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Feeling so very alone today

(37 Posts)
Imnotokaytoday Tue 22-Oct-19 16:05:45

I feel like I have no-one.

I pretty much have my Mum and my husband. And my child. That's it.

I feel like I have no-one to talk to. Alone. Lonely.

My good friend and I fell out a few months back. Massively and haven't spoken since. I grew the courage to message her, and rightly so, she has moved on with her life and agrees we outgrew our friendship. That it had become toxic for us both. I totally agree.

But it has left me feeling 100000% shit.

I understand what my Mum calls "life stage friends" but fuck. It hurts. I look around and genuinely feel like I have no friends.

People I work with. Schoolyard parents. Associates who share funny pictures on facebook or whatsapp.

No actual friends. And it's shit.

Imnotokaytoday Wed 23-Oct-19 10:38:22

I know the world isn't always what it seems with all the instafilters and rose tinted glasses..

Someone asked yesterday would i mind seeing their LO into school for them because they needed to dash to a meeting. That made me feel proud. Made me feel like I meant something to someone enough to be in charge of their child.

And an old uni friend, with whom i talk once in a while - we reconnected a few weeks back - messaged me to share news that she is expecting. That made me happy. To feel I was thought of and wanted.

I guess things are hard to see sometimes when you head is so bogged down.

I like walks. Sadly, I am rarely alone to be able to enjoy them.

Always responsible to or for someone.

I adore my son but crave quiet and alone since he came along and turned my world upside down.

He and my husband bought me flowers yesterday. They bought be roses a week ago too en route home.

Horsemad Wed 23-Oct-19 10:53:48

Aah, that's lovely that someone trusted you to see their DC into school. 🙂

And your friend telling you she's expecting - as you say, someone thought enough of you to tell you her news.

Maybe try asking some of the schoolgate people that you like if they fancy a coffee or a playdate for the DC where you can have coffee & a chat?

I met my best mate when our youngest started school together, she is truly brilliant & we've known each other 16 years now! 🙂

Imnotokaytoday Wed 23-Oct-19 10:55:28

The only person at school I would class as a friend - she has just messaged me to check in as I said I had had a shit day yesterday.

Perhaps the world isn't as gloomy today.

Fleetheart Wed 23-Oct-19 11:02:10

Sometimes it is always about the way we perceive things than about reality. It sounds like the Ex friend thing has been very wounding and this has shaken you to your core. It’s allowed all these feelings of self doubt to creep in.

Keep going with the school mums, keep going with the groups things. Accept all invitations and maybe extend a few. When I am feeling like you, I find that if I arrange things people often come!! I know about myself that actually I do quite like being alone a lot of the time and although I sometimes crave closeness, in reality I can find too much sociability quite claustrophobic.

FranneKipankinstein Wed 23-Oct-19 11:07:21

That is nice that they asked you as it shows they trust you. It was also lovely of your friend to share the good news.
Getting flowers from your husband and child was a lovely thought.

Have you been to your GP ? They might have a service attached to the practice.
Can you go for a walk after you have dropped your child at school ? I imagine you would be alone then .
Do you work ...full time , part time ?

Imnotokaytoday Wed 23-Oct-19 11:24:36

I work fulltime - well - 4 days a week. I drop my son off then dash to work 4 days a week.

FranneKipankinstein Wed 23-Oct-19 12:30:08

Walk on your day off. I know you will have lots to do BUT you need to prioritise yourself sometimes .

Someone I know said that just sitting and slow breathing mindful exercise was the thing that worked for them

Imnotokaytoday Wed 23-Oct-19 13:38:18

I am actually looking forward to walking to school with my son on Friday morning. Walking through the leaves. See if we can get a few of the last conkers. Then walk back, no music, no phone... just watch the world.

OrangeTwirlGate Wed 23-Oct-19 14:01:36

Hi, I’ve just read your post.

How are you feeling now? A bit better I hope?
I don’t think you will always feel like this so hold on in there.

I can relate to how you’re feeling as I’d say over the last few years I find myself going through phases where I feel really down about being lonely.
I think social media is really bad for making us feel this way as it’s a bit like a ‘who has the best life’ competition.
I definitely don’t have a bad life. I have my OH and my kids. My parents are close by.
I have many ‘friends’ (ie those I can have a quick chat to in the street or over Facebook)
But I don’t have a best friend, or very close friends for that matter.
So I think it’s any situation where you might speak to a close friend or see others enjoying a close friendship when you realise you’re ‘lonely’ and your mind takes over making it worse.
But I’m slowly learning to not allow it to bother me and that things change all the time.

Anyway, I’m crap with words or advice.
I just wanted to check on you and let you know you’re not alone x

Lamentations Wed 23-Oct-19 14:11:39

nearly has an opinion that you may not agree with but she was not kicking you when you are down, she was (I think) trying to get you to see what you have rather than what you don't.

Jumping down other people's throats and being over sensitive can be an obstacle to making friends.

That said you are quite right that it is important to have people to talk to and I'm sorry that you are feeling alone. The old saying about being a good friend if you want good friends is accurate. I know what you mean about the uncomfortable, awkward early stages of making friends but I'm not sure there's a way around that.

Imnotokaytoday Wed 23-Oct-19 14:17:27

I am feeling improved since yesterday thank you @OrangeTwirlGate

I suppose we live in a world where we don't have best friends like we did when we were younger and people didnt have SM or move about so much.

I've reflected a bit based on @nearlynermal 's post and y'know, in the clear light of another day, I agree @Lamentations that the intention wasn't thr shitty one I saw it for in my upset mind last night.

I have a husband, son, parents. And yes, even if my circle is small, at least I have one.

I spent time on the phone to my MUm last night sobbing about what is going on at the moment and again, reflecting, some people don't have that. My own Mum doesn't have her Mum anymore.

I;m sorry for being a grumpy fuck up post. I hope you guys can see I have reflected on some things above and realised things aren't as dire as they could be. And to focus on the Haves not the Havenots

So what a friendship has gone or drifted... i have my parents and husband and the opportunity to make new friends.

FranneKipankinstein Wed 23-Oct-19 14:41:27

When I was out for a walk yesterday I saw a brother and sister walking home from school kicking up piles of leaves and having fun .
You mentioning doing that with your son reminded me of the joy they were having.

Small things.

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