ASD disappointed in myself

[Medicaltextbook]

I posted this in SN yesterday. I’m still a bit low, posting for traffic

Sorry this is long I have ASD, adult diagnosed, no help. Just been at a party, a few family and friends. An relative A cou ple of times she needed to stop me from interrupting to say something in a conversation.

I don’t mind she did it. It was gentle. I don’t know if she knows about the ASD. She was right that it wasn’t appropriate to break into the conversation. The second time I knew it but anyway because I couldn’t work out when.

I’m just so disappointed in myself. I hate that I can’t make basic conversation. Here in bed trying to hold myself together. I had to leave earlier just to cry due to hating myself.

Does anyone else or maybe their children with ASD get this and understand how hard it is?
Does anyone feel that just for them personally ASD is a disability not just a difference.

[RedSheep73]

Don't beat yourself up. You were making conversation at a party - that's incredibly hard, you are allowed to not be perfect at it, at least you were having a go which is more than people would.

[MissingTheMissletoe]

OP I don’t have ASD, just very socially anxious and never can tell when the correct time for me to talk is. I’d rip into anyone that prevented me from talking though, conversations go multiple ways at parties and it’s not always possible to wait for everyone to stop speaking to say your piece. It often is a “whoever’s loudest and quickest” type of situation in group conversations.

However if you were just walking up to people and interrupting their conversation then that’s a completely different scenario and yes you should be asked to wait until they’ve finished speaking. However if this is something you struggle with you could make close relatives aware that you’re not trying to be rude, it’s just something that you struggle with. Don’t beat yourself up about it, we all make blunders at times and I think you’ve more reason than most to be forgiven and excused for those

[MissingTheMissletoe]

Also, your ASD is not a disability if you don’t let it be one. There will be some things you excel at, some you don’t and some you’re moderately alright at. This goes for everyone, not just people on the spectrum, but I think it’s more important that people with ASD know that it’s perfectly alright to not be the greatest at some situations. If being in large social settings isn’t your strong suit there is nothing wrong with that at all and it doesn’t make you weird or wrong and it definitely doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t avoid those situations if you are happy to be in them. You have every right to be there, having ASD does not mean that you should be excluded just because you’re not the best at social interaction

[Medicaltextbook]

Thank you for the support.

Missing
I have physical problems, definitely classed as disabilities. I cope better with them because they were obvious and I got help with them. I had physio and exercises, I was taught how to cross roads safely. I still have physical disabilities. I can’t see properly, if I could I would drive. I get round that by using public transport, but still partially sighted.

I like the idea that my ASD is not a disability, but it’s not true for me. My first post didn’t explain fully, so I can understand why you might think that. I didn’t get the help I needed as I was not diagnosed so no help with communication.

unstructured conversation of any kind is very hard for me. That party was as my relatives house and I know the people very well. I don’t have friends I have made independently.

If there was an emergency, I might call my parents, the emergency services or GP. I know how a conversation goes on 101 or 999. i hope I would call my neighbour, who could help more immediately. I know her name. However it’s possible I would not if it was only me that was injured, even if it was serious.

[DrCoconut]

I have to agree with you that ASD is a disability. My 20 year old has it and is unable to live independently or work beyond some voluntary hours. He's recently got a PA to try and get him a bit less reliant on me. It's an uphill battle to get PIP to pay for it though and if our mandatory reconsideration is unsuccessful I will have to appeal or pay myself which will be a strain. Others his age are at uni, doing apprenticeships, going on holiday with friends etc. My DS is disabled no doubt about it.

[NaughtToThreeSadOnions]

your ASD is not a disability if you don’t let it be one. There will be some things you excel at, some you don’t and some you’re moderately alright at

I appricate that your trying to be supportive but it comes over another neurotypical telling us how we shouldn"t be defined by our "condition" and its not a dusablity.

Its like telling a blind person that their disablity is only a disablity if they let it be. Or telling some one in a wheelchair that its only a disablity if they let it be.

It is a disablity, it disables us from living a neurotypical life.

I'm absolutely disabled. i live on my own and i'm apparently not entitled to any support and i work. Work is absolutely exgausting i have to sleep for at least an hour after 4 hours work, i find social situations confusing, i can't do simple things like going to the supermarket without freaking the hell out, i don't allow any one to touch me, i constantly have to wear head phones constantly to muffle the sound of the world because i can't deal with over sensory imput. The other day i was in tears because my neighbour was playing jis music and i couldn't cope . ASD is absolutley a disablity. But sure i won't let it be one!

[Medicaltextbook]

NaughtToThreeSadOnions and DrCoconut
Although I wish no one went through this I’m so grateful to you for sharing your experience. I’m not alone.