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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

This month i am being made to sell our lovely 3 bed semi for a one bed flat, and my ds is going to live with his dad

222 replies

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 13:26

i am so sick of it all.

my ex has decided i "dont deserve" the house any more (we now pay half the mortgage each, although he has been paying ALL of it until 2 mths ago) even though i put 50k of my inheritance money into it.

i do understand that it is a lot for him to pay for, especially as he has got his girlfriend pregnant and the baby is due next month, so he is going to legally force me to sell up.

We've decided that ds can live with him and his girlfriend, as he is not happy here with me and dd.

All i can afford is a one bed flat with my dd, i cant get a mortgage as i am paid cash for my job.
Such a lot to take in really.

OP posts:

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MascaraOHara · 15/04/2008 13:27

Oh god AGBU.. that sounds awful, is there really no alternative?

lulumama · 15/04/2008 13:28

can he do that? legally? does DS want to live with him? how will it be for him when the new baby arrives? will you be ok?

Saturn74 · 15/04/2008 13:29

AGBU
Are you getting any legal advice re all this?
Have you contacted the CAB at all?

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 13:29

no housing alternative.. i cant even afford to rent.

and yes ds will be happier with his dad. He hates it here with us.

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Iklboo · 15/04/2008 13:29

See a solicitor before you do ANYTHING - even if it's legal aid. Don't be done out of anything you might be entitled to.

OrmIrian · 15/04/2008 13:29

Oh sh*t bellyup! That's awful.

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 13:30

my ex says he has gone to the CAB re his debts and they said the best thing is for me to sell the house. They told him i must be rather "selfish" to want to keep it when i dont earn much to pay for it.

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Youcannotbeserious · 15/04/2008 13:31

How long ago did you split?

Don't you have a court order agreeing what is to be paid?

Presumably, he won't have to pay CS for DS if DS is living with him?

You really need to get some advice - now is not a good time to sell OR to get a mortgage. A few years ago, I got a self certified mortgage (no need to 'prove' income) but I'm guessing that they aren't so easy to get hold of now and they probably have horrible rates too...

What will happen if you can't sell? Obviously, I don't know where you are or how likely that is, but it is a real possibility in today's market... Surely, your ex wouldn't risk the house being repossessed?

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 13:31

but i dont know if i want to see a solicitor, i think its best i do sell the house really so ex doesnt have all this control over me.

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allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 13:32

he doesnt care if house gets repossessed he says.
He has got a baby on the way to worry about.

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Youcannotbeserious · 15/04/2008 13:35

AGBU -

If you don't want to see a solicitor, that's up to you - but what about the equity in the house?

The first £50K (plus interest!) should be ring fenced as yours given you put that in. After that it should be 50:50.

Who's name is the house in? If it's joint (and I'm assuming it is) then he should bl**dy well care about it being repossessed because he won't get another mortgage in today's climate with THAT on his record!

How old is your DS? How does he feel about the baby?

lulumama · 15/04/2008 13:37

i cannot believe the CAB said that. i imagine he made it up to guilt trip you

he is legally obliged to keep a suitable roof over your heads until the dCs are 18

is this going ot be good for DS?

you must see a solicitor, you are being forced out. even if you do sell, make sure you get the money you are entitled to

mummynumber2 · 15/04/2008 13:38

Have you been to the CAB? Are you sure you are getting all the benefits you can? What an awful situation.

jellibabe · 15/04/2008 13:41

Allgone please don't let him take advantage of you while your feeling like shit. He only has his interests at heart. The CAB are suppose to be impartial - the "selfish" comment is his way of getting you to go quietly. Please go and get legal advice.

gillybean2 · 15/04/2008 14:13

were you married or just living together?

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:31

married, still are legally.

he will let me have 80k equity from the house out of the 100k.
but i cant buy a flat just with that, and i cant get a mortgage.
He hassles me all the time to sell up, he says he wants nothing more to do with us.(me and my dd)

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allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:33

Apparently the CAB and his financial advisors have told him to sell the house, and thats the only way out of all his debts.

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hanaflower · 15/04/2008 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lolly68 · 15/04/2008 14:36

ALBU - you have rights as you are married. He still has to provide a roof over your DS's head regardless. You must get legal help as soon as possible. The £50K that you put down is yours and you should get that back straight away. Do you have any income at all coming in?

Lolly68 · 15/04/2008 14:36

Sod his debts. Think of you - please go and seek help.

Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:38

how about housing association part buy/part let flat - you could buy say 50% with your share of the cash and rent the other half.

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:39

i did see the CAB a couple of months ago - they said he doesnt actually have to provide a roof over ds's head, just to pay me 15% of his income as maintenence payments.
He says he owes me nothing, but i do keep reminding him that we are still married.

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Lolly68 · 15/04/2008 14:39

That's a good idea what Kewcumber says. There are so many options for you but you have to get help and dont let your ex bully you.

Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:39

tbh 80:20 is probably a reasonable split if 50% was yours to start with and you are both housing one child each. If his income is more then he would still be expected to contribute to DD's costs (eg pay part of rent) as well as housing DS.

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:40

kewcumber, i am already on HA waiting lists, its a 3yr wait for the shared ownership deals round here. Too may people and too few properties available.

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