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I’m in such a bad mood help me out.

(13 Posts)
HeathRobinson Tue 12-Feb-19 14:36:08

Your dh is a star.

SpawnChorus Tue 12-Feb-19 08:42:09

Poor you. It sounds like it's hard work to be upbeat at the moment. And it's very understandable to be "petty" and jealous of your dad's support towards sil. I can really imagine you wanting him to just be unequivocally on your side, because he's your dad. I felt something similar with my mum for a while (although with her it was more of a light-hearted ribbing towards me, coupled with a praising of DH). I remember feeling sad that she would side with DH (over fairly trivial stuff), whereas DH's parents (who are generally lovely in-laws) would back him to the hilt no matter what. I wished that I had that explicit unconditional love. Things have changed now, I'm not sure how or why, but it's much easier to see my mum's love for me. It sounds like your DH is pretty good at giving that solid love and support now you've opened up to him. We all need to be topped up with love sometimes!

picklemepopcorn Tue 12-Feb-19 08:20:41

What a lovely DH. thanks

RaelImperialAerosolKid Tue 12-Feb-19 07:38:46

You got promoted- your child got in the athletic team.
You have a lot to be happy for.
You need to filter all the shit and just concentrate on the positive.
People like positive people who make them feel good - very superficial but once you understand this - you will get along with people a lot better.
As for SIL - stop doing stuff for her - ignore stupid requests- and all the one -up- manship - this is a major insecurity on her part. Your DDad is probably being manipulated by her. You are his daughter that trumps daughter in law - and she knows this.
Phone him - make plans tell him you need him - if you don't tell him he probably thinks you are ok.
You have to change the paradigm - other people will follow - value yourself and other people will as well.
Congratulations on the promotion by the way.

colourrunruinedmyhair Tue 12-Feb-19 00:08:51

Thank you for being so understanding, I was expecting to be told what a cow I am.
I’m rubbish at asking for help even when I do feel overwhelmed and vulnerable and because I’m rubbish at asking I just end up being sad on my own, feeling like no one ever notices when things aren’t ok with me, picking myself up and carrying on without anyone ever realising.

I’m annoyed with myself for being snappy with my sister in law because she’d made me feel like crap but ultimately because I’d handled it badly I was the bad guy in the situation.

I think I was just feeling a bit vulnerable because of being scared earlier in the week with the burglary and having a broken arm and still non of that compared to my sil getting shouted at by a guy, the whole world seemed to rally round her when I was told to stop moping and get on with it.

I’m feeling a bit more positive tonigh, my lovely dh came home from his night out early and told me it was no fun without me there. He had to go with work and I was supposed to go but had a problem with dd tonight so didn’t go.

He told me it was definitely not to do with putting on weight and that even if I put on 3 stone he’d still feel like he was punching above his weight. He said if it’s uosetting me we’ll both start eating healthy tomorrow and as soon as my cast is off we can start doing park run together. So I guess I do have someone on my side

OnwardUpwardsSometimesSideways Mon 11-Feb-19 23:36:04

She doesn't sound great, and your dad colluding with her against you must've been awful.

But I'm responding because I'm also someone that isn't ever perceived as vulnerable. People think I'm teflon. And lots of the time, I am. But not always and sometimes, yeah, I'd like to be the one that the world looks after and worries about. And sometimes, other people say and do things that really hurt and upset me.

So flowers to you from one who knows. Would you like me to pour and pass you a brew or some wine?

You do need better strategies for dealing, because snapping things isn't good. But, unfortunately, I'm not the right person to advise you. You shouldn't have been running around after her kids with a broken arm.
But I think you bottled it all up and then it burst out of you a bit. And that gave your SIL the chance to play the victim.

Ultimately, it's better to be stronger and a coper. But it's just bloody hard sometimes, I think.

redastherose Mon 11-Feb-19 23:28:53

@colourrunruinedmyhair I don't blame you for being annoyed at all she sound frankly awful. I do think that you are obviously a much better, nicer, more competent person than she is. Your Dad should be ashamed of sitting there and colluding in her bitching about you and I don't think he can possibly not have realised what she was doing wasn't in fun from what you said. The best thing to do would be to distance yourself from the lot of them, don't bother telling her anything about your DC's and if she starts boasting about hers to you do the 'thats nice' and change the subject. Likewise don't run around after her DC's in future just leave her too it.

HeathRobinson Mon 11-Feb-19 23:04:31

Sounds awful. flowers

picklemepopcorn Mon 11-Feb-19 22:23:08

She's doing it because you care. She's deeply insecure, jealous of your self reliance and close relationships. She's trying to get what you've got because she doesn't know how to be her.

