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I’ve taken the tree/decs down already - now I’m depressed 😩

(28 Posts)
blacksmiths09 Sat 29-Dec-18 18:01:51

It’s been a strange Christmas. I’ve read the thread on the poor people on here who have had a CRAP christmas - and I’ve felt really sorry for them and hope they have a better one the next time around.

We’ve packed everything away today early. I’m not sure why but Christmas just hasn’t hit the bullseye at all this year and I fear it’s the start of worse to come or at least a downward slide.

Maybe it’s the DC ages. 15 DD and 10 DS. DD is absolutely horrible to us and is a nightmare to live with and is actually getting worse. DS is now firmly encamped in the world of Xbox. Neither interact with us properly and this year they’ve had no real excitement at all about Xmas. I envisaged lots of cosy nights by the TV watching countless Xmas movies etc but even that hasn’t happened. This is the first year we haven’t gone and seen a panto. It costs about £120 when everything is added up so when the DC showed interest this year we decided to not spend that money.

Myself and my partner have always made Christmas as special as we can - lots of lights and dec everywhere - putting them up quite early so the excitement builds and the house feels festive but it’s been a wasted effort really as both kids just shut themselves away in their rooms.

I LOVE Christmas and I’ll always make the effort so perhaps I should persevere and hope it runs off in the future......?

The house looks bare now. The outside lights still have to come down. I’ve literally 30 Christmas films recorded on our Sky + and I want to watch them but if I couldn’t find the right time during the festive season what chance have I got now it’s over?!? At least it’s still feeling dark and wintery outside which I love.

OneStepMoreFun Sat 29-Dec-18 18:17:18

Hi
How about you make some pizzas and popcorn for tea and then call DC down from their rooms to watch a film as you eat?

Go out for a misty/frosty walk somewhere pretty. My DC will engage in conversation if you ask stuff like: If you won a million pounds what would you spend it on? Or what would your dream house look like? Or Desert Island discs: if you could only take 8 songs and one luxury to a desert island, what would they be? etc.

That sort of game can get them talking and then you can try and move the conversation on.

Also, if you miss the decs, why not create some new year decs? I love lots of flowering bulbs - daffs and snowdrops and hyacinths etc in the house, with fresh-scented candles, like linen or verbena, and lots of polished glass.

We also buy giant sparklers and get DC to write their new Year's wishes in the sky with them. Even the teens don't mind doing that.

Could you take them out one-on-one for breakfast or to a film or the sales?

Akire Sat 29-Dec-18 18:22:22

I always leave up some fairy lights in anvaer or glass bowl to light up the room while it’s still dark. You do need something else to brighten it up

Awrite Sat 29-Dec-18 18:23:14

In two years, mine will be 15 and 10. Girl and boy. I can see this being us.

Dd and I only watched a handful of Christmas films.

I feel your post is a warning somehow but don't know what to do about it.

Resistance may be futile.

Anyway, you have my sympathy (ghost of Christmas future).

OneStepMoreFun Sat 29-Dec-18 18:25:47

We haven't watched a single film together this Christmas. We did go and see a show, and we've been on a few walks and out for a couple of meals. Mainly they've been in their rooms though! Both in mid-late teens.

Wouldyouorshouldyou Sat 29-Dec-18 19:53:18

I'm desperate to get them down! Thinking tomorrow might be the day. I want my house back.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sat 29-Dec-18 20:02:03

Our teens have mostly been room based this Christmas, this time of year is very different when the children get older.

The dses who are 14 and 16 see it as a chance to unwind and relax which to them means being in their rooms or with their friends. They don’t particularly want to spend time with us. I don’t mind too much, I work over Christmas which gives me another focus anyway so low key suits me but certainly it isn’t like it used to be.

DH and I have watched the Christmas films on our own and today we managed to get them out for a meal but that is it.

If I had my way the decorations would come down but DH likes to wait until after new year.

You are not alone OP💐

IWentAwayIStayedAway Sat 29-Dec-18 20:13:33

Why did you take them down?

blacksmiths09 Sat 29-Dec-18 22:21:57

I think we took them down to acknowledge the rather disappointed feeling of these past 3 or 4 weeks. Neither of us really spoke about it - we just started clearing then away.

Next Christmas I’m going to have the attitude that I’m doing Christmas the way we like it and if the DC don’t want to participate then that’s fine. As long as me and my partner realise this beforehand and try and make more of an effort to ourselves to enjoy the time of year.

blacksmiths09 Sat 29-Dec-18 22:27:16

We’ve left a FEW wintery/Xmas lights on one of the shelves in the hall......but the more I look at it the more it looks like some strange sad little shrine?! 😂🎄

RockinRobinTweets Sat 29-Dec-18 22:31:15

I’ve just taken mine down too and the always cluttered house feels positively minimalist.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sat 29-Dec-18 23:19:08

My DC are 19 and 16 and yes , they spend most of the time in their rooms (TV, iPad, Gaming and guitar for DS)

I don't think DS would give a monkeys if I didn't decorate (DD is more into Christmas)

For New Year I have loads of those flameless candles that look lovely in glass vases ( and safer than real candles)

mammmamia Sat 29-Dec-18 23:28:52

onestep has some lovely ideas!

PatPhoenix Sat 29-Dec-18 23:33:02

I love Christmas but perhaps in a different way. My decorations all came down tonight and I am just loving the calm and space!

