Relatives staying over Christmas - make me feel better!!

[SamJohnsMum]

This is our first christmas with DS (very excited about that) but it doesn't look like DH and I will get any proper time with him, just the two of us, as we are having my mum to stay from Christmas Eve onwards. As an only child, if I don't have my mum to stay, she'll be on her own, so I can't see this ever changing.

Anyway, how do people cope with relatives invading over Christmas and how many do you have - and how long do they stay?!!

Make me feel better people!!

[Cies]

Try to make sure that your mum adapts to what you want to do with DS. So, if you want to take him to the park to see the lights, do it! She can adapt easily.

Also, think that she is Ds´s grandmother, and as such will want to spoil her little grandson. She might help spread the load a little as well.

[compo]

Does your mum have any brothers or sisters?
It doesn't necessarily follow that you have to have her every Chrsitmas. There is also your dh's family to think about too.
Don't feel obliged to have her every year, I'm sure that's the last thing she would want you to feel.
Dh is an only child but we don't spend every xmas with his family. This year we're having my sister and her family to stay, last year we spent it with my family and his parents came on Boxing day, the year before we had a newborn and spent it on our own.

[AbbeyA]

I would just do what you want to with your DS and let your mother adapt around it. I don't see why it has to spoil anything. Chrismas is a family time and your mother is very close family.

[wingandprayer]

I sympathise as DH is only child and MIL has no where else to go at Christmas either. Initialy I found it totally suffocating but now I simply could not face the idea of her sat on her own on Christmas day though, even though she's very independent and would probably be fine with a jigsaw and a bottle of sherry!

Regardless of religious views I think this is what Christmas is all about - showing compassion for others, sharing food with family and those close to you. Over the years we have evolved into a lovely tradition now where she arrives at lunch time on Christmas Day so we have the morning with the kids on our own, then we have lunch together, open a bottle of champagne and them her presents afterwards. It's made the day last longer, she helps with the kids and tidying up, brings home made mince pies and and chocolates with her and it's all very chilled.

So I would say, can your mum come on Christmas day too so you can at least have a couple of hours with your DH/DC first? Also allocate her tasks so she feels part of the makeup of the day - my MIL was terrified of stepping on my toes initially and so didn't offer help for fear of offending.

[bigTillyMint]

I am an only, and after the initial excitement of DG, she now prefers not to come at Christmas as it is so full on!

How old is she? Do you get on well with her? Does she expect to be entertained, or does she like to have a bit of quiet time to herself?

If you have the space (ie spare room), you could make it as welcoming as poss with tea/coffee making and radio/TV so that she can have some quiet time to herself.

[witchandchips]

My dad and step mum made quite a big thing about protecting their space and christmas. I was always invited but it was clear that they wanted the day for themselves with no extended family around (cousins, grandparents, aunts and the like). Their child (my sis) hated it as she wanted a bigger do like her friends and her big sisters had.
Have your mum around but if having a day with just the three of you is important then carve out another day (say new years day or the 27th) where you establish a tradition of spending time with just the three of you

[SamJohnsMum]

I like the idea of another day, witchandchips - although New Year's day is mum's birthday so that's another day out!!!!

I'd really like it if my mum arrived about 11ish on Christmas day, but I'm actually scared of asking her to do this. I can't this year - we've already talked too much about Christmas and not mentioned it. I'm scared because last year we asked her to arrive later on christmas eve because we had friends staying over the night before and she got really huffy and starting saying it wasn't worth coming over for christmas at all. We told her she was being silly and she came as requested, but she's so prone to huffs if things don't go her way.

She told us she was taking time off between christmas and new year and basically expected us to do what she wanted the whole time and is even hacked off because we're seeing DH's family on the 27th (this is partly because we didn't speak to them for a while this year because MIL had me in tears numerous times during my pregnancy and my mum hasn't really forgiven her for this - neither have I, but I am trying to keep this under wraps for the sake of DS and DH) and when I said we might see friends on the 28th, suddenly she started getting stroppy again.

Anyway, I'm sure other people have far worse family issues than this. Unfortunately, her brothers all live abroad, so it's me or nothing.

Sorry, that was a really long post!!

[frazzled74]

we had MIL last year from christmas eve til 27th, it worked out ok in the end.can you do something on 23rd,perhaps a walk or drive to look at lights etc early eve. or put your decs up on 23rd so that you can have cosy afternoon and eveningjust the 3 of you.We actually found it a help last year and even had an hour at the pub christmas eve whilst MIL babysat and peeled veg.

[mamainstripes]

You can't realistically not invite her so you need to try and make the best of it. I think you would be better off picking a different day to be just the 3 of you. We have a special meal and a santa cake on 6th dec (St Nicks day) and put our tree up. We also have a meal and a 3 kings cake on epiphany and take the tree down. Maybe you could do something similar and keep it special for the 3 of you. My mum come every year for Christmas for about a week. We have immediate family for Christmas day but they are local and only come in mid afternoon until 9ish. There are 16 altogether this year and I did used to be slightly resentful that I did it every year but I enjoy it now. Everyone has to bring something which makes it easier and I don't do any washing up. I have no idea how to deal with someone who is prone to huffs.