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i dont want to buy dcs xmas presents this year.

(33 Posts)
Booooooooooyhoo Thu 22-Oct-09 22:07:51

that sounds horrid but i dont. its not because i dont love them, i love them very much.
the reason is, ds1 who is 4 has sooo many toys, needs for nothing, doesnt need clothes, and will be getting presents from both sets of grandparents and other family members that he really doesnt need either.

ds2 will be 7 months old and we have all ds1's baby toys and clothes so he doesnt need anything either, he also will get gifts from other family members.

my problem is, OH was brought up to be quite materialistic, xmas was always a case of keeping up with the jones' even though they really couldnt afford to.

last year i had a real job on my hands trying to keep him to buying one gift for ds1.

so would i be completely mad to try and persuade him that we dont actually need to get the dcs gifts for xmas? and if not, how do i go about persuading him?

i feel quite strongly about this, i really dont want to buy gifts taht will end up in a landfill site. my children will do very well in life without them.

ThisPhantomPlopsPumpkins Thu 22-Oct-09 22:09:36

Money into a savings account for them both, that way DH can feel like they've had something.

TeamEdward Thu 22-Oct-09 22:09:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuttOfTheBaskervilles Thu 22-Oct-09 22:11:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reban Thu 22-Oct-09 22:17:13

what about taking them somewhere instead .. like to this or something similar closer to where ever you live. Or to a pantomime / christmas play .. i know the birmingham rep are doing the snowman .. then you dh can feel he has still given a gift that is definate christmassy, but it wont be landfilled and take up space in your house. Of course this might not be appropriate for your youngest but children of any age can enjoy, music, lights and sounds, all the things he would experience with the above

Booooooooooyhoo Thu 22-Oct-09 22:17:35

sorry mutt, that does sound awful the way ive said that. of course he can buy them xmas presents but he thinks nothing of buying toys at anytime during the year, so xmas has to be soo much more expensive in his mind because it has to be a better toy than they would get throughout the year or at birthday time.

i think i would feel better about getting them xmas gifts if they didnt get things throughout the year. that way xmas would be appreciated but, i feel this year that xmas will not be special because ds1 is used to getting presents anyway.

im not putting this very well. i just think that the dc's. more so ds1 would not even notice that there wasnt a gift from us.

Booooooooooyhoo Thu 22-Oct-09 22:19:54

thats a good idea, reban. i would like to do something like that, that wouldnt just be lumped in with the rest of their gifts and then collectively dismissed as soon as cbeebies come on.

ginnny Thu 22-Oct-09 22:23:41

I feel the same Booo, but for different reasons.
This has been a horrible year financially and this month is the first month of the year that I won't be overdrawn on payday.
So I could do without the expense of Christmas to set me back into the red again, but I really can't get away with not buying dc presents (and ds1's birthday is on 21st Dec too), so I'll just have to stick it all on the credit card and spend the first part of next year paying it off.
sad Its shit.

MuttOfTheBaskervilles Thu 22-Oct-09 22:24:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booooooooooyhoo Thu 22-Oct-09 22:29:14

yeah i think we'll have to reach a compromise, i will put forward the suggestion of doing something with them rather than buying a present but i also think we need to dicuss the presents during the year.

ginnny i dont mean any offence by my post. i do understand that xmas is the hardest time of year for a lot of families. which is why i think it is such a shame that my ds will be bought presents that will most likely not be appreciated by him. it makes me cross.

ginnny Thu 22-Oct-09 22:34:38

No offence taken - I agreed with you.
Sorry if I sounded stroppy - I've had a bad day.

Booooooooooyhoo Thu 22-Oct-09 22:43:50

no you didnt sound stroppy at all, i just wanted to clarify. not just to you, your post just made me realise that it could come across as insensitive.

i have had years like that when a single parent, somehow i seemed to want to make the big gestures even more then when i didnt have the money.

defineme Thu 22-Oct-09 22:45:35

So if your ds1 asks for something do you not say wait and see what santa brings?
Tell your dh he's spoilinmg the magic of xmas if he doesn't allow them to build up anticipation.
How about exploring the giving side of xmas? My 3 all got oxfam gifts as part of their stocking last year (including 3 yr old twins) annd we had a clear out before xmas and gave lots to charity. We all made the shoeboxes together for charity and they got really excited about who it might be sent for.
My pil go really ott with material gifts and a happy compromise we have reached is contributions to bank accounts and experientional gifts like passes to the water park.I really have not got room for the sacks of presents that would appear otherwise.
It can make you feel really bah humbug can't it, but I think a materially spoilt child is never a particularly good thing.
I do think this quite a fundamental thing you and your dh disagree on.

bumpybecky Thu 22-Oct-09 22:46:31

for the baby I've always wrapped up nappies, wipes, cotton wool, bubble bath, new socks etc - all thing they'd have got anyway, just in shiny paper grin so no real extra expense

for older children I give things they'd have had anyway, so new socks, undies, toothbrush, toothpaste, bubble bath, crayons etc etc. If you wrap it all individually there's still loads of things, just not big expensive things.

