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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Does anyone ever feel like they are in an abusive relationship with their dcs!!

183 replies

Slippersmum · 08/06/2015 10:17

Ok, prepare for a torrent of self pity!! Another weekend of not being able to do anything right, no matter what I do! Don't know which is worst the horrible comments or the silent treatment. Am I the only one who feels like they are in some kind of abusive relationship!!?? If I wasn't related to them I would do all I could to avoid them, let alone live with them!!

OP posts:

Report

MyballsareSandy · 08/06/2015 10:20

Yes that does ring a bell unfortunately. I take a lot more shite from the DDs than I ever would from DH or any other bloke, it's rather odd.

mateysmum · 08/06/2015 10:29

Sounds familiar. If DS was my DH I would have LTB long ago. Spent ages this weekend on uni open day and more planned, I wash, cook, clean do school run etc.etc. Not a word of gratitude or even recognition that I help him at all. On the contrary I am just in the way/nagging/stupid/don't know anything. Everything is my fault. I have been biting my lip whilst AS's were on, but soon the worm may turn!

Slippersmum · 08/06/2015 10:47

I dropped my ds off at school this morning. He did not speak during the whole journey. As he got out of the car I said 'have a good day'. He turned and glared at me!!! As if I had said fuck off and got out of the car without saying a word. He does this most days. Infact tomorrow I may pull up and say Fuck off in a cheery voice and see if he says anything

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mateysmum · 08/06/2015 10:57

Slippers Sometime I look forward to days when he says nothing. That is an improvement on the alternative which is a rant about how everybody else is stupid, how infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me, excuses for why he can't get work experience as he refuses to do anything manual or beneath him etc. etc.

I have raised a future paranoid dictator!

3catsandcounting · 08/06/2015 11:17

Yes, I feel like this! Even lovely, thoughtful DS15 told me the other day that "every time you ask me how my exam went today, I'll say 'fine' - cos that's how it always goes." Obviously I'm boring and irritating him too now!
See my thread for the wonder of my DD! (Tired of this)

funnyface31 · 08/06/2015 11:37

I have one of these. DD 13 and only nice when she wants something (she's never asks for things tbh) more When she wants to go in city or new hairstyle.

I've told DH that I am seriously considering booking our family holiday for us two and DS 10 and leaving her with my mum. Last week DH thought this was wrong, but after the ongoing Drama he is starting to agree!

It makes me sit back and wonder if I could of had a look into the future, would I be childless now. I can honestly not answer it.

HormonalHeap · 08/06/2015 11:41

Oh Slippers yes yes yes. Nothing else to add apart from another Yes.

SonceyD0g · 08/06/2015 11:50

Slippers I have the same morning car journey with 15 year old dd. pmsl at thought of saying fuck off in cheery voice!

throckenholt · 08/06/2015 11:53

Have you tried saying that to them ? is your original post.

Might shock them into thinking about how they are behaving. Common decency is worth aiming for with everyone you interact with.

mateysmum · 08/06/2015 12:04

throckenholt They subconsciously know this but frankly don't regard parents as human beings, therefore they don't qualify under the common decency rules.

Slippersmum · 08/06/2015 12:04

Funnyface I can say hand on heart my teens have ruined many holidays for me in the past!!

Soncery maybe you and I should say that tomorrow morning and when they look at us give them a loving Mum look

Oh throckenholt I am ashamed to say I have said all kinds of things to them in the heat of battle. I'm normally such a calm, relaxed person but they are relentless in their persecution of me! Relentless!!

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funnyface31 · 08/06/2015 12:31

I just cannot bring myself to pay £3k plus for a summer holiday this year that she doesn't deserve, yet why should my DS miss out.

And appently everyone in her school goes toFlorida every year! Mine have been lucky enough to visit 12 different European countries in their short lives.

Some poor kids don't even have food/clothes/love and that just breaks my heart.

throckenholt · 08/06/2015 12:33

I have said things to mine in the heat of the moment as well - I am sure we have all been there and regretted it.

