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Marriage and double barrelled surname for wife only

(34 Posts)
DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:16:03

I realise this is a first world problem, but I need some help please!

I'm getting married soon, and double barrelling my surname. My husband will keep his surname only.
So he will be Mr J Smith, and I will be Mrs K Smith-Jones.

WWYD when signing off together?
A) Mr and Mrs J Smith?
B) Mr and Mrs Smith-Jones?
C) Mr J Smith and Mrs K Smith-Jones?

FesteringCarbuncle Wed 03-Oct-18 09:17:12

I'd just keep your own name unless he double barrels too

CoperCabana Wed 03-Oct-18 09:17:19

When will you be ‘signing off together’?

user1499173618 Wed 03-Oct-18 09:17:36

You will be Mr and Mrs Smith.

user1499173618 Wed 03-Oct-18 09:18:23

You will be Ms Jones-Smith, surely?

FesteringCarbuncle Wed 03-Oct-18 09:18:30

And I've never signed Mr and Mrs so and so
I've signed everything in my own right as an individual

pastabest Wed 03-Oct-18 09:20:23

He's done a right number on you there hasn't he!

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:20:45

@FesteringCarbuncle I'd like to double barrell so our son has both our names and then I'll be exactly the same as him. 'Right on' you however with your feminist input!! 😂

@user1499173618 oh Christ you're right.... I'd be Jones-Smith. I knew that, just wrote it wrong!

user1499173618 Wed 03-Oct-18 09:20:48

It’s much better, IMO, to keep your own surname and not to double barrel. You can be both Ms Jones for everyday and officialdom and Mrs Smith for wedding invitations and other passé protocol.

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:21:27

@pastabest why? I want to keep my surname and take his too. I feel no need for him to have mine at all, and think it's unnecessary

CoperCabana Wed 03-Oct-18 09:21:43

Exactly Festering. The only time I would sign off together would be in a birthday or Christmas card in which case first names would be used.

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:24:29

@CoperCabana joint bills? Joint mortgage? Joint school fees?
House, car, child, life is joint other than work!

pastabest Wed 03-Oct-18 09:28:19

So you want to keep your name but also reflect that you are married and therefore have the 'same' name as your husband and children.

Only you won't, your surname will still be different because whilst you have to go through the hassle of changing your name to Smith-Jones on all documents your husband retains his name alone. No hassle, no change of ID etc.

Then at the end of it all you still have a different surname despite still changing your name like a good little wifey to him but he's got you thinking it's all feminist and wonderful whilst having done bollock all to actually be feminist and wonderful.

Keep your name, or take his, but double barrelling is a bit pointless unless you all do it!

Heratnumber7 Wed 03-Oct-18 09:31:24

Our mortgage is in names
Paul Smith and Paula Jones-Smith.
As is our current account.

Car can only be owned/insured by one person anyway.

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:34:35

@pastabest I probably didn't explain myself well, sorry. I meant I will have exactly the same name as my son which is important to me.
I WANT to take my husbands surname and see no 'hassle' in changing passports and driving licence etc, no big deal at all!

@user1499173618 and @Heratnumber7 thank you for your responses 😊

Xiaoxiong Wed 03-Oct-18 09:35:48

I wanted us all to double barrel and keep our own names for work if we chose to do so, but DH didn't want to bother changing his. So now I'm Ms MyName, he is Mr HisName and the kids are MyName-HisName.

That's been sufficient for both of us to travel solo with the kids with no questions asked, which was our main concern.

When the DCs grow up and potentially get married they can choose what to do with their names for themselves.

IStandWithPosie Wed 03-Oct-18 09:37:43

joint bills? Joint mortgage? Joint school fees?

You will never sign those as “Mr and Mrs name”.

It will always be two signatures “J smith” and “K Jones-smith”

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:38:26

@IStandWithPosie and @Xiaoxiong thank you both! X

AndOnAndOn Wed 03-Oct-18 09:40:07

I did the same as my husband has a daughter that wanted to share a name and I wanted to keep mine so it was a compromise with her!

Depending on the circumstance sometimes we are Mr and Mrs HisName or Mr and Mrs MyName (hotel check in or similar).

Official documents (mortgage or similar) generally write to Mr His Name and Mrs His Name My Name.