SkivingViking Thu 22-Oct-09 22:53:30

How much do you reckon ds1 and your dh know, or remember, all the things that you have in the house? Could you not just start hiding a few of his masses of toys now, tell DH that you've got his presents sorted and then wrap them up for Christmas?!

We have an opposite problem in our house - dh's family don't swap presents at Christmas and birthdays really and I have to persuade him that we need to get the dc's a Christmas present (just a small thing - my family don't do extravagant presents either, but at least they do presents!) A happy medium between our 2 dh's would be nice

Booooooooooyhoo Thu 22-Oct-09 22:54:19

defineme i seem to constantly say that. i refuse to buy gifts for ds unless it is a birthday or xmas. but OH just doesnt even think like that. if he went for a paper and ds said, "ooh can i have..." OH would just get it. even if its something he already has.

for example, when OH and i were separated ds visited him weely and it became a weekly ritual that OH took him to local newsagents for him to pick out a tractor. ds now has literally dozens of tractors. but even now that we are together again, oh still does it. ds doesnt even look at them now, but if he asks when he is out, oh will just get them for him. completely different mindset to me. even if ds did show an interest in his tractors i would make him save his pocket/birthday money for them if he wanted them.

it really does frustrate me. how do i explain this to OH who just doesnt get it.

Booooooooooyhoo Thu 22-Oct-09 22:56:10

skiving that would certainly fool ds1 but OH likes to be involved in the picking of presents (which i do understand). he would hate it that i'd left him out of the whole thing.

OnceWasMummyPig Thu 22-Oct-09 23:25:11

Booo I also worry about how much our kids get at Christmas - particularly from dp, his father and my mum. Each year it doesn't seem to matter how carefully I plan it as dp always goes out and buys them loads of presents on impulse. (I also worry about how much pocket money he gives them but that's another matter.) My mum buys them whatever they tell her they want, and his dad buys huge things that no-one has asked him for but that make him feel generous.

However, I don't feel I can tell any of them to stop buying the kids presents. And if dp and I agree to only buy certain things, I'm not sure that he would stick with our agreement. I posted one Easter when I thought we'd agreed to buy DVDs for the kids instead of Easter Eggs - he bought the Easter Eggs as well without my knowledge!

So I'm afraid I don't have a solution, I'm just sympathising with you as I am in a very similar situation. All I can do is limit the amount of money I'm going to spend on them, and hope they appreciate what they have.

Booooooooooyhoo Thu 22-Oct-09 23:36:32

oncewasmummypig you could be me. i try to do dvd instead of eggs at easter but it never happens. so my ds always gets dvds and eggs because OH will just go out and buy the eggs last minute, but not just one. he'll get 3 because they were on offer. no rationale in it at all. drives me nuts. so ds thinks easter is great

bloodredcherrymonster Thu 22-Oct-09 23:38:39

luckily, i dont have a large family. my nan sends my dc's £10 each for xmas, which i put towards the things i am buying them, and just label one thing from her. my mum and dad spend £50 each on them, this year ds1 has a big lego set, a shirt and jeans and 2 packs of dr who top trumps cards, ds2 has 2 transformers, shirt and jeans and pack of ben 10 top trumps. dd's have a sylvanian familes house between them, a pretty dress each, dd1 has a peppa pig fuzzy felt set and dd2 has an INTG one. other than those people, its just my brother and sister, and myself who buy for them. the girls dad buys them a load of cheap plastic tat, which thankfully stays at his house for when they visit (if he ever turns up), and is usually broken about a week after xmas. my brother and sister dont go silly on stuff for them, my brother this year is buying the new lego creationary game between the four of them, and dnt know what my sister is getting yet, but she always consults me first.

AGoatAteMyUnderpants Fri 23-Oct-09 09:56:33

Message withdrawn

psychomum5 Fri 23-Oct-09 10:05:51

how about telling DH that you don;t want to buy big gifts (as you say, it seems as they don;t want for anything), but that stockings are the real magic of xmas and would he like to be in charge of those??

I have a friend who buys their children the gifts, and her DH does the stockings, and he loves it (her less so, he seems to buy more crap than she really approves of, but then, isn;t that what stockings are all aboutwink).

that way, you are happy with the budgeting, and he gets to be happy and feel as tho he is getting them somethingsmile

Booooooooooyhoo Fri 23-Oct-09 12:41:48

agoat thats a good idea, perhaps if i can get him to question why he does it then he might see it in a similar light to me.

psychomum good suggestion, will run that past him although, he does like that feeling of being resposible for the 'big' present.

TheDevilEatsBabies Fri 23-Oct-09 12:50:33

I like the idea of putting money into an account.

If they've got their own bank accounts then a cheque is a physical object they can open (in a card). obviously this won't mean anything to the 7MO, but the 4YO can go to the bank himself and deposit the money.

and if your OH is so desperate to give presents, can't you wrap up DS1's old toys for DS2 to open too?

TheDevilEatsBabies Fri 23-Oct-09 12:52:03

as an extra: just reading the bit about stockings: now we're adults, my mum and dad do us a stocking each with an apple, an orange, some nuts, a small gift, some chocolate and the cheque. grin

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