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I dont think I love my baby. I need help.

(17 Posts)
HarryPotterFan436 Tue 10-Sep-19 23:48:01

She is almost one. I am really struggling to feel any connection with her. She is sweet and funny and I cuddle her and play with her but I just dont feel anything. She doesnt sleep well. I didnt struggle like this with my older children. I really dont know what to do.

TowelNumber42 Tue 10-Sep-19 23:49:26

Did you/do you have post natal depression?

HarryPotterFan436 Tue 10-Sep-19 23:50:37

I dont know. I haven't been diagnosed with it but it could be possible.

Doryhunky Tue 10-Sep-19 23:51:10

Did you have a difficult birth. Other stresses? Post natal depression can go on for years. Degrees of bonding vary between children.

Haworthia Tue 10-Sep-19 23:54:09

Sleep deprivation leaves you feeling like utter shit and, no doubt, very resentful. It sounds like you’re exhausted and possibly depressed, but the two go hand in hand don’t they?

For me PND poisoned my thinking. I had no resilience whatsoever. Stuff that wouldn’t usually bother me suddenly felt insurmountable and too difficult for words. Sleep deprivation made it so much worse.

Do you have much support? Do you fancy talking more about the sleep issues?

lilypips Tue 10-Sep-19 23:59:20

Speak to your GP; they will be able to help.

ifoundthebread Wed 11-Sep-19 00:02:23

I remember feeling similar with my daughter, I loved her, hugged her, played with her, give up my life for her but there was no bond. Then one night I woke from a nightmare, nothing particularly bad happened but I found my daughter in a vulnerable situation crying for me when she was in the care of someone else. I woke up heartbroken, my baby needed me and I wasn't there. (wasn't real I know) but in that moment I realised there was a bond, it just didn't feel as i thought it should/would so never recognised it.

Speak with your GP or health visitor, lack of sleep is the worst and makes everything else much worse aswell.

Yeahsurewhatever Wed 11-Sep-19 00:03:37

Sorry to hear this, I don't have any advice except see your gp and open up to a loved one if you can
But this will pass
Well done for recognising the issue though
flowers I hope you can get the help you're looking for

Karkasaurus Wed 11-Sep-19 00:11:46

It can take a while to get to know your baby enough to feel that way. No one ever tells you that, but it's true, OP.

HarryPotterFan436 Wed 11-Sep-19 05:50:02

I was ill in pregnancy with hyperemesis which meant I was off work from week 5. The birth itself was a planned c section which went ok but I found it tough. It took a lot longer than my previous c section and some of the drugs they give you didnt agree with me so I felt weird and was vomiting during the operation. I couldn't hold my daughter until after the operation was finished.
With regards to sleep she just never sleeps properly. Normally she is up between 3 and 5 times a night. If I feed her she will occasionally go back to sleep. If I dont she will just scream. Sometimes if I feed her I can get her back in her bed but a lot of the time she will wake up as soon as she is in it and not settle unless she is in my bed. I cant sleep well with her in my bed so that will be an hour of very little/no sleep until I am able to move her again. In the day she rarely has more than half an hour at a time.

Most of the time I just wish we had never had another child. I feel terrible about it because she hasn't done anything wrong. She is awake again now so still no lt even ten minutes peace even before I go to work at this time in the morning.

HarryPotterFan436 Wed 11-Sep-19 05:52:45

Surely it shouldn't take nearly a year though karkasaurus? I keep telling myself it just takes time but her first birthday is soon and it's not improving.

RangerLady Wed 11-Sep-19 05:54:28

Sounds like my first. Never slept, and I was just dead on my feet. No one helped in any practical way so I just hated her, myself and motherhood. About 2.5 I did fall in love with her, I just realised she was s sweet curious little person I suppose. Plus she was sleeping by then!
Is there any way any one can help you out so you can get some sleep? It's unbelievably tough when you're A year plus with no sleep x

ThereWere10 Wed 11-Sep-19 06:09:05

Surely it shouldn't take nearly a year though karkasaurus? I keep telling myself it just takes time but her first birthday is soon and it's not improving.

It can. And the fact that it's nearly a year can trigger memories and resurfaced feeling from the birth and first months.

Give yourself time, don't be harsh on yourself. You do have a bond, even if it's not the same as those to your other DC. Can tell that as else you wouldn't be worrying that you don't have one. If you truly didn't have a bond, you wouldn't care.

HarryPotterFan436 Wed 11-Sep-19 12:06:57

Oh I hope you are right therewere10 I'm hoping at some point it will click into place and I'll know we have a bond.
I don't think there is any way to get any more sleep. I already go to bed really early as often as possible but usually up early either with the kids or for work. With the nights being so broken there just doesnt seem to be any way to get more.

Karkasaurus Wed 11-Sep-19 13:36:12

Yes, it certainly can take that long. Or longer.

My son is really loving and cuddly. But as a baby and toddler, he was so physically clingy and hyperactive that I found it really hard to want to spend any time with him. I know that sounds awful, but I was just so exhausted, I didn't have it in me.

HarryPotterFan436 Wed 11-Sep-19 14:36:39

Yes that's very much how I feel and I too feel dreadful about it. I'm sorry you had to feel like it too but you have given me some hope that it will improve.

Karkasaurus Wed 11-Sep-19 15:49:21

Yes, it has definitely improved. It's actually the things that I found hard about him that are so lovely now. He's so chatty and loving and just loves being with people. It was just very hard to deal with in a baby.

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