His parents insist on using his name 🙄 my family and friends use an array of combinations 😂 I'm not too hung up on it as I know what my name is officially and I know I have the same name as my children.

pastabest Wed 03-Oct-18 09:40:10

So what name does your son have now and what name will he have when you are married?

CoperCabana Wed 03-Oct-18 09:42:50

I think you are being a bit rude. You asked how you would ‘sign off’ so I asked when would you be ‘signing off’. I think you mean how will you be addressed. As other posters have pointed out, you will be either addressed as an individual (personally I have my own car, bills etc. so those are not an issue) or you will be addressed by your individual names in the case of a joint mortgage or joint bill.

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:43:34

Thank you @AndOnAndOn - FULLY expected the same from his parents, but bless him, he nipped that in the bud when they first said it when we announced we were getting married. It's probably my family that will get it wrong!

@pastabest sons surname is currently and will remain Jones-Smith, mine will also be Jones-Smith. I realised when @user1499173618 commented that I'd gotten my Jones' and Smith' the wrong way round
I am currently Jones, but will be Jones-Smith

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:45:41

@CoperCabana 😂 I certainly didn't meant to be rude, but how funny... I thought you were too!
My only bills in my name are literally my mobile phone bill, everything else is in his name or joint.

Babdoc Wed 03-Oct-18 09:52:49

DH and I kept our own surnames when we married. Much simpler.
As a feminist, I would never have agreed to losing my name and taking a man’s one. Plus, at my hospital there were already two doctors with DH’s surname - if I became a third one, the confusion for the hospital telephonists would have been even worse.
OP, you can of course use whatever name or combination you’re comfortable with, but I’d ask why it’s you making all the compromises and not your DH.

AnnoyedByAlfieBear Wed 03-Oct-18 09:53:19

I've dont the same as your. Official things like mortgage are addressed to Mr S and Mrs C-S. For everyday boring things, I'm addressed as Mrs S. We've had no issues at all with it.

YellowStickies Wed 03-Oct-18 09:59:26

Also, if it's important to you to have the same surname as your child you don't have to wait until you get married.

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 09:59:44

Thank you @Babdoc and @AnnoyedByAlfieBear for your responses

@Babdoc I don't have those concerns and don't feel that I'm compromising at all as this is my choice. Our son will share the exact same name as me when I double barrel my name, and I will share my husbands name which is what I want.

I'm off to work now, but thank you again for everyone's responses

IStandWithPosie Wed 03-Oct-18 10:03:58

I wonder why your husband doesn’t want to share the same name as his child.

Meet0nTheIedge Wed 03-Oct-18 10:10:51

It would be the same as any other couple who have different surnames, so Ms X Hersurname and Mr Y Hissurname.

I too can think of virtually no circumstances in which it has been necessary though (20 years married with both keeping own surnames). But that is how mail to us gets addressed (apart from when people make a mistake and put Mr and Mrs Surname). Most of our correspondence still seems to be separate though.

littleblackno Wed 03-Oct-18 10:11:11

I double barrelled my surname and regretted not just keeping my own surname- have gone back to it since diveorcing him. Kids each have my maiden name as middle name.
That said it’s up to you what you want to call yourself and I understand wanting to have same name as kids (although it really makes no difference nowadays).
I don’t think you need to worry what you sign off as pp said not sure when this would happen.

Knittedfairies Wed 03-Oct-18 10:20:02

My daughter kept her own surname when she married, so Ms Fairies but Mrs K for dull stuff. She has had issues though collecting stuff at the Post Office addressed to Mr and Mrs K. She had to go back with her passport and marriage certificate. You will never sign anything as Mr and Mrs; as pointed out upthread you’d sign two names.

Jaxtellerswife Wed 03-Oct-18 10:22:55

Oh good grief to some of thesehmm
I will be doing the same op. My partners name is kind of dull anyway lol.
I changed mine to my step dads via deed poll years ago and want to keep it but also recognise my (future) married name and the names of my children are also double barrelled.
He's welcome to take mine too but if not that's his choice.
Feminism is surely about having the choice? Anyway, irrrlevant as that's not what you asked!

DDogMum Wed 03-Oct-18 10:28:57

@Jaxtellerswife I think I love you!!!

Jaxtellerswife Wed 03-Oct-18 15:18:25

@DDogMum grin

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