Christmas Family Angst ...(2 Posts)
This is my very first pits and I apologize in advance for the length. I am married with one son. We live away from the UK, my brother lives over here too in the same town. My parents also live in this country and have recently retired and moved several hours away.
The plan for Christmas is that my parents are coming here from the 17th til the 30th.
The problem we have this year is that my brother and I aren't speaking, and my parents want to know how to see his kids over Christmas. He is an alcoholic, sometime drug taker and has really been very unpleasant for many years. He and his ex no longer speak. Most recently she has had a restraining order put against him. A couple of months ago he called me raging . After I hung up on him, my husband texted him to say that while we all love him and care about him, he cannot speak to me the way he does. All hell let loose, he texted back swearing and threatening my husband. We haven't spoken since.
Again, apologies for the length, I am trying to get to the point!
The Dilema is ... Usually my brother, his ex and their two kids would be with us on Boxing Day. I have explained on several occasions to my mum that he is not welcome in our home and can't come here, but that his ex and the kids definitely are very welcome!
I'm now being told that I need to get over it, that we're family, that we only have each other, and I'll be sorry if something happens to him.
I feel like I should once and for all put my foot down. We've has years if him either showing up drunk, not showing up, bringing random girlfriends with him etc and I just want a peaceful time. I feel like I want to please everyone and don't know how .... And I know that this is really upsetting my parents. I think it's more awkward as they're no longer living here , if they were they could have him over and we could just not go. As it is, all celebrations will be at our home.
I feel like just heading out for the day on Boxibg Day, doing the sales or something, but then feel cheated that me and my family can't have the Christmas we want ..... Anyone been through anything similar? We do get on very well with my parents, and I hate that they're so upset, but hate the fact that this has turned into 'my fault' when it's not, it's my brother! Grrrrrr ... I love Christmas but can't get excited this year.
It is your house and you have explained (with good reasons) why you don't want him there. I wouldn't let him come myself, and definitely wouldn't go out so he could be there.
Sounds like he should make the first move, not you, if there was a meeting it should be at his house or a neutral location so you can leave if you need to.
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