How much longer do I have to feel like this?

[Depressedmum32]

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

[MummyToSteven]

hello depressedmum32 and sorry that you have had such a rough time. everything that you have described does sound quite typical of PND, right from the initial high and endless energy after the birth to the recent panic attacks. I would also imagine that feelings of unreality are due to a combination of depression/sleeplessness. From what I have read about PND, panic attacks and anxiety symptoms seem a lot more common than in other types of depression. ADs can cause initial panicky feelings the first few days; i have read that this is meant to be a good sign, in that it means they are starting to take effect, and means that they should work for you. A few people on here have taken cipralex and have felt pretty rough for the first week or so. It is quite common unfortunately to experience side effects the first two weeks of taking ADs. Usually these side effects do go after the first two weeks. Cross fingers within the next 7 days you should stop feeling the side effects, and should start to feel a bit better in yourself. ADs can take up to 4 to 6 weeks to have much effect tho. If you don't feel at all better after say 4 weeks on the tablets, you could then discuss with your GP/CPN what would be best; to increase the dosage or to change to another AD. I am sorry that you are having to wait to see the CPN, but hopefully once you do manage to see him/her, he/she will be a help to you; counselling is also an effective treatment for PND.

take care
x

[yoyo]

So sorry to hear his. You have had such a miserable time it's not surprising you feel so wretched. Do you have any family who could come and give you some help? If not ask your HV if there is a service in your area where someone comes around to give you a hand a couple of times a week (usually an older person who's had children and now has some free time). I was offered this with dd2 and didn't take it up (regret this with hindsight). I have no experience with the medication but oughtn't you to contact your GP or HV if they are actually making you feel worse?
I really hope you can overcome this soon - it's hard enough looking after children when you feel well.

[Depressedmum32]

Thanks yoyo and mummytosteven for your messages. I went into town today with dh as it is his day off and it was the worst experience of my life. Felt so paniky and scared in shops because I didnt feel as if I was really "there" which is horrible.Came home feeling so tierd, cant keep my eyes open but cant physically fall asleep, how awful is that? feel safe once I am back in my own home. wish I could fast forward acouple of weeks when side effects might have gone and I might feel better.

[Depressedmum32]

I feel terrible today everything seems so unreal, the ad's make me feel worse, really panicky. Is this normal? I don't have any family nearby, my mother is in wales, so I am alone with this until dh comes home in the evenings. All I want to do is sleep, but I cant even sleep properly. Gp prescribed sleeping tabs but they dont seem to work.

[krocket]

DM, so sorry to hear that you feel like this. Have you only started taking the ADs? If so you will feel odd for a few days (possibly longer). MY DP was given ADs and for the first few days he felt awful, I think it's normal to go through this stage. He too had horrible panic attacks. For what its worth, he was on the for 6 months and he's fine now. I really hope you start to feel better soon {{hugs}}

[spook]

Hi Depressedmum32. I am really feeling for you honey. Hang on in there. What you are feeling is so totally natural-PND is wicked. BUT-I am on Cipralex and had a couple of days of panic attacks and hallucinations at the beginning but they will kick in very soon I promise. 5mg sounds like a very small dose to me.I am on 10 and that's still minimal. Sleep will come to you eventually but you are poorly and you need time to recuperate and for your pills to kick in.Keep posting on here. It will lift you and keep you going {{{{big hugs}}}}

[Depressedmum32]

Hi spook, I only started the Ciprlalex 5 days ago and because I get panicky Gp suggested starting on 5mg for seven days then up to 10mg on the 7th day, she said it eases the panic symtons. Thank god I didnt start on 10 mg I would be a gibbering wreck!!! What I want to know is how long will it be before the sleep kicks in? I'm sure half my problem is lack of sleep. I feel really nervy and edgy today, worse than when I wasnt on the ad's but I have got to pull myself together and take youngest ds to pre-school. This is a marathon task for me at the mo as I also have put baby dd in her car seat and it all seems a bit much with shaking hands!! Ah well here goes, wish me luck!

[putthemousedown]

I had pnd after dd1 was born and this sounds so familiar. With me it kicked in after a kidney infection when she was 6 weeks. Had antibiotics but couldn't convince myself I was better and was going to be ok! Had panic attacks, and the feeling of unreality was so scary. It was more anxiety than depression. I think you will only start to feel better when you are on the 10mgs - think 5mgs probably not enough to help. The extra panic attacks you are getting could be due to anxiety about taking the tabs and the dose isn't high enough to help. Could you put baby in pram during day and go for a long walk. This might help with the sleeping prob.

