This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Does anyone else have friends like this?(6 Posts)
I’m not sure if it’s me but I constantly feel like in a couple of friendships I’m always the one to push meeting up and maintaining a friendship. I know I’m quite an organised person and suggest putting dates in the diary but now I’m wondering if these “friends” actually don’t want to meet up at all.
Friend 1 - I now haven’t seen for a couple of years but we were once very close. She’s forever commenting on my social media with messages like “oh it’s been so long, we must meet up!” But then when we text and I ask to see her she’s always got an excuse.
We live quite close and her town is where I’d go out shopping so I’ve suggested a couple of times meeting up on a Saturday morning but there’s always an excuse. Then she’ll say “give me some dates next month and we’ll arrange something”. Last time I did that she never even replied but still acts like we’re besties on social media
Friend 2 - we used to work together and were extremely close. I was also very good friends with her partner. She’s just super flaky as well, always too busy to meet up. Then last week I said “shall we have a FaceTime catch up” so we agreed to do it on the Friday (she offered dates and times). Then when I text on Friday afternoon she didn’t reply for ages and then said she’d just finished some gardening. I said “oh that’s fine, I’ve just gone for a walk so free to chat whenever or we can do another time”. And then never heard from her again. She lives at home with her parents and has no children.
I do have a close group of friends who I meet up with every couple of weeks so it’s not like I’ve got no friends. It’s just annoying that other people who I’d have classed as friends appear to have no interest in maintaining a relationship. It’s not just these examples either but various other people I find I’m the only one to maintain contact with. I want to keep in contact with them but perhaps it’s easier to just let it go
Don’t bother with them anymore. Stop trying to arrange meet ups, stop replying to their fb messages on your post, you can even set up groups and not include them so they don’t see everything if unfriending is too much for you
They don’t value you how you value them OP. Next time friend A gushes on fb just respond “yes we need to meet up...but you don’t give me dates”.....
Otherwise cut your losses on these two
They do sound like they are paying lip service to your history and aren't living the truth which is that you've drifted apart and your friendship is no longer important to them. It is sad when that happens, but annoying because they are leading you on as it were.
Actions speak louder than words for me so I would be dialling them right down my list of things to pay attention to and fully expecting them to fade away... If it's a wake up call for them to realise they haven't heard from you and get in touch that would be a nice surprise, but I'd put money on them not doing.
Glad you have other friendships though cos it is a sad loss when someone who once mattered a lot stops doing so.
some people prefer the idea of friendship over actual friendship.
Some people don't want to be your friend anymore but not so much that they would actually end it.
Some people like to appear popular on social media but don't actually meet up with people often.
Some people have social anxiety.
Some people are scatty and can't get it together enough to meet up.
Some people get into the mindset that you're the organiser so they won't bother.
Some need to be lead around by the hand and have everything sorted out for them.
Could be any of the above really. It's up to you decide if you can be bothered.
I've always had friendships like this. None of my friends have ever put me first. I don't have them anymore. I've been let down too many times. I've discovered it's easy to live without friends
Please login first.