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My house isn’t a ‘real’ house and my toilet isn’t a ‘proper’ toilet !

(114 Posts)
ChocoIateandTea Sat 19-Oct-19 08:54:58

According to my DM ......

I have a council house and a secure lifetime tenancy, according to her this still isn’t a ‘real’ house not like dsis flat as she has a mortgage .......

Dsis has 2 REAL PLUMBED in toilets and my second one is a macerator so it’s not a proper toilet

And best of all my dh who works full time ........ his job ‘isn’t as good or important’ as bil job because .....
Bil wears a suit to work 🤣🤣🤣

I give up I don’t know whether to laugh or cry

Indella Sat 19-Oct-19 20:44:47

Tell her I work with a consultant surgeon, earning over £100k a year, that wears a tracksuit to bike to work where he then changes into scrubs. Does he not have a real job either?

bloodywhitecat Sat 19-Oct-19 20:42:12

My mother held similar views, I was not fit to visit as I lived in a HA house but my sister owned her own home so my parents could visit her (despite the fact there was about 7 miles between my sister's house and mine). The biggest irony, for me, was that both my mum and my sister owned ex-council houses.

itsgettingweird Sat 19-Oct-19 20:31:13

When I was doing my degree through the OU my sister told me it was easy for me as I lived in a HA flat and it was funded.

She's been a LP now for 8 years.

I'm still waiting for her to start her "easy degree" grin

Some people like like to judge - it says more about them than you!

sueelleker Sat 19-Oct-19 20:27:40

She doesn't have digestive problems, does she? There's a condition called steatorrhea, where large amounts of fat are passed in the stools, and they tend to float.

SuperMeerkat Sat 19-Oct-19 16:32:51

@ChocoIateandTea **felled oak trunk**🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😂😂 Love this!! DH is only allowed to poo in the downstairs loo due to these issues and actually it isn’t only boys. My DD does some ginormous rubbery shits. At our old house we used to have a ‘poo stick’ which was basically an old broom handle to break up her huge poo’s so they would flush.

HalfBloodPrincess Sat 19-Oct-19 16:03:35

@potterhead1985 That comment was in relation to me saying I wasn't visiting/accepting visitors on christmas day as I wanted it just a family day! And even though I'm remarried with another 2 children now we still go all out at home just the 6 of us so 🖕 to them all 😁

PotterHead1985 Sat 19-Oct-19 15:50:37

@HalfBloodPrincess yep got that to. Only child of a single mother. Told I didn't have a proper family and I couldn't have a proper Christmas as you need a proper family for that. Which is why I am mad obsessed about Christmas!!

DrCoconut Sat 19-Oct-19 15:26:17

I do think previous generations kept up appearances much more. It was probably detrimental to them but was the done thing. My grandma worried about what colour to wear to her doctors appointment a couple of weeks after my grandad died, in her own childhood a faux pas such as wearing grey instead of black or vice versa would have been very harshly judged. "Age appropriate" is another obsession. On old photos women often look far older than they were once they hit marriage and children territory. Same with cleaning, ironing, washing, packed lunches etc - what will people say if I fall short of perfection? I think in trying to impose this on their daughters and granddaughters they think they are doing the right thing by helping them avoid embarrassment and maintain "standards" but it doesn't really work like that any more does it?

Itwasntme101 Sat 19-Oct-19 14:55:01

I'd be tempted to do your husbands family tree looking for a link to the aristocracy or royalty just to annoy her

MzHz Sat 19-Oct-19 14:40:45

... and she’s not a proper mother...


If she makes you feel bad about yourself, cut her loose. Seriously

Life is too short and too fucking tough to have people who are SUPPOSED to build us up do nothing better than bash us down.

I’ve cut both my parents off, life is immeasurably better!

Cuddlysnowleopard Sat 19-Oct-19 14:20:09

Sorry, I meant open neck shirt ie. no tie, not a Chippendale look grin

RueCambon Sat 19-Oct-19 13:45:07

By that rationale only single parents are proper parents. Bet he wouldnt agree to that though!

LenoVintura Sat 19-Oct-19 11:54:36

According to BiL, DH and I aren’t proper parents because a) DS1 is my child from my previous marriage and b) there’s 7 years between him and DS2. Apparently we’ve only had to parent one child so can’t relate to the challenges that proper parents who have two planned DC with a two year gap face hmm.