[Depressedmum32]

Well, i did it! ds now at pre-school and i am sat at the computer feeding dd, feel very dazed though, as if i am in a trance, is that a side effect of the ad's in the first few days, cant put a queastion mark as i need 2 hands and havent got 2 at the mo! Can anyone tell me, the advice i am getting on here is great, felt so alone until i found mumsnet.

[Depressedmum32]

I think it would definately help if I got some execise, I am virtually housebound because I am too scared to go out. Its a vicious circle, the things that would make me feel better, I am too scared to do.

[spook]

I don't know.I think it may be a combination of PND and the AD's. When is he upping your dose to 10mg? I really don't think that 5 will do very much good.The good thing about Cipralex is that they ussually kick in faster than other types. As for sleeping-that is a classic symptom of depression and not until you have got your feelings under control will it settle. The only advice I can give on this is what I'm sure you already know. Warm bath,lots of lavender,hot milk,cosy bed,all tose things which are known to relax you. Are you feeding your babe yourself? Because that will obviously be disturbing your sleep and it's never a realxing bedtime when you know you could be woken again any minute!

[welshmum]

DM32 I don't have any direct experience of taking ADs but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that you start to get some better sleep in soon.xxx

[spook]

When I was at my lowest ebb I would be desperate to get out of the house and as soon as I did it I would be desperate to get home again!! But fresh air will do you both the world of good.Is there anywhere where you know there won't be too many people? Kids park are a no-no. I am lucky.I used to go off to the beach and get blown about a bit on my own (still do.Off there in a mo!) PLEASE don't worry.What you are feeling is what hundreds of us on herre have felt and we've all got through it

[Depressedmum32]

Gp said to up my dose in 2 days, they wanted to do it slowly because my panic is soo bad, i was bad before i had dd always had panic attacks, but never anything like this.Dh is getting up in the night to feed dd ad's means i cant breastfeed her, poor dh is shattered!!! but he just wants me well again.

[Depressedmum32]

spook you are so lucky to be by the sea!! my mum lives in wales on the coast and i am always happiest when i am there, would go and stay with her but it would be silly at the mo as then i would have to get up in the night to dd and i would be back to square one. is nice in a way to know that other people have had these horrible feelings and that i am not going mad!!! i wish i was in wales i am always happiest there as that is where i come from, some how i ended up 230 miles away from my family but dh is from round here and wont move.

[spook]

Honey. Even if you had to get up in the night you could rest during the day if your mum is there??Sometimes to get away from everything-especially if that is where you're happiest could do you so much good. I was constantly on the move when things were very bad for me. Couldn't stay in these 4 walls. Why don't you have a serious think about going? Those walks on the beach and a bit of mother love could be just what you need whe you're ing for your AD's to settle you.

[spook]

I have to go out now but I will be back in an hour or so to check in on you. Hang on in there and snuggle that babies head for a while {{{{{}}}}}

[Depressedmum32]

Thanks spook, i may consider going just for the change of scenary, long walks by the sea might be the thing that helps me sleep at night. I have just had a damn good cry, not really about anything in particular but because i needed to, cuddled dd close while i did it

[putthemousedown]

I was scared to go out! Heart used to race and I'd feel so shaky! You've got it just like I had. Its hard to make yourself do it I know but fresh air and exercise can help. I could only walk locally - couldn't go on a bus - too scary! You will get through it, I did but it took some time tbh.

[putthemousedown]

I love Wales too.

[Depressedmum32]

Putthemousedown, how long did it take before your feelings of unreality got better? The gp says that they are caused by anxiety not depression and says I need to get the anxiety under control, which is why he prescribed Cipralex, he says it is good for anxiety, at the moment I feel ten times worse but I am just holding in to that thought that it will pass.

[Depressedmum32]

I have to venture out to get ds from pre-school, am absolutely terrified! I am so inpatient, my p[rob is that i want to get better straight away.

[agy]

Yes, cipralex is the one they give for anxiety. They hadn't invented that when I had this! Did have that unreal feeling, sort of like I was distant(!), for quite a while on and off. But you've got cipralex - it won't take so long for you.

[agy]

I know. At least having to take and fetch ds means you have to get out and that will help. Apart from doing that, and going for quiet walks if you can, just be good to yourself while you wait for the tabs to kick in.

[agy]

Now that's confusing for you! I'd found myself a proper name at last but I've slipped back to my old one! LOL Oh well!