Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

[2pt4kids]

I agree with you

[duckyfuzz]

its not competetive thanking, its good manners

[MarmadukeScarlet]

Sorry, but it is not competitive thanking but good old fashioned manners.

[MarmadukeScarlet]

[PopBitch]

Ah but we're not talking about NOT saying 'Thank you' - we're talking about saying thank you at the time of receiving the gift and then NOT saying it again, in writing.

[TurkeyLurkey]

I don't for all the reasons you list. Most parents my way don't bother either. I don't want any of them to get any ideas and start either, far too much pressure

[blametheparents]

I always send thankyou notes. Hadn't really thought of it any other way really.

[Tee2072]

If you want to follow proper etiquette, then, yes, you need to write personalized thank you notes. Have your DD help you, she can at least draw a little picture.

Its a good habit to get into, since I am sure you will want her to write them some day for wedding gifts and baby gifts, right?

[thenewme]

Sounds like you don't want to do thank you notes.

It is good manners to write a thank you note after someone has given a present. You didn't have to spend lots on a party.

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[Wheelybug]

I do but then am fairly anal about thank you letters. Particularly if they are opened after the party - it shows you haven't just bunged them in a bag, ripped them open and not taken any notice of who's given what.

I always try and make sure I say thank you to the parent after the event too (I do not write a thank you letter for this though) when I see them next at nursery.

[Umlellala]

I think you need to write thank you letters if you/your child haven't thanked in person.

If you haven't opened at the time then it is nice to mention that you liked what it actually was - but no need for a letter if you see them in person later.

[TurkeyLurkey]

Saying that if I see someone at the school gates or whereever that gave a pressie I do thank them in person again. In the scrum at present opening time its hard to remember who gave what though.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

the point it is good manners to say thank you if you are given something, so yes to me a thank you is important

and a letter is nice

but i agree that 20 letter all the same is a lot so

what we did with my last charge was at the school pin up one thank you letter by classroom saying hope all enjoyed the party, xxx did and many thanks for all the lovely pressies

another job, i took pictures of child with the present they got and just on back got the child to write thank you

at school age they should be more than capable of doing this

[sagacious]

I judge parents that don't send thank you notes....

[gavel]

[littleboyblue]

I'd be quite upset if I went to the trouble of looking for a present for someone, spent the money buying it, made the effort to go to a birthday party, no matter how impressive and not get a thank-you note.
I write them for ds (now 16m). If I didn't go to the extra effort of writing a thank-you note and sending it, I wouldn't expect presents for ds the following year, and if someone didn't send me a thank-you note, I wouldn't buy again the following year.

[sagacious]

runs

[GaspodisWearingASantaHatHoHoHo]

My dc always write thank you cards after Christmas or birthdays but not after parties. Hardly any other parents do and I don't feel it is necessary, I always make sure my dc say thank you when they receive the gift. I think it's over the top to send them to all their class mates etc who will just glance at them and then bin them.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

and thats why gasbol we did one letter for the class

[thenewme]

You can hardly accept a present that is handed to you without saying thank you, the thank you note is your thanking them for the actual gift, ie thank you for the colouring book. I love to colour, etc etc.

[goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh]

well I'm impressed by those who open all the presents later and know exactly who each present is from and write letters accordingly. DS2 had his birthday party on Saturday - only a few people invited, all brought presents, by the time they were opened many of the cards had become separated from their presents and there was absolutely no way of knowing which present was from who, apart from DS2 actually remembering the paper it was wrapped in...........

[midnightexpress]

Yes, YABU. It's important to teach your children about good manners, and it is very nice to receive a personal thank you letter/card when you have taken the time, effort and money to pick a present for someone.

We set up a production line after DS1s birthday party - they had the glitter glue and spreaders and I wrote them out.

If you don't like writing them, don't ask so many people to the party .

[PopBitch]

But I don't

a) know any of the parents (just started school)

b) don't really care what they think of me - I'm not there to make friends

c) make much effort with birthday presents when I buy when my dc go to parties, I just quickly get something for the right age range, wrap it and send it along.

Surely most people just consider it yet another chore, buying presents for their children to take to parties? I know I do!

[Countingthegreyhairs]

I think it's good manners and important because how else do dc learn except by following their parents example? Even it's the adult doing most of the writing - little ones can still sign/or draw a picture - and for 20 or more guests a photocopied note is fine, perhaps with a photo of the day enclosed. It's about 50 per cent of parents who do this around here. Wouldn't judge either way though tbh.

[bollockbrain]

If they have been given a gift it is common courtesy to write and thank the person who gave it.