But I kind of meant not in the heat of the moment. At some calm time (if there is such a thing with teenagers - maybe go out for a walk together) - try and make the point that you are just a human being. You are not superwoman, and neither are you to blame for everything that goes wrong. Like any human, you respond far better to a smile than a scowl. And if they could see their way clear to treating you (and everyone they meet) as if they had feelings too (and bad days as well) - that maybe they would get a better response. You might be able to help them out sometimes - at least with a bit of experience, or a different perspective on things bothering them, but at the very least it would make it pleasant to be in their company rather than regretting you had given birth to them (which is how you feel when they are being mean).

After all they are heading towards adulthood - and at some stage they have to learn that you can't treat people like that, and better to learn that sooner rather than later. People might cut you some slack when you are 15 - they won't when you are 25.

throckenholt · 08/06/2015 12:34

or alternatively - maybe you could try to be relentlessly smiley in the face of their persecution - that may confuse them :)

(Not sure I have the patience to do that myself).

Slippersmum · 08/06/2015 12:55

Oh funnyface I know where you are coming from there!!!

Am I the only one who feels if I just disappeared (went on that wonderful holiday with funnyface) they wouldn't even notice!! Apart from when tea was not ready, I was not undertaking my taxi service role etc etc etc etc ................

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Ragwort · 08/06/2015 13:04

I so agree - and holidays are a nightmare - we went away for half term, took a lot of time and trouble trying to do 'nice' things for a teenager as well as things for ourselves but DS clearly hated every minute of it & made it as miserable as he could for DH and I.

I can't bear the thought of another family holiday so we've agreed DH and DS will go somewhere on their own - and I am delighted at the thought of a complete week alone - and yes, I have got a separate 'holiday' arranged for myself.

Slippersmum · 08/06/2015 13:07

Now I am loving the sound of this separate holiday idea!!!!

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Number42 · 08/06/2015 14:03

Recognise all of it!

BikeRunSki · 08/06/2015 14:06

J have often thought said that if anyone else treated me as badly as my DS (6) that I would divorce them or resign from that job.

outtolunchagain · 08/06/2015 14:09

I definitely recognise this except the worst of mine for this is 21 and he still makes me feel awful. Thing is he now cloaks the criticism in a veil of polite concern , or a mode of pointing out how hopeless I am

Slippersmum · 08/06/2015 14:24

Well thats it outtolunchagain - hope it gone. Who started that 'once they are through their teens all will be ok' myth anyway. Was it just a rumor started just to stop us from killing either them or ourselves!!?????

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lilacblossomtime · 08/06/2015 14:36

Someone told me you can get quite a few of the behaviours of an adult with a.personality disorder in a normal teenager, it's because the brain is still developing. However if your kids are really acting foul towards you it maybe time for some changes.

mopthefloorwithme · 08/06/2015 15:00

oh god yes!

I was about to start a thread about the same thing. They are so bloody entitled! All 3 of them (18,19 and 22). Love em to death but omg how much longer do I have to bite my tongue?

They all think they know everything - and we are just unenlightened fogies. Advice, encouragement and support seems to be seen as nagging, interfering and controlling. Two of them have use of our third car and yet it's like getting blood out of a stone to discover where they're going and what time they'll be back. And when I suggested they might like to pay for the insurance as a token - they are totally offended. Like the car's sitting there anyway and we can afford it...they can't.

The house is like an hotel. They're not spoilt but we've tried to give them the opportunities we could. I was beginning to think we've done it all wrong - so pleased to see you lot have similar problems.

funnyface31 · 08/06/2015 15:00

Slippers I'm in, (anyone else welcome too) somewhere hot, nice cocktails, no kids, sounds like a dream!!!

I am available for all school holidays and can fly from 2major airports! X

funnyface31 · 08/06/2015 15:03

Ragwort you lucky girl bitch I'm super jealous of you right now!!!

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