re upset. For me it depends what she’s normally like. If your relationship is good and she’s not been distressed about anything then this is an aberration and I’d be inclined to gloss over it. You’ve had a word and so has your DH. Six year olds don’t necessarily have the emotional wherewithal to understand the impact of what they say. On the other hand if she is withdrawn or detached or there are otherwise signs I’d be more worried. But nothing you’ve said puts it in that category.

Happymum12345 Wed 29-Jul-20 23:46:01

Children do come out with all sorts of strange & awful things. I’ve heard lots of odd things over the years of teaching & parenting. You’ve dealt with it well & I would leave it at that for now.

MummytoCSJH Wed 29-Jul-20 23:50:26

I think this was a really strange thing to say actually given you haven't had anything like that happen to anyone you know or ever spoken about that. Sure, people do it, it's known about but at 6? It is not the same as saying you would hurt someone or wish they would leave you alone forever and even then.. just for you asking what would make her happy? I don't know, just makes me feel weird.

Not sure if influencing my judgement in some way as I seem to be going against the grain entirely here but for full clarity my Dad actually did complete suicide when I was 6.

BumbleBeee69 Wed 29-Jul-20 23:55:57

I don't agree with leaving it. She is 6 and at that age she can understand how what we say impacts on others. This could be a platform to improve emotional intelligence and social skills. Is there anything else that worries you about her behaviour? Keep an eye on things and keep talking.

I agree with this ... flowers

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