Please help - no pleasure during orgasm

[onemorethrowaway]

I’m sorry to post this in chat, as I know it’s not the appropriate forum. However, I created a throwaway account for this question and then discovered that you’re not allowed to post in the sex forum unless you’ve been registered for ninety days. I’m too embarrassed to use my regular account for this, and this is a problem I really want help with now, so I’m posting the thread here. If it gets deleted, I understand – I’ll wait the ninety days to post it again.

I’m thirty-four, and for ten years now, I have not felt any pleasure during orgasm. I feel pleasure during sexual stimulation and can feel myself building towards an orgasm. However, the moment I start to climax, all pleasure disappears. My body reacts as though I’m having an orgasm – I shake and move forward – but I feel absolutely no pleasure during it. It used to be that when I climaxed, the “thinking” part of my brain shut down and I felt nothing but pleasure. Now, the “thinking” part of my brain remains alert during orgasm but there’s no sensation.

This started about a year after I weaned off Citalopram/Celexa, an SSRI antidepressant. I’ve looked online and have found that other people have experienced this problem and it’s called sexual anhedonia. Many of them say it started during or after taking SSRIs. What I find really disheartening is that there doesn’t seem to be any cure. This is based on both anecdotes on forums and medical journal articles I’ve read. It seems to be a very rare condition and there isn’t much research on it.

My psychiatrists seem to have no idea how to treat it. She’s told me to relax more during sex, but that’s not the problem – I do enjoy the build-up, it’s just that there’s no sensation during climax. Three weeks ago, she prescribed me Wellbutrin. I’m going to take it for a few months to see if it makes any difference, but from what I’ve read online I’m not hopeful.

This problem has had a massive effect on my relationship and sex life. I’m with the same partner I was with back when this started, and we do have sex, but I’m really only doing it for him. Yes, I do feel sensation during stimulation – but frankly, when you know something’s just going to end with intense disappointment, it’s hard to get enthusiastic about it.

Mostly I’ve just accepted that I’m unlikely to ever enjoy an orgasm again and got on with things. Over the past year, however, I’ve started to feel more and more frustrated, as it’s occurred to me that this has lasted for most of my adult life. I’m angry that I’ve found research online on post-SSRI sexual dysfunction dating back to the nineties, yet when I was prescribed Citalopram in 2008 the GP didn’t warn me of any sexual side effects.

I’m just feeling desperate now that I’ve reached the ten-year mark. Given how many women post on MN, I was wondering if anyone has any experience of this and if there’s anything – medication, exercises, whatever – that worked for them. Thank you.

[onemorethrowaway]

bump

[Friendsofmine]

Hi OP.
I recommend you ask your GP to refer to the clinical health psychological therapies service attached to gynae as they will treat the psychological side of this.

A very distressing problem and both meds and therapy might help.

[ShellsAndSunrises]

You don't need a throwaway here - namechange on your usual account and you'll be able to post in sex without anyone but MNHQ knowing that it's you

But I'd agree with FriendsOfMine, go to the GP once this is all over and get a referral. They'll be best placed to help.

[onemorethrowaway]

Thank you both for your replies. My GP has already referred me to a consultant psychiatrist, but I could ask if there's a gynaecology psychology service she can refer me to. Unfortunately it's going to be several months before that's possible, given the current situation with COVID-19.

[NcedForThis]

OP, i know how you feel, for different reasons (not SSRI related) I was v similar to you and it’s a really distressing and to me, felt incredibly sad that I couldn’t enjoy it. Like you say, it felt like no point enjoying the build up when there was nothing but disappointment at the end!


Forgive me if you have but have you tried masturbation?

I hit a turning point when I explored my own body (using vibrators, a dildo and frankly, my hands) on my own without DP and learnt how to make it more pleasurable and enjoy the build up as much as how much I would’ve enjoyed the actual orgasm. It took a lot of time (probably a year) to really enjoy sex and I have actually orgasmed a few times, certainly not every time but a few!

Maybe worth a try?

[onemorethrowaway]

Thank you for your reply, @NcedforThis. Unfortunately the problem is the same with every kind of stimulation - masturbation, PIV, oral, all of it. I'm glad to hear that the situation has improved somewhat for you, though.

[Friendsofmine]

Yes psychiatry will cover the medical pharmacological aspects so you need the clinical health psychology team for the other bit.

Good luck.

[Readyforapummelling]

OP, I'm currently taking Citalopram and I'm experiencing something similar.

I can still feel pleasure but it's toned down massively. Usually when I've orgasmed I'm too sensitive to let DP carry on, whereas now he can carry on during and I'm not getting that urge to make him stop.

Plus not to mention the fact that Citalopram has completely killed my libido, I used to be quite a sexual creature whereas now I have to really concentrate to get in the mood. I could go months without having sex if left to my own devices but this would be detrimental to our relationship, so I feel I have to make the effort.

Takes a lot to get me "ready" too.

Desert minge is an understatement.

[Readyforapummelling]

Sorry - would also like to add smutty books have helped my libido a bit too.

I find the more turned on I am, the better all round including the muffled orgasm.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

So sorry to sound thick. , but How can you have an orgasm without pleasure.

[TestBank]

I haven't experienced this but I have had similar issues with other conditions. My thyroid was underactive and I lost sensation. Very high dose vit b complex has been very helpful. It's expensive but I highly recommend thorne basic b complex.
Have you also tried using a bullet vibe with a lot of power, like a we vibe tango?

[TammySwansonTwo]

OP, I have a different medication-induced sexual problem (a drug I was on 10 years ago has left me with a complete absence of libido to the point where I can’t stand to be touched at all, then I get periods of a week maybe once or twice a year where it just switches back on, then just as quickly it switches off again. These changes always seem to relate to hormonal changes, and always occur mid cycle around ovulation.

GPs have run cursory blood tests and then dismissed it - there couldn’t be less interest. There’s zero research into the longterm effects of this drug on women’s sexual health. Nobody cares. If I’d known I’d end up as I am I would have refused it.

I wish I could tell you the answer, even the answer to getting a doctor to take it seriously. It’s great that they’ve referred you, but I suspect in your case as in mine there’s a physical issue following treatment for which there’s very little information.

Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Wish I could help more.

[KK888]

Hi OP. Sounds like you have PSSD. A condition that is surprisingly common after taking SSRIS (I have it too and have done for 12 years). Please google PSSD forum and join us (pssd forum dot org). You can message me on there and I'd be happy to share my experience and the knowledge about treatments that I've learnt over the years.

[KK888]

Also just to add that although the messages to see your GP are well-meaning, unfortunately GPs do not recognise this condition despite numerous medical studies showing the permanent effects SSRIs can have...