Oldraver Sat 19-Oct-19 11:40:06

OP she sounds so much like my Mum... she's so ashamed of me being a single parent, having Tattoos, having a scruffy garden, having a hole in the wall (for 17 years that I won't fix) where the curtain fell down etc.

Everything revolves around how things look to outsiders. When I put a couple of discs out and ended up with sciatica she got my Dad to mow my front lawn as "how will it look to the neighbours " but nothing to actually help me.

We've not seen her for 10 months and I recently sent her a photo of DS, something I had stopped doing. Het first words were OMG he's got acne, is it the kind that scars ? Of all the things she could of said, DS has grown and changed so much in the last year

RebootYourEngine Sat 19-Oct-19 11:28:56

I know that it is easy for me to say as I am not in your situation but I would have to laugh at her. Or feel a bit sorry for her as she must have had a very sad life.

I would rather be poor and with a partner who loves me and doesn't mistreat me and makes me happy than with someone just for money that is going to make me unhappy. All for the status.

katycb Sat 19-Oct-19 11:21:55

It's ok my Gran still says that we didn't have a proper wedding (civil ceremony)!

TreestumpsAndTrampolines Sat 19-Oct-19 11:12:23

Oh God - none of these are indicators - DP and I both earn well, we rent (have done for years - sometimes, shock horror, the house had a macerator toilet - although I lived in fear of the kids putting something down it they shouldn't)

I've had jobs where I wore suits, and jobs where I didn't, and jobs where I wore a uniform - and all in the same career. Just like DP. I found that actually it's the lower/middle management that were most strict on what I wore - when I was staff, or senior management I had much more flexibility.

Although personally I prefer a uniform - or at least a work polo or something so I don't have to think in the mornings. When I had to be smart I bought the same shirt in 6 colours, and two suits exactly the same, and just wore them on rotation!

DragonontheWagon Sat 19-Oct-19 11:07:45

Yikes, she sounds a delight!

My husband is a high earner but he goes to work in chinos and the same uniform shirt that the manual workers wear but he's not a manual worker. He just can't be bothered to choose and iron shirt in the morning so he wears a uniform top.

I'm in my 50's with long hair and wear the same stuff as younger people wear and I have zero intention of whacking out a nice knee length skirt and blouse ever unless it's look that's more on trend. I'll wear a polo neck with skinny jeans and a pair of leopard print boots to rock my inner Bet Lynch until the day I die probably.

ChocoIateandTea Sat 19-Oct-19 11:03:18

RueCambron it’s not good she’s saying that to your dd at all
What is the obsession with being slim why does it matter is it a generation thing ?

ChocoIateandTea Sat 19-Oct-19 11:01:34

I admit it did make me grow my hair when she said that it’s really long now !

notso Sat 19-Oct-19 10:58:04

The only people I know who wear suits are estate agents and middle management. Anyone more senior wears trousers and an open shirt.

What like this? How very professional!

goldplatedtoilet Sat 19-Oct-19 10:57:56

Over 30's need to have their hair cut short.

Well that's me fucked then because I am not only over 30 but I have waist length hair. And I look god awful with short hair as well.

What a shame the car has broken down AND you've lost your phone AND the broadband isn't working on Xmas Eve so you cant tell anyone that you cant xmas visit this year.

ChocoIateandTea Sat 19-Oct-19 10:55:57

Slimness is an issue for my dm too. I’m not big a size 10 but a curvy 10
Dsis is a 6-8 i was told I’ve got a leg on each corner’!!! That I should aim to be ‘more like dsis she is a thoroughbred’ ffs !!!

RueCambon Sat 19-Oct-19 10:53:41

@ChocoIateandTea oh nip it in the bud!

You're only 37 and I never really stepped out of the roles my mother cast for us until about 44 blush Embarrassed of this now.
Up till that point, the template of The Right Way was set by my Mum.

Things are a little different now. She finally understands that pleasing her or her generation is not a huge motivation for me. She's also struggled not to say more when I say to my DD have another plate of chips if you want? I don't want my DD to struggle with her weight but realistically if she's going to eat a bit too much she's going to carry the extra weight but that's not something that's carved in stone for every. At any point my DD could just think, right, fitness kick! Making her feel shit for not being pencil slim is just a crap plan. But one that my mum would like to implement! I shut my mum right down. I know my DD is not pencil slim but she's hardly fat either and if she wants another slice of cake I say just let her fucking have it.
None of us contractually obliged to be thin.

Slappadabass Sat 19-Oct-19 10:53:10

I'd start calling the cheeky cow Hyacinth, to her face grin

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