At what point do you assume you won't be invited?

[Famalam13]

Only the start of October so definitely not at that point yet but by when would you assume that no invitation was forthcoming and make other plans?

[SecretMongoose]

Probably the week or two before Christmas!
We don't tend to make arrangements very early, but then we all assume we'll be together, it's just a question of where really.

[venys]

Maybe 25th November?? That's my arbitrary date anyway.

[ShowMeTheElf]

Depends on what usually happens. If an invitation is given every year then the host may presume that it is understood. If it has been a regular invitation then it isn't at all inappropriate for the guest to ask.
If, however, the guest wants an invitation because the potential host has a new baby/new house/some random reason, then it's more difficult. beginning of November really.

[lalaloopyhead]

It depends I think, who would the invitation be from? We generally spend Christmas with, or make arrangements around my family. Discussion has already been raised about what we will do this year, Dsis likes to know so that she can make arrangements with her inlaws.

If someone has made loose suggestion, or you want to get together with close family I would just ask!

[Famalam13]

Situation is that DH and I got together five years ago. The first Christmas we spent with our own families as we always had. Once we had moved in together we spent the next 3 christmases just the two of us.

Last Christmas we invited my parents and grandparents to come for Christmas but they declined as my grandparents don't like travelling at that time of year (at least a 3 hour journey). So we invited the ILs who did come.

This year it is clearly my family's turn but the travelling situation hasn't changed so we would have to go to them. They haven't invited us though and I'm not sure when to assume it will just be us and DS.

Hope that makes sense!

[Famalam13]

Complications are that I know my step-mother finds hosting Christmas stressful and us descending with a 10 month old may not be what they want so I don't want to ask in case they then feel as though they have to invite us!

[NerrSnerr]

Just call them and ask what they're doing for Christmas as you're planning what you're doing.

[TheNaze73]

I agree with nerr Don't sweat it, just ask

[Famalam13]

I'm just worried that will come across as angling for an invitation as they know full well that I know exactly what they are doing for Christmas, the exact same as they have done every year for about two decades.

Might help if I explain that my parents are very formal and we don't have a close relationship. I don't see their house as my home as I know some adult children do. If I get this wrong I will be criticised.

[Famalam13]

I should just woman up and ask, after all whatever I do will be the wrong thing

[youngestisapsycho]

Do you actually want to go there? Or do you feel you should because you spent last year with the in-laws?

[plumstone]

Fam, just ask - saves much time.

Saying that I am praying for no invite and avoiding the subject like the plague - currently looking at sun holidays leaving Dec 20 and returning Jan 2 - excessive? No, I don't think so!!!!!

[Famalam13]

I'm the same plum I don't actually want an invite but I know I have to show willing as we had the ILs last year. Youngest is right. It is very important to DH that he is with his family every other year but my family will get jealous if we don't seem to want to see them on the other year.

[youngestisapsycho]

You spent 3 Christmases just the 2 of you... were you invited by your parents for any of these... do they usually invite you? Personally, if I didn't want to spend Christmas with them, I wouldn't ask. If they wanted to see you, then surely they would ask you what you are doing? Stay home and save drama!

[Famalam13]

I think they invited the first year youngest but not sure they did the second two.

[BaronessEllaSaturday]

Fam Why not invite them? You know they will say no but they can't then complain about you spending every other year with the in laws if they are the ones knocking back the invites, it does also open it up for them to invite you if that is what they want but doesn't put any pressure on them to do so.

[Famalam13]

That's a good idea Baroness :)

[123rd]

Crickey, my bloody mil starts fishing end of sept. Pisses me off... It's really not like she has other pressing engagements

[LizzieMacQueen]

I've already issued our invitations for this year - I like to have plans in place by mid September. We invited my BIL, his wife, my nephew and my MIL.

They declined which implies that they know people (those that they are spending Christmas with) who are more organised than us - or they just don't want to spend the time with us (quite likely!).

[0pti0na1]

Ask them if they'd like to meet up sometime over the Christmas season. Maybe you could stay in a B&B over the New Year and visit them for a day? There are ways to meet up without having to go the whole hog.

[Buttercupsandaisies]

We sort plans by July - if not meeting as an extended family then we go out to a pub and this needs booking by end of July!

[WeAllHaveWings]

These are your parents - why do you just pick up the phone/or next time you see them ask what they are doing for Xmas?

If they have plans then you know and you can say you were going to invite them and they might ask you to join them, if they don't have plans then you invite them and when they decline due to travelling offer to come to them and help with the cooking. Its not that hard.