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just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

(231 Posts)
theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 01:40:39

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

Walkacrossthesand Sat 31-Aug-13 08:07:31

BTW OP, how old are you? If this is 'your second time around' re dating, and many years since the first, the culture has massively changed. Unlike when i were a girl, having sex with someone you've just met is now commonplace - the only important thing seems to be to be safe from STI. The fact that you can't be safe from attack from someone you met 2 hours ago, doesn't seem to figure confused

Trigglesx Sat 31-Aug-13 08:19:47

You seem disappointed, like perhaps he was over-keen?? Was it something in particular he said or did that concerned you?

Numberlock Sat 31-Aug-13 08:27:36

We need more info about he went about asking to go back, was he pushy, nasty etc, did you part on good terms.

Bitrustyandbusty Sat 31-Aug-13 08:31:57

DH of ten years came back to mine after the first date, lots of talking and kissing. Then he slept in my spare room :D

The second date was a different matter... wink

If he was keen, that's good. Pushy, however, would be a different matter!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 31-Aug-13 08:57:23

Not seeing the issue.

DH and I woke up together the morning after our first date. Nine years later we're still here!

Tuppenceinred Sat 31-Aug-13 09:14:39

Fair enough that taking a date home worked for some of you on the first date, but honestly, on-line dating and personal safety anyone? There's nothing wrong with Op being cautious about this and as others say, if he's genuinely interested and a nice bloke, it won't put him off.

WaitingForMe Sat 31-Aug-13 09:21:05

I met a guy online, took him back to my place and we had a lovely fling (all I was offering).

I met a friend of a friend, he walked me home then when I turned down his advances turned on me. Luckily, I know a little self-defence and took him by surprise when I hit him that I was able to lock my door before he reacted.

The Internet isn't full of weirdos and guys your friends vouch for safe.

MexicanHat Sat 31-Aug-13 09:26:55

I agree with Tuppern

It was OPs first date. She doesn't know him at all!! Wasn't there someone recently on MN who invited her date in and got raped?

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 09:50:34

I'm in my early 40's and yes starting over after divorce.

He wasn't nasty at all ( he said he was hungry! - he'd not had time to eat before meeting me - i'd eaten and he didn't want to eat alone in the pub and had 40 mins drive back home). I said i'd had a great evening, would haplily see him again but didn't feel ready to invite someone i'd just met back to my home. He seemed a bit evasive about meeting again, although mentioned a couple of days - guess I just have to wait to see if I hear from him now...

Boomba Sat 31-Aug-13 10:04:21

Hmmm...that does sound suspect to me actually

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 10:06:58

The whole thing Boomba, or the "being hungry!)

Leverette Sat 31-Aug-13 10:10:42

He sounds like a chancer but the key thing is why are you feeling guilty?

It's like you want to please him and are feeling bad because you didn't.

Boomba Sat 31-Aug-13 10:14:07

Being hungry as an excuse to come back to yours, after "not wanting to eat alone' in the pub...

was he a bit slimy?

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 10:16:46

No, not slimey at all. He seemed like a really nice guy, chatty, down to earth, interested in me, etc - the nicest guy (and most fanciable ) i'd met online (and there have been a lot!) just a shame how it ended sad I was really hopeful about this one

AnyFucker Germany Sat 31-Aug-13 10:19:51

I wouldn't have wanted to be the only one eating on a first date either

I don't understand why you are so disappointed at how it "ended" though

it hasn't "ended" has it, unless he doesn't contact you again in which case, next!

Boomba Sat 31-Aug-13 10:20:17

I don't understand why you think it ended badly

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 10:21:46

I'd be the same AF - ie not wanting to be the only one eating on a first date. I suppose i'm just disappointed that I said i'd e happy to meet again and suggested a couple of evenings but he seemed a bit evasive about making firm plans

He claimed to want to go back to yours for food? Like, grab a takeaway and then eat it at your place? Or go back to yours so you could make him something?
Either way that strikes me as odd.

Trigglesx Sat 31-Aug-13 10:23:18

Didn't want to eat alone at the pub? Is that where you'd been? He could've ordered some nibbles without looking like he was the only one eating. If he meant "eating alone at the pub" about the two of you, how does that add up if he's eating at yours afterwards and you're not? confused I'd have to agree, combining that with "evasive" about getting together again, does seem a bit overly keen.

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 10:23:49

I meant the date didn't end in the best way. Other guys who've been keen, have just texted afterwards to say they had a good evening and suggested meeting again. This one just seemed to want to be invited back (for food!)

AnyFucker Germany Sat 31-Aug-13 10:26:13

Only you (and he) were there, love

and it doesn't matter what we say, really

if something doesn't sit right with you, then so be it

we have instincts for a reason

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 10:29:50

You're right AF. Guess as I'm still quite new to online dating I jut wanted some input form others about how it seemed. I might be being over cautious, but I'd have thought most guys would be respectful of that.

Its just a shame because it was the best date I'd had in ages, really fancied him but now I feel unsure.

I guess I should leave it now to see if he contacts me, or is it ok to text him?

AnyFucker Germany Sat 31-Aug-13 10:31:20

I am a very old smug married so my advice may not be useful

I think one quick text acknowledging that you had a good time is ok. Then no more.

AnyFucker Germany Sat 31-Aug-13 10:32:38

Perhaps he is having an attack of the guilts that he came on too strong and a quick text opens the door for him to reply and suggest another date.

If you get radio silence though, stop.

text if you want to. your peace of mind is all that matters - not some imaginary game that you can get wrong or right.

if texting him and saying something will make you feel better then do it. do it for your mind rather than to be attached to a desired outcome iyswim.

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