What about asking your DD and dS to both nominate a film they want to watch with you? You get to veto if they suggest something you really hate.

Would they prefer something active rather than watching films? My mum used to put the Christmas tree in front of the telly because we weren't allowed to watch anything over Christmas! It seems strange really that Christmas now = watching movies.

Having said that, I do enjoy a nice film. We watched Die Hard on Christmas Eve and Star Trek IV on Christmas Day. Both great films, we enjoyed them. Find the new common ground rather than trying to get them onto the ground you shared in the past?

70sbaubles Sat 29-Dec-18 23:34:53

Your expectations are unrealistic. Mine havent sat watching xmas films, in fact bar polar express i cant think of one id want to sit down to for hours, its boring and repetative.
It does sound somewhat like theres a pressure to do christmas a certain way. It changes as they get older, they are too old for pamtomime etc. I think taking it all down was a bit sad really, you could have enjoyed the lights, they probably did too they just experience it differently. Stop looking at them as infants and comparing it to past years of school nativities and leaving carrots out. Thats gone, sad yes but new joys will come.

Badtasteflump Sun 30-Dec-18 00:41:12

I feel your pain OP. This has been our first Christmas with no mince pie and note for Santa, no reading Christmas stories together - and the DC rolled their eyes at most of my Christmas film suggestions sad. I know you can't freeze time but it has hit home that things have changed now our youngest is growing up - when we still had at least one 'little one the older ones played along more. Now there's nobody to 'play along for... and it has made me feel quite melancholy the last few days. My decorations are still up but, like you, I kind of feel sad just looking at them, as if they promised something that never materialised. God I feel even worse now!

mammmamia Sun 30-Dec-18 09:54:07

Gosh I feel sad reading that. I have twins aged 8 so I am aware that the days of Santa and leaving out carrots are nearing an end. Everything goes by so quickly when you have twins. Last night we watched a film together and ate pizza on the sofa, I wanted to freeze time. I’m trying to remember what Christmas was like when I was a teen / how I felt about it. I honestly can’t rememebr. Probably too preoccupied with boys / exams / friends / trying to get into nightclubs blush

RaisinRainbow Sun 30-Dec-18 10:22:27

I feel the pain!

HAve the sense it would be a good idea to take down tomorrow ie NY eve, so as to begin the NY with a clear (er!) space.

But I will so miss the bright colours and twinklage!

RaisinRainbow Sun 30-Dec-18 10:24:49

As for your festivefilm library - kudos to you for putting that together. I tried to keep up with Hallmark this year but felt hopelessly overwhelmed. Perhaps you can enjoy them during Jan-Feb while we are very much in need of comfort, treat yourself with a hot mug of cocoa etc?

GodknowsIwanttobreakfree Sun 30-Dec-18 10:27:36

What great ideas onestep!

I have accepted that my dc do not watch tv in any form any more, Christmas films, nothing. Seriously thinking of cancelling sky as I am the only one who watches and not overkeen myself.

I have taken the decorations down today and will put them in the loft later and have a clean up.

pleasenotmondayagain Sun 30-Dec-18 23:37:01

Different circumstances here, but I feel your pain! We have family here at the moment and the tree, decorations etc are still up. We usually leave them up till twelfth night and then cook ourselves a nice meal in the evening to mark the end of Christmas. (Nice as in we all like it, rather than takes a lot of effort!) We'll probably do the same this year especially given how the dates fall - the weekend will be the best time to tidy things away.

My DCs are not teenagers yet although one seems to have read the instruction manual! One is more easily pleased by little Christmas things than the other. But not a day seems to have passed without some kind of emotional disaster on the part of one or both of them. DC2 bursts into tears at the slightest provocation, and DC1 is torn between being part of everything and trying to assert independence. DH bought an electronic game for Christmas as a joint present and that seems to have led to the outbreak of civil war between the two of them. Or actually the three of them - DH is just as competitive.

I love this time of year and had lots of fun in the weeks leading up to Christmas, and happy memories. But at the moment, I just feel saddened by the changing family dynamic and the amount of rudeness, unreasonableness, and tantrums that are creeping into the celebrations. Selfishly, I never got the 'me' time that I promised myself. I took a day off work the day that the schools finished so that I could have half a day to myself, but I ended up waiting in for a plumber to come, and then dashing round a supermarket filling the gaps in an online food order (entirely my fault as well, which was even more annoying)

All things to think about next year, I suppose. Maybe I need to ask Santa for a parenting course fblush

Onlymeyousee Mon 31-Dec-18 20:18:08

I hate how fast time is going by

Equimum Tue 01-Jan-19 11:55:22

This has made me really sad too. My boys are only three and six, but I’m already painfully aware of time slipping by. It was DSs birthday the other day, and we have already moved on from farm trips to big museums. Presents have become science sets and Lego.

This year, I am going g to put much more effort into taking time to play with them and taking them to places that they will soon have outgrown!

blacksmiths09 Sat 05-Jan-19 17:53:34

Groan. The post-Christmas blues have slapped me in the face again today. Really wish I could wind the clock back to a few weeks before Christmas.

WheelchairWoes Sat 05-Jan-19 17:55:16

I feel this! I've decided to leave up a strand of twinkle lights all year. I'm also considering making a thread just for people to share photos of Christmas's past all year to help us not get depressed or sad

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