However being sharp with her won't help.

Look up 'grey rock'. Let it wash over you, be bored and boring. She'll move on, or escalate making her behaviour obvious to everyone else.

colourrunruinedmyhair Mon 11-Feb-19 21:37:46

I know, I’m being such an idiot. I normally get ok with my sister in law. Our dc are the same age but she really hates it when my dd achieves something when her ds doesn’t and my dd dared to get picked for the school altletics team this week and instead of being happy for her she’s enrolled her ds at a running club (they’re 8!)
We also went out for a family meal last week and we work in the same field but not at the same place and I’ve got a promotion which is doesn’t like.
When we were out she wouldn’t check on her ds who was in a play area and kept asking me to go like I was her slave and like an idiot I kept going.
When I went one time she got up moved my meal to where she was sat and sat next to my dad. When I asked why have you moved my plate she kept whispering jokes to my dad about ‘oh she’s mad I touched her food?’ And my dad laughed along because she’s, yunno miss wonderful. So then she kept making digs about me to my dad saying I probably broke my arm because I’m thick and he should be nice to me I’m being a bitch because I can’t go to the gym and made some comment about my weight. I’ve nit put loads on maybe like 5-6 pound (ok so not great) but she made loads of nasty comments under the guise of ‘banter’ and my dad laughed along because he’s convinced it was all in good humour.
It wasn’t banter it was just bitchiness and I was being over sensitive and couldn’t take a joke.

After a bit I snapped and said ‘you ate a massive bowl of bitch for breakfast didn’t you’ And then she got all teary in front of my dad saying she’d only been joking and I was so mean to her. My dad told me I was out of order hmm

I’m rubbish at being vulnerable even when I feel it so no one ever wants to come to my rescue. I know how pathetic I sound I’m annoying myself confused

picklemepopcorn Mon 11-Feb-19 21:13:19

Oh dear! You are feeling fed up!

I'd say you are looking capable and independent, so people don't worry about you.

Maybe you need to let your vulnerability show a bit more. Point out to DF and DP that you feel a bit down in the dumps and would like a bit of TLC.

colourrunruinedmyhair Mon 11-Feb-19 21:09:55

I don’t actually hate my sil she just so pampered by everyone and i’ll be honest I do get jealous of how differently my family treat her to me.

colourrunruinedmyhair Mon 11-Feb-19 21:07:09

I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’m just in such a grouchy mood.
Well I do know why but it’s all such non issues and I need to just stop being a dick.
So I met my sil today and honestly I could tell her I’ve just done a poo and she’ll tell me she’s done 2 and they were solid gold. It’s just exhausting. I try not to talk about dc then she asks and I answer and there’s no point because her children are far superior and she will then point out how.
My manager at work was supposed to have my back about something today to do with my shifts she promised me it would be sorted and then she let me down.
My dad told me he’d phone me and didn’t I rang him to ask how come you haven’t phoned me and he told me he was too busy dealing with a crisis sil was having and she’s so vulnerable and needs his help and my db’s help. Someone was mean to her on the school run and made her cry and they’re both helping her, she had to leave her car and get a lift home with one of the mums because someone in one of the houses shouted at her for blocking the oth outside his house.
I got bloody broken into last week and had to chase the bloody burglar out and no one gave a crap but God forbid someone utters one mean thing to sil and the fucking fbi are involved.
And at risk of sounding like an utter bitch she’s not even his daughter I am and he wouldn’t do that for me he’d tell me not to be so dramatic. She has a dad who also went to help her, yes I’m fully aware I sound like a ten year old brat.
Dad then wanted to phone me and I was busy so now he’s sulking because I couldn’t fit him in when I wanted to.
I was supposed to be going somewhere with dh tonight and he’s gone on his own because plans changed at the last minute and I’ve been feeling self conscious lately as I’ve put some weight on over the last month because I’ve broke my arm and not been to the gym and I bloody hate the way I look and I feel like dh hasn’t taken me because he’s ashamed of me which I know realistically isn’t true.
I hate the way I look I hate my hair, I’m mad about work and I’m just not one of those people that people like to help.
You know the kind of people who people open doors for, or arrange their nice shifts for them at work or just go out of their way to help them just because. Well that’s not me and I’ve had a day full of reminders that I’m just an invisible annoying person and I’m having a sulk my toddler would be proud of.
How do I get good vibes back?!
I’ve name changed because knowing my luck this will end up in the daily bastard mail and my sil will see and it’s obviously me if you know and. And I really do know I’m being unreasonable please don’t tell me what a bitch I am, I already know I am I just get fed up that I’m always expected to fend for myself and fight off burglars but God forbid my sil have a mean man say something to her on the school run.

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