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Porn, lies, porn, lies and repeat.

(220 Posts)
Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 13:44:44

Title in a nutshell really.

Been with DH 11 years, caught him on some really nasty stuff nearly 7 years ago and wanted to kick him out but got the whole "all men do it" trope so I swallowed it hook line and sinker. This was before I realised just how fucked up the industry is and if I'd have known then what i know I would have made bunting from the reg flags and thrown a party to celebrate his departure but he said (and acted!) as if he had changed, he was very clued up on how damaging it is to intimacy and very VERY certain that part of his life was over and he had grown up and respected women deeply and understood my feminist viewpoint and supported me 100%, even laughing at "sad bastards" (his words) that threw away loving wives and families over a wank.

Well...(you know what's coming)

Caught him again yesterday, on those dodgy chat roulette and some sort of porn messenger app. I've kicked him out, he's at his mothers but if it wasn't for our DC I would love nothing more than never to see his grotty, lying, hypocritical face ever again.

I'm smart, have an excellent career and I'm attractive -no Samantha Brick but we can't all be modelesque eh? Please keep me motivated to keep the little tosses out. Just needing some moral support as the family are now butting in with the "Just one more chance he lurrves you" shite hmm

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 13:45:48

Tosser not tosses wanker, dickhead, cockwomble, etc

RockyBird Sat 05-Nov-16 13:50:37

You've done the right thing. Don't look back.

jeaux90 Sat 05-Nov-16 13:55:51

Hey OP big hug. He sounds like an utter tosser and you deserve better. Don't look back, I didn't and I am soooo happy about that (mine was a narc with various addictions like porn and gambling)

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 13:56:11

Thank you RockyBird I know that deep down. I'm rocking between anger and sadness ATM and I need to figure out how to keep my pendulum in the angry part!

85476466la Sat 05-Nov-16 13:59:24

Porn sites such as chat roulette isn't porn sites.. it is a site where people talk to others and do things on webcam. They are also very dangerous because you never know who you are talking to or their age/real age (sometimes even if they are really the same sex!).

Men watching porn is something that is going to happen, but there's a big difference between watching porn and using such chat sites.

Good for you, I'm really proud of you flowers

tallwivglasses Sat 05-Nov-16 14:01:45

Not only did he lie but he conned you into believing a whole pile of shite that he was a reformed character. I couldn't forgive that.

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 14:05:06

It was a mixture of porn and chat I found. Both overstep my boundaries so I had to ask him to leave. He's said he will go to counselling but it's too little, too late. I just don't want him any more. If he had been honest I would have supported him in getting help but he just lied and lied and lied which kills it stone dead for me. Luckily, my confidence is still here and it's shallow to admit but I'm by far the better looking one out of us both so no ner ner. He said himself "il never find another woman like you" well you tried pal, and they all ignored you and now I'm ignoring you. Boo fucking sucks to be him right now

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 14:07:31

That's exactly it tallwivglasses he's a con man. He is a dishonest, dim as fuck dickhead.

Fukuiraptor Sat 05-Nov-16 14:09:15

I am female and I enjoy watching porn. I think you should talk openly to him about it and I - personally - feel you have overreacted.

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 14:10:46

He's been attempting to chat with other women Fukuiraptor and he knows my boundaries and agreed to them. With respect, I'm not married to you. And I also don't love liars and hypocrites but I have one going spare if you want to take him off my hands....

MsVanRein Sat 05-Nov-16 14:10:53

Stick to your guns OP you are doing the right thing.
flowers

eurochick Sat 05-Nov-16 14:11:00

I echo what Fuk said.

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 14:13:20

Is it the porn you think I'm overreacting about or then messaging euro? Just being curious... it's ok to start up sex chat with ransoms now is it?!

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 14:13:52

Randoms not ransoms. No kidnapping here....

Fukuiraptor Sat 05-Nov-16 14:16:02

I'm sure he loves you and your DC more than anything. And I'm sure you love more than anything too. Talk to him xx

loobyloo1234 Sat 05-Nov-16 14:16:57

Porn for me isn't the issue. The chat thing is. Do you expect him to watch no porn whatsoever OP? If so, maybe thats why he's pushing the boundaries as you're suffocating him on something that so many other men and women watch?

Diamondsandpears Sat 05-Nov-16 14:17:13

Well done. I support you even if your family don't.

LHilton4981 Sat 05-Nov-16 14:17:40

I enjoy porn & have watched with my partner but when it comes to doing it behind your back, watch it fine, but to the extent of chatting to the girls, that's oversteps it for me.

Fukuiraptor Sat 05-Nov-16 14:17:49

It's fantasy, he needed a wank. You are real and he loves you x

Bluntness100 Sat 05-Nov-16 14:19:38

On the porn yes, I also think you have over reacted, but I'm not so sure on that chat roullete thingy, I just googled it and it seems a bit weird really.

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 14:19:55

I have talked and he tried to lie before being presented with the evidence. Thank you MN for the "keep your powder dry advice". He knew he score, lose me if you have sexual contact with another person. Clearly his wanking habits mean more than his promises to me. So he can jog on can't he? DC will of course be upset, but I didn't cause this, he did and I refuse to be in a permanent state of anxiousness and suspicion because of it. There's a long time after the kids have left home and it's just you too, especially if you can't stand the sight of his lying little sad face that he left with....someone please give the knobhead a job at the daily fail as a stock photo model

LHilton4981 Sat 05-Nov-16 14:21:40

Have you tried watching with him?

I actually think my openness about it has made my partner more willing to only want to do that with me now.

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 14:22:24

Bluntness There was a couple of similar apps too, can't remember the names but it doesn't matter anyway. He admitted trying to get women to chat as he wanted a "friend" hahahahahahaha. You're right, it is weird and I don't fancy weirdos so there isn't any where to go is there?

Pornybastard Sat 05-Nov-16 14:23:46

I caught him searching for rape porn 7 years ago LHilton so no, not an option